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BM's "History Lesson based Summer Vacation" for SD8 and SS5 - sorry a little long... but please read and help me out here!?!?!?!

mommabear's picture

2 weeks ago, BM left for the east coast with SD8 and SS5 (we live in CA) to go pick up her BF and take the skids on a 'history-filled family vacay.' DH has been THRILLED about this vacay for the skids, because BM is taking them to 'teach them all about the history of this great nation, and how their father (DH) was directly involved in creating that history.' Her plans included taking them to see the Iwo Jima Memorial, the Marine Corps War Memorial, the Arlington Cemetery, etc., and while its great that they get the opportunity to go and see this stuff, in reality, they are 8 and 5 and have NO FREAKIN CLUE, nor could they care any less, what it all represents and means to people like DH. I'm really not sure why BM has put soooo much emphasis on this and tried to build it up so much to the skids, because at the end of the day, all they know and/or care about is they get to go to DisneyWorld!! They really don't care about the 'war' stuff.. DUH!!! So - last Wednesday, the texts/pictures start flooding DH's phone. Several pics of BM and skids posing in front of all the different monuments/memorials with captions like:
"wish you were here :("
"so proud of what WE went thru"
"Proud marine corps wife" (WTF, bitch? You mean EX-wife!?!?!?!)
"Forever grateful for what you did for US!!"

Seriously, my blood is boiling, rehashing this all over again in my mind Sad Who in THE FUCK does this bitch think she is all of a sudden? WOW! DH is showing me all the pics as they come in, I'm trying really hard not to:
2) knock him the fuck out
3) lose my shit and go bananas!!

Mind you, we are on the west coast in Cali, she is on the east coast in DC, so there's 3 hours difference... at midnight, our time, they are still texting! I'm trying real hard to keep my composure and address my uncomfortable feelings with this situation in a tactful, mature manner. I decide to wait until I calm down to address my feelings, but in the meantime I fall asleep. Coincidentally, DH’s phone goes on the fritz that night and in the wee hours of the morning, wakes me up going off. In all honesty people, I trust DH and I have no reason to go thru his personal things, including his phone and text messages. I just don’t do it!! That said, when his phone woke me up that night ringing and making all kinds of racket, all I could do was put it on vibrate and go back to sleep; however, in order to do so, I had to unlock his home screen and then turn the volume down. When I unlocked the home screen, up popped his text conversation with BM…all I saw was bits and pieces, but it was enough…enough inappropriateness to make me very, very angry!! She said something along the lines of “NO ONE will EVER understand what we went thru! As painful as those memories are, I treasure them.” She also said, “I found replicas of your combat ribbon and bought one each for the kids… I feel like I earned that thing right along side u, ya know!” That was it… that last text had come in @ 1:43 AM our time… so what, she’s lying in bed next to her BF @ 4:30 am on the east coast, walking down memory lane with my husband…??? While I don’t doubt that they experienced some awful things during that time in their life, that shit is in the past and it needs to stay there! I, too, have had some horrible experiences in my lifetime, with my ex-husband… but I don’t find it appropriate to discuss with him… especially in the middle of the night! FUCK THAT!!! Wow – it got ugly… we had it out! And as always, HE felt wronged because I got upset with him… so he had to have his turn and get mad at me… about what, I don’t even know… but we finally got over it and moved on. I did NOT hold back… I let him have it and made damn sure that he understood this will NOT happen EVER again… and if he doesn’t tell her how inappropriate and disrespectful their little history lesson was, I WILL!!! I’m not dismissing what they felt/experienced/lived… but it’s over, done, and needs to remain in the past so we can all move on. I can guarantee you, if the tables were turned and it were me having such a conversation with my ex, someone’s head would ROLL and DH would lose it and kill someone (He’s soooo super-jealous… it’s sickening, really!)
So Monday evening we went to my mom’s house for dinner and as we’re sitting at the dinner table, DH’s phone is blowing up!! Guess who it was? Yep, it was BM… apparently she had taken the skids deep sea fishing and was giving DH a play-by-play via text/picture… WTF???????????? Why does he need to know all about the rest of their vacation, now that the ‘history lesson’ is over? And again with the captions on her pics:

“SD’s FIRST fish!! She’s a natural, just like you!”
“SS named SD’s fish… he is sooo funny!”
“SD’s really wishing daddy was here to help reel this one in! It’s a BIG ONE!!”
“Losing count… they are practically jumping in the boat with us.. sooo cool… you would love this! ”

Am I wrong to be FUCKING IRRITATED WITH THIS BITCH??? AND HIM… who the hell does he think he is just going along with it… encouraging her to continue sending pics/texts..?? When we go on vacay, we do NOT report to her blow-by-blow how shit goes down… OMG – the more I think about all this, the angrier I get. Am I out of line? Her time is her time… when the kids get back, they can tell us all about it and show us THEIR pictures… but come on now... why are they doing this to me all of a sudden? I’m hurt, angry, furious, offended… and I have soooo many crazy emotions running thru me right now I can hardly even get a straight thought out. Anyway – is this normal? It has NOT been normal in our family prior to this… in fact, DH would be downright offended if she even asked to know what was going on during our time with skids. I’m just a little beside myself with this… I’m PISSED!!!!


smdh's picture

NO, it is not normal. And yes you have every right to be pissed at HER. He can't control what she does. I know some people will agree with you that he should address it and tell her it is inapproriate, but my experience with crazy is that she'll just smirk, assume she got to YOU and that he loves the attention but doesn't want to upset you.

As long as he isn't answering her texts, I think you need to accept she is crackers and let it go. If he is responding, my response changes to KICK HIS ASS.

mommabear's picture

Oh - he's responding!! To EVERYTHING!!! Shit like "You are so right!" (in response to the 'no one will EVER know what we went thru...") and "Aww - miss my babies... wish i was there to help them with those BIG FISH!!!"

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH - yeah - kick his ass it is!!!

smdh's picture

Oh hell no! He doesn't need to be feeding into her bullshit. Hard times or not she is his PAST. Sending pics of the kids? FIne. Pics of her with the kids? NO. Again, he can't control that, but he should be deleting them.

You should take his phone and text back "remember when we went through our divorce? That was a GOOD time. So glad we did that and have moved on."

mommabear's picture

Yes dtzy - and like I said, I have NO DOUBT that they went thru some shit... I really do understand that... but do they really need to have regular installments of "A Late Night Walk Down Memory Lane..." that's where my prob is... they are talking about it like no level of empathy or an understanding wife could EVER POSSIBLY even begin to fathom... does that make sense?

And the skids weren't even thought of when he was deployed!! He hasnt been active in over 9 years, so the skids never experienced deployment. So I don't know - maybe they do get it, but trust me - they don't care... really - SD literally said in her own words "I don't care about daddy's war stuff... do we HAVE to go?"

Anyway - just a little more perspective. Please don't think that I am trying to take away from what they went thru together... I just dont think it needs to be a 'special' discussion topic, you know...???

mommabear's picture

Believe it or not, no - she isn't trying to get to me. She is just... well ... an idiot!!

justperfectlyflawed's picture

Thank the lord my SO ignores his Ex's texts when we are on vacation. The kids can take pictures and call her if they want. Last vacation she did text him about how she misses the kids and she remembers the time they were together (during holidays).. Whatever..he did not reply to anything not kid related and when he did reply to kid discussion it was not quickly.

The BM is doing it on purpose....I am sure your DH feels stuck in the middle too because if he tells BM to stop texting she will get defensive and tell the kids some crap or she will text more.

Boundaries are a big issue for sure...I would ask your DH to not reply during odd times of the night/early morning because that is disrespectful. If someone is texting me or my SO at odd hours I turn off the ringer. He does not need to be up at midnight texting his ex EVER unless the kids are hurt.

mommabear's picture

Anyway - the 'history lesson' part of their vacation was one thing... and I finally put it to rest and got over it. I decided it was great for DH to have pics of the skids at those monuments... it really meant a lot to him, so i just pushed it down and got over it... BUT - what about the rest of the vacation? WHY DOES SHE KEEP SENDING PICS/TEXTS DETAILING EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING?????????????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????????????

mommabear's picture

"Boundaries are a big issue for sure...I would ask your DH to not reply during odd times of the night/early morning because that is disrespectful. If someone is texting me or my SO at odd hours I turn off the ringer. He does not need to be up at midnight texting his ex EVER unless the kids are hurt."

AMEN, jpf... well put!! That's the point I'm trying to get across to him! So why am I the bad guy? I'm telling you, if the shoe were on the other foot, and it was my ex and I discussing our son, DH would FLIP THE FUCK OUT and it would NOT be allowed... OK for him, but not for me.. so not fair!!

Ghost Rider's picture

BARF GROSS!!!! She is out of line an she knows it. You are right it is over and done and needs to remain in the past. There wasn't enough respcet to keep the marriage why start hashing on the past of anything?

Normal people who has divorced don't go hashing around the past about their ex. or go take their kids on tours to tell the story of their ex. It sounds like to me she has not let go and you are nothing but competition to her to see who really has his attention and of course the kids are tools to be used.

She is out of line. At 8 & 9 most kids are to worried about when is the real fun going to begin. Most kids love poseing infront of cameras so that part was easy.

Oh gosh yuck! I would be grossed out seeing dozens of pictures of her and her kids coming up on the husbands phone. If it was just the kids It wouldn't bother me so much , her + the kids? is like having a family photo album on the phone as if she is the wife. YUCK!

gosh I feel for you.

mommabear's picture

LOL - OK, I'm not at all proud of this, but exactly what you said newwife, I kinda asked him the same thing... the pictures just kept coming and coming and coming and he said something about sentimental value and he hadn't seen the monuments in years and BLAH... I spouted off some stupid shit like "Oh yeah - how about her big fat nasty pussy - I'm sure that has sentimental value to you since it spit out 2 children for you... and you haven't seen IT in awhile... maybe you can get her to take a picture of that for you too!!!!" OMG - I wanted to die as soon as I said it... but I was PISSED!!!!!!!!! hehehehehe

mommabear's picture

Well to be honest, the look on his face was absolutley priceless... and all he could muster was, "Wow - Really...?!?!?!?!" He knew better than to say ANYTHING at that point because I was fuming... and I'm one of those people that don't get angry often, and it takes ALOT to push me that far... but when I do finally jump off the deep end, everyone in my path better watch the hell out!! LOL I HATE being that way, but it's just out of my control :?

bi's picture

it amazes me how the jealous people, like your dh, are the first ones to dish out treatment (in this case allowing bm to do this shit) that they would lose their head over. absolutely amazing.