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Someone is pushing the One Big Happy Family narrative...

momjeans's picture

and I suspect it’s my MIL.

Skid has been gone a good 10 days and I’ve noticed our young bios have been mentioning BM’s toddler with her current husband in conversation, as if they know him. 

Someone’s pushing this “Skid’s half-brother is faaaaaaamily” narrative, post skid’s visit. And given ALL the drama and BS behavior from BM, past and present, why is this okay? 

I mean, I know it’s okay to MIL, but why in the world should this be okay with me?

I guess I’m looking for ideas how to tackle this, because it has my nerves frazzled.

Comments

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Ugh, sorry to hear this. Your inlaws are such a pain in the butt. Hopefully this nonsense will soon fade from your bios' minds.

tog redux's picture

Have they even met this half-brother of their stepsibling? If not, it will probably pass quickly. It doesn't have to be okay with you - but will MIL stop doing it if asked?  

Really, I don't see how she's connecting them as family, they aren't even family to HER. 

Petronella's picture

I think OPs children are half siblings to SD, not stepsiblings? I thought OPs DH is the father to all of them. Either way, this other kid is 0 relation to OPs kids.

momjeans's picture

And you’re correct, Petronella. There’s zero parental blood relation between our bios and skid’s half-sibling. 

tog redux's picture

Either way, they still aren't related in any way to their half-sibling's half-siblings.  Neither is MIL. 

momjeans's picture

Both MIL and FIL are 100% this way. 

Remember, my FIL gets his feelings met by continually playing BFFs with BM’s mom and siblings on social media, because “family.”

Gimlet's picture

I'm honestly surprised they haven't moved to be near BM and skid.  It's obvious who they consider to be their family.

Iamwoman's picture

^^This!

The agenda from Momjeans' in-laws is relentless. What is their end goal?

Are they trying to drive Momjeans away?

That doesn't seem very family oriented to me at all.

Petronella's picture

That's so weird and annoying! Has MIL even met this kid? Is there now going to be pressure on you and dh to try to get the kids all together with their non-sibling? 
How old are all the kids here? If your bio's are really little, I'd just ignore the talk, change the subject etc. If they're older or if it gets to be too much, I'd gently remind them that they don't have any parents in common with this kid and it's unlikely they'll ever meet. 

momjeans's picture

“I'd gently remind them that they don't have any parents in common with this kid and it's unlikely they'll ever meet.”

Thank you. This is how I’ll most likely try to navigate it. If done in the presence, or within earshot of the in-laws, though, they’ll lose their freaking minds. 

Our bios are 4 and 6. Skid is 13. And while skid does talk about her half-brother, it’s very, very minimal. So, for our bios to be bringing up skid’s half-brother, who’s 2-years-old, btw, seems like someone is really pushing it. 

Gimlet's picture

I like how she basically ignores your bios, who are her grandchildren, but wants a kid who is no relation to her at all to be "family".  They really should move to be with BM.

momjeans's picture

I know, right?

I’ve spelled all of this out to them before and they either a) cry “But we (need to/should) loooove everyone, momjeans,” or b) look at me like I have a third eye. 

Petronella's picture

Who cares if your in-laws lose it? Let them lose it. If they start this bs talk about this child at like a family dinner and egg your kids on to speculate about this kid, I'd try ONCE to change the subject politely. But if they persisted on this nonsense, I'd spell out the facts to everyone. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Was MIL letting SD facetime back to BM ( thus SD's 1/2 ) when you had no clue? Is the little boy near your two littles ages? 

momjeans's picture

Skid’s half-sibling is 2. It’s a possibility that DD(6) and DS(4) could have been around skid FaceTiming, but the way our bios keep going on about skid’s half-sibling seems as if it’s being pushed as a constant narrative.

Thisisnotus's picture

OMG gross!!!!!!! This makes my stomach turn because I swear to god that if BM had another kid my MIL would do the EXACT same thing. I honestly don't get these people.

I'm so mad for you. This is crazy-ness.

momjeans's picture

Thanks - you get it. It’s crazytown.

MIL always gives me a look as though I’m demanding a million dollars from her, when I’m simply requesting, low-key demanding, that she allow DH and I to have a semi-normal BM-free life and marriage. 

Petronella's picture

That's also possible. I did get the impression that Momjean's SD mostly ignores Momjeans' kids. But yeah, if SD does bother to talk to her little sibs, one obvious topic would be BMs house and how she has a REAL little brother over there, LOL. 

momjeans's picture

They minimally hear about skid’s half-sibling when skid is here.

That said, a few things: 

MIL is hardly ever allowed to be around our kids unless one of us is present. It has literally been months since she has been alone with them. 

MIL was with our children, alone, for a few hours yesterday. My MIL is the poster child of toxic grandparents. She will legit make up for time lost with our kids and go through her entire bag of tricks, when left alone with them, as fast as she can. She’ll FaceTime skid, FaceTime drunk BIL (who’s most likely “babysitting” his 5-year-old). She’ll show pictures/videos of all the other grandkids to our kids. She’ll talk about, uh, odd family stories, per my 6-year-old. She will leave our house and drive them out to her house, where she shows them skid’s bedroom, pictures, etc.

It was last night that our kids went on and on about skid’s half-sibling as if they know him.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

This whole idea is so weird to me.  We deal with it the opposite way.  DH and I had DD1 last year and I am having our second DD next week.  BM and her mother have started to tell SD that my DDs are related to BM and her family.  They have even suggested that DD1 visit with them.  DH and I both laughed over that.  And he made it clear to BM that she is in no way related to our kids and she would never know our DDs. 

 

I just don't get the whole idea.  My exH has a new baby.  And I have never thought that I was related to said child or thought I was entitled to a relationship with the kid.  It is just weird.

Aniki's picture

Your out-laws need to go sit on something pointy and sharp. Obviously, they favor the skids because...children of divorce. Oh, the horrific TRAUMA!!!

I would gladly start a GoFundMe so they can move right up in BM's arse.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

OP, I so wish you and your DH could move away from there. He's a bit enmeshed with his parents, isn't he, and their poo is never going to stop. A fresh start away from the FOG would be wonderful for you.

momjeans's picture

Thank you. I wish that for us too. My therapist tells me exactly this, more sessions than not. That DH was raised by emotionally insecure, infantilizing parents who now have enmeshed relationship with their grown children. That he’s in the FOG and that our only hope is to move far, far away from them. 

Not going to lie. Life was mostly blissful in our bubble, which was also in the same city as BM, but were also 2000+ miles away from DH’s parents, when we lived on the west coast. We saw them once a year.