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Musings from yesterday’s Dysfunctional BBQ

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Skid - She’s boisterous in an annoying and attention seeking way. She’s never NOT talking or being loud. She is SO sassy, in a I think I’m so cute and funny way. Except it’s not. With a third of the things she says, all I can think is Wow, my mom would have backhanded me in the mouth if I said that. No one ever corrects her, because you know, “she’s just a child” - per my DH. 

I cringe at the thought of skid at 13, 14, 15, etcetera. If she is like this now? Oh, no no no no. 

Not-so-happy Dysfunctional BBQ Eve

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Tomorrow is the 4th and we’ll be BBQing. We love to BBQ and enjoy all the yummy side dish goodness and outdoor time at our house. It looks like I’ll be making/prepping large batches of food, considering DH is being his usual evasive self in regards to skid and his parents showing up. 95% positive they will, as I’ve recently observed that DH most likely feels he’s somehow better off, and not in the line of fire, if he springs information like this on me last minute. 

I tried to confirm with DH this morning, who will be here tomorrow, and he replied it’s “best to expect company.”

MIL perpetuating skid’s disregard for time/schedules

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Because it’s all about skid, dontchaknow?

Sundays are interesting. It’s DH’s one and only guaranteed day off. He’s also a cyclist and it’s racing season, so every Sunday he trains anywhere from 2-5 hours in the morning. It’s his gig and I will never be the one to tell him “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t ride today, but instead spend time with skid?” Because he’s a big boy. If he wanted to he would. 

While he’s doing that, I usually go for a run with the kids in the jogger, work in the garden, or whatever (weather permitting). DH on the other hand, often rides in the rain. 

“She’s just a child...”

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This is DH’s response so far this summer in regards to speaking to skid and her continually inserting BM into our lives - while in our home. 

Not exaggerating. She is constantly “My Mom...”

Skid is going to be 12 in a few months, and while yes she IS a “child,” she’s also pretty much a pre-teen. I’m 99% sure she is aware of it, and that it will only get worse in the coming years. Also, BM is only a mom in the noun sense, not the verb sense, so it’s a little odd that skid would go on and on and on about BM.

Disengagement according to DH

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I’ll preface this with - I NEVER announced my disengagement to anyone.

After Father’s Day, and the events that ensued, DH is now well aware that I’m selectively very low contact/disengaged from skid and his parents. He’s also in the midst of a serious self-loathing funk, and I’m not a fan.

Weirdly and surprisingly, his one and only comeback in this discussion was that he “didn’t want to have to play middle man.”

Using the term of endearment “Baby”

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What are your thoughts?

Skid is 11, almost 12, and it feels super icky to hear and watch DH use it with skid. Especially because there’s no difference in inflection. 

Needless to say, it is REALLY rubbing me the wrong way.

When I tried to convey this to DH, he stated he didn’t see what the issue was, considering he loved us both unconditionally. I then tried to break down the difference between spousal love and offspring, and my dismay for him continuing to use this verbiage, and he STILL looked at me like “what’s the problem.”

Random observations from yesterday’s festivities

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I was reluctantly around skid all day yesterday, because Father’s Day and a couple birthdays fell on the same day. 

- Skid has the confidence of an attention starved GUBM. 

- She is NEVER NOT talking. 

- She’s constantly trying to corral my 3 and 4 year old like she has some authority over them.

- She’s still the picky eater she has always been, despite telling me several times yesterday she has “changed ways” when it comes to her “not” being a picky eater.

Vent: It’s life events like this...

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That I kinda sorta feel sorry for my DH. 

His paternal grandmother (89) was moved to hospice today. They’re close, as she was a very hands-on grandmother to DH and BIL when they were younger (alleviating the issue of MIL and FIL having to look and pay for childcare in the summer, because grandma legit spent the summer months with them.)

The bane of my disengagement journey

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The withholding of information. Is this normal? 

I’m referring to skid’s visitation. Is she here? Is she not here? Am I not worthy of knowing this information? Yeah, I don’t entertain her, spend money on her, play taxi for her, or babysit her, but I do welcome her into our home and treat her with the same respect and selected attentiveness as I do any other child I haven’t given birth to.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

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The title says it all. The games these people play, I swear.

I’m pretty sure I could go without a calendar, around this time of year, because I can practically predict what day, or at least week, it is by the ways the in-laws and DH behave. Even more so, behave towards me.

The in-laws with their fruitless attempts at fake niceties, even if they’re channeling it through my DH. I have MIL blocked *everywhere* and I know this just eats her alive. Knowing she cannot reach-out to me in any way/shape/form to get me to re-engage. 

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