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The Compromise

mommylove's picture

As a follow-up to my post regarding "refusing additional time" for DH with SD this summer per BM's request, here is what I will offer as a compromise:

1) Instead of the FULL summer (2 months) when the most we've ever had in summer in ADDITION to eow is a couple weeks, let's make it 1 month,

2) SD11 will NOT be left in my home alone during the day. Where she goes during that time is up to DH & BM,

3) If DH can afford to pay for SD's childcare during that month then he can afford & WILL pay BS1's childcare for that month too,

4) Same treatment for all children everyday with increasing expectations with age, and finally

5) For each day agreement is not met one day will be removed from length of stay (i.e. If SD treated better than BS 1 day, SD goes home 1 day earlier than planned.)

What do you think?

Of course I don't think DH will go for it, but if he does these would actually be huge steps towards possibly saving our marriage!


herewegoagain's picture

Sounds good, but if he's a guilty dad, good luck getting this. I got sick of the preferential treatment between kids and my kiddo was 2-3 and preggo girl 9-10 more of that.

stepkate's picture

Sounds OK, but if it were me and Mr. Kate, number 5 would have us arguing every day over whether that day counted as successfully completed or not, ie "She was only left alone for an hour!" or what constitutes 'better treatment'.

mommylove's picture

Yeah, I don't know and not to sound cruel or anything, but frankly I don't care where she goes as long as she's not left in my home alone. Where and how much is between DH & BM.

mommylove's picture

Yeah, I struggle with #5 too actually. I just think there needs to be some consequences but not sure what?

Oh well, I don't think it really matters anyway. Frankly I don't think the conversation will make it to #5...I don't even think we'll make it past #1!

Plus, this is just a temporary "band-aid" for our situation even if he did go for it, because at the end of the day I'm more concerned about how my children are treated than whether or not I'm willing to accommodate his child for the summer.

Thanks for the feedback!

mommylove's picture

Well, I did it. I finally stood up for myself and my children and insisted that if H wanted SD to spend extra time at the house this summer that he will need to take care of OUR child too!!!

I laid out the "compromise" of him SOLELY paying for BS1's daycare expenses in FULL while SD is visiting for the summer, and that SD's stay would be limited to 1/2 the summer versus the whole summer (1 month vs. 2) "so that SD can spend the other half of her summer with her mother". Sounds "fair" enough, right? So why don't I feel better? Probably because I'm still a bit uspet that it feels like I have to "BRIBE" (or "punish", however you want to look at it) my H to care for his family - except where SD is concerned of course!

He said "okay", and that was it. From that point forward you could hear the crickets chirping on the other side of town. We sat through a whole meal, and whole car ride without a peep between us. Now this is a man that generally "likes" to argue. Calm before the storm or does he just feel "defeated"? I guess I'll soon find out...