So here it is...
...more confession. The issues I have with H's lack of financial contribution to our home & family as well as his lack of parenting & preferential treatment of SD over BSs rolls up together into one giant ball of resentment, and here it goes:
I REALLY resent feeling like I am responsible for my SCs in any way shape or form. Both of my SCs have two living parents each who are responsible for them just like most other children in this world, and it is not MY fault if these parents aren't doing the job. I have two children of my own I'm responsible for, & I've worked very hard to make sacrifices to provide and care for MY children, not anyone else's. I don't feel like anyone else's children except my own have any right to benefit from the fruits of my labor unless I CHOOSE this, & I would NEVER CHOOSE this at my children's cost.
When my H CHOOSES his responsibilities to SD OVER his responsibilities to OUR child, as though he has some sort of "right" to make this choice simply because he finally chose a mother for one of his children who actually cates enough about her children & their needs to put them above her own, I RESENT this GREATLY, & this makes me less interested in making anything "easy" for H when it comes to accommodating him or SD is my home. Instead I feel used & unappreciated, & I don't think H deserves any kind of "reward" for the things that he DOES do to help me care for OUR child because that is HIS CHILD TOO & he is SUPPOSED to do those things!
Now as for my BS, well, H "claims" to love him as his own since he's been "Daddy" since BS6 was <1yo, but I DO always acknowledge & appreciate the help H gives me in caring for him because he doesn't "HAVE" to, even though he seems to pick & choose what he "wants" to do there too, & for some reason CHOOSES more often than not to be the "heavy" in that scenario.
Anyway, I know it may seem "petty" to some of you, but I am just irritated by the mere presence of SD simply because sheis treated better than my BSs even though she's done absolutely nothing to "deserve" it.
I dunno. I love H, but of course love is not enough. I don't know why it's so hard for me to let "us" go even though I know it's what would be best for ALL involved (then MY BSs would get "fun guilty Daddy"!")
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I know what you mean by the
I know what you mean by the difficulty of letting go of 'us'. I know my boyfriend and his kid would be better off without me and i would have an easier time without them. But that love thing is tricky, I can't let go either. I feel like how can I leave him if my reason is "he's too good of a father" but your situation is my biggest fear and is why I don't have kids with the man. So the best I can say is that I feel your situation and wish you all the luck in the world. And just try to keep the lines of communication open. Best wishes
I don't. He's welcome not to,
I don't. He's welcome not to, he's also welcome to leave MY home if he doesn't want to help care for my child. He knows how I feel about all this and yet he stays. I'm not holding him hostage - quite the contrary really.
Anymore questions?
It really seems hairy in
It really seems hairy in blended families that way doesn't it? That the other parent is wondering why we don't love thier kids as much as our own... YET they don't love ours the same way at all as well. :O Perhaps if DH wanted you to feel less resentment and feel more for his daughter... then perhaps he should treat your little guy the same.
My Dh was TELLING me but he never showed that he loved my bio-kids like his own. Yeah right! After the last time they were here I was so ANGRY at the way he acted while they were here, that the next time I visited my kids - it was at my ex's home. That has been twice now.
I think he should think of his own feelings on the way he felt for my kids when they were here. And then stop wondering why I am not all excited about when we get to see his kids from his ex-troll errrr I mean ex-wife.