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?? Headscratching - is it just me???

moeilijk's picture

ten words ten words ten words ten words ten words

https://www.steptalk.org/node/234538#comment-1934252

ETA: I mean, like every other person on here, I am here because I want to help. So I tried. And I got pushback, so I pointed that out. And in return I get told I'm not giving advice nor being helpful?

I guess I just don't understand the commitment she has to her problems. And I do see it as a choice to have this particular set of problems, because there is zero chance that me understanding her situation better would lead to me saying, "Oh, well, yes, everything is completely hopeless and you're just a poor, poor victim of life."

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Geesh you bitch. How dare you give her advice that she doesn't want to hear!

LMAO.... YOU would be one of the LAST people on this site, I would ever think to be accused of "spewing vitriol" I think we ought to send Fruity, Disney, HYNRC, SueU2, and Tommar on over and REALLY get her tinsel in a tangle! Wink

moeilijk's picture

IKR? That's what really got me confused... I mean, ok, I was a bit abrupt, but spewing vitriol? Does she own a dictionary?

Simpleton21's picture

Agree with DaizyDuke. I read your advice to her and it seemed like good advice to me. Like you were trying to help....unlike the ones DaizyDuke listed above it seems like you cared and wanted to help not just be a wench!

moeilijk's picture

Well, I'm usually very nice, but I suppose I have moments when I am not.

But actually, perhaps your comment is more a reflection on you. Because you've ascribed a motivation to me that doesn't fit me, so perhaps it would be a motivation for you, or someone you know.

I did indeedy create this post, and it does give other posters a platform to tell me how great I am (what else could anyone say, really?)

Buuuuut, it wasn't to 'dog' another poster. She asked me to stop talking to her, so I did. But the event was still of interest to me, and I want to talk about it.

I was surprised that she seemed so angry at me, and said (essentially) that I was mean to her, because I was actually doing my best to help her. And I appreciate the feedback that I wasn't mean, in case I had crossed a line or missed something as I was trying to help.

I don't know how wrong the other poster is. She came here asking for help, and seemed to get really angry with me when I tried to help. So I'm thinking, she's pretty stuck in her unhappiness, even while she's also wanting to climb out.

The problem is, people can get to be very unhappy for a long time before they are uncomfortable enough to do something different. Cups of tea and comforting words help in a moment of deep stress... but not when researching ideas and options, gaining insight, nor when setting goals for a change of direction.

moeilijk's picture

Just a reminder folks, this is a blog about ME, not an opportunity to rehash the other blog. If you'd like to comment over there, you've got the link.

I'll delete comments if I feel they are not contributing to getting along, getting a different perspective or having fun.

WalkOnBy's picture

Moe - I think the advice you gave was spot on and coming from a good place. I think it was a situation where you didn't say what she wanted to hear. I also think she doesn't know the meaning of the words "spewing" or "vitriol."

You are one of my most favorite people Smile

Hennypenny's picture

The OP actively dislikes her SD, and is looking for advice on how to passively dislike her. You offered advice on how to relate to her as a growing, changing person, hence the quick dismissal.

I find it interesting how snippy people can get when a comment doesn't fit snugly within their own perceptions of a situation, and find it even more interesting when people use those comments to reevaluate their position on an issue. I'm always of the belief that defensiveness gets you nowhere, and there are three sides to every story lol.

Peridwen's picture

I have to 100% agree with HennyPenny here. I didn't see anything mean about your post.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I didn't see anything wrong or 'mean' with the advice you gave that poster. Frankly, plenty of people take offense when people are honest and straightforward and blunt. Some expect you to sugarcoat advice with "of course you are RIGHT" and "the skid is 190% in the wrong and a total waste" and so on.

I have never seen you post anything that I consider mean or spewing. I wuv you, Moe. Dirol

moeilijk's picture

Yes. I didn't start out wanting to ruffle feathers, but I didn't like feeling so dismissed. It's not like I charge a fee or anything, but I did put time and thought into my response. So then I pushed back, which is uncomfortable for me. I could have just walked away instead of trying again, in a less positive way.

robin333's picture

I think your advice is direct and helpful. You take the time to give thoughtful advice. Some folks are just special and do not want to consider how they might be contributing to the problem.

moeilijk's picture

Well, it's tough to be at the end of your rope and then feel like you're being told that you're the wackadoodle who put the rope around your own neck, I think most of us have had that feeling before! But indeed, it's food for thought at the very least - because our moment of power is when we feel are in control (good or bad!)

Aniki-Moderator's picture

^^Yep

notsobad's picture

I think that when people first come here they think that everyone is just going to jump on their bandwagon and tell them how right they are and tell them that they are doing the right thing or that there's nothing they can do to change anything.

They aren't actually looking to resolve the issue, they just want to commiserate with others about their situation.

Nothing wrong with that, we all need to just vent sometimes. I think that it's helpful to say "I'm just venting" at the beginning of your post if you are just looking for a bunch of amens and you go girl!

You said nothing wrong. She's very defensive and that is probably why she's have a problem with SD.