My stepson is a piece of work
I have 2 stepchild and none of my own and basically went straight into the deep end when they came to live with my partner and I.
I knew what I was getting myself into and was prepared to be the best mother figure I could be for these 2 kids who’s mother only wanted to know who they were if she’d get something from it. Any way fast forward 2 years and things with my partners son and I don’t seem to be getting better they actually feel worse, yeah we have our good days but the bad out way the good. I am constantly told that I should basically be his salve and do everything for him. All he has to do is make his bed and his lunch and occasionally he has to put his washing in the washing machine. Am I asking too much?? My partners mum is also backing my partners son in saying I should do more for him! The nerve! I know that is her grandson but we are the parent/parent figures. I have seeked professional help and they too agree with what I am doing which gives me hope but I can’t stand it when I ask simple things and get it thrown back in face. I feel like I am going crazy and sometimes feel like disappearing because I am failing as parent figure. I show love and care where I can but I have never really been the sort of person to show those emotions even to my own parents and siblings. It’s hard and seems to be getting harder and harder with each day, my partner is amazing and his daughter is so so caring I feel ashamed when I go crying to her when her brother has upset me to the point I need her, a 12 year old girl who should be coming to me when she’s upset not the other way round.
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If your partner is so amazing
If your partner is so amazing, then why’s he failing his son by being a terrible parent? Why is he failing you with these unrealistic expectations & lack of support?
He’s not amazing. He’s a lazy parent & you’re suffering the consequences of it. Disengage. Let him take care of his kids. You don’t need to pretzel yourself for kids that aren’t yours, your BF can be a slave to them instead. And his mother can mind her own damned business.
My partner is great
My partner is always asking and telling his son to pull his weight and listen to what is being asked of him yet he just won’t do it. Yes he does do what his dad askes of him but not always and he too finds it’s frustrating and doesn’t know what to do. He supports me 100% and hates when I’m being asked to do whatever it is I just ask my ss to do.
So what happens when his son
So what happens when his son doesn't do what he's told? Does your partner just let it go or does he impose sanctions? Take away privileges? Phone? Other?
So who’s making you feel like
So who’s making you feel like you need to be a slave to this kid then? Just the MIL? The kid himself? Or is it your BF & you’re making excuses for him because it’s easier to blame everyone but the man you love?
At minimum disengage from this kid. Stop trying to be a motherly figure to him. Stop parenting at all, leave that entirely up to your BF. Trying this hard isn’t getting you anywhere, and it’s not making a difference to the kid. So just stop.
If your SO is an amazing parent
He will be taking care of his son, And not asking you do more then you want to do. Your SS has two parents,you are not one of them. You should not do more then then the bio parents.
How old is this kid? He’s not
How old is this kid? He’s not your responsibility. Tell your SO you are done parenting and that he needs to tell his mom to back off. It’s not your job to be this kid’s mother.
Then you will find out if he’s truly amazing. At this point, I’m not seeing it. He lectures his son and then throws his hands up in helplessness? Where are the consequences for the kid?
Molly2016 i have been in my ss21 life since 6 years ago
Been marriedbto his dad 4.5 years ago.
When you say your man is amazing because he tells his son off to pull his weight and do chores, the problem is the lack of enforcement.
you stated that ss doesn’t listen or follow, basically ss knows daddy is all talk no action. Thats why your man isn’t amazing!!
there is a big difference between being all talk and giving the lip service and actually making active changes and enforcement.
my ss had every pathetic excuse possible. Imaginary stress syndrome, i forgot, you didn’t remind me....
all it took was for my husband to give him no choice. When my husband knew i asked for a divorce several times because he did nothing in 4 yrs of marriage to change things with ss, hubby realised that what i deserve and need are basic things every human should get but ss just likes to manipulate and taunt people to show he is the boss. He actually told his uncle that i was a maid for him because i was a woman and child raising was solely a womans job...
i have disengaged from all my skids since 10 months ago. Thats a toxic relationship for hubby to manage on his own away from me and our toddlers.
it takes a whole home to maintain it meaning every member contributes. Nothing pisses me off than lazy arseholes inconsiderate of others. I am not his slave or maid
also your partners mum is likely having the mentality and conditioning of the 40s-60s where wifey pops out babies, cares for them and shuts her mouth up. She is a slave to her man... unfortunately in todays world that dynamic doesn’t work because a majority of households both husband and wife work so work can and should be split equitably.
stand your ground, he doesn’t do his laundry, no clean clothes. Ultimately the problem is your man, there is no enforcement from him. Enforcing is not telling your child off. Its basically saying “ok clean your room, empty the trash and do your laundry”, he refuses and makes excuses, great he recieves a consequence like grounding and confiscating of his electronics and he must earn it back
I am going to ask the same
I am going to ask the same question how old is the SS? That does have some effect on things.