Here's What Happened Tonight!
Okay, so some background first ... during Sunday night's email bashing from Andrea she said to make sure we return Jacob's books. Okay, there were no books. I asked his teacher if she knew anything about it, but she didn't. I looked in Jacob's cubby to see if erik missed anything on Friday, he didn't. There was a shirt that Andrea obviously thought was ours, but it was actually a part of the new clothes we gave Jacob for summer.
So, I drop Jacob off, text message Andrea and say, "there weren't any books in Jacob's cubby on Friday, or today. The shirt in there is yours, it was part of the new clothes we gave you for Jacob this summer." That's it. Obviously it pissed her off.
At about 8:30 tonight we get a text message from Andrea ... "for water play." What!!!??? We text back and say "what for water play?" The next message we get from her is ... "too bad you didn't ask Jacob or I. There were three of them in the show & tell box because he also wanted to show his friends. The clothes were there " That's it! Erik was livid, and so was I. We have gone out of our way, even when we were mad as hell at her, to try and be nice to her. So we texted her back and said "last night your email told me that you would tell me when you thought there was something I should know, now you are telling me I have to ask, which is it Andrea?" Of course no response.
Erik and I were so pissed at the whole process we sent her the following email:
Andrea, I’m sorry you felt the need to send me a nasty text message tonight. Jacob asked me to get his truck out of the show and tell box; he said nothing to me about books being in there. All you told me was that you were going to leave the books at school. The only place you have ever left anything for me at Jacob’s school is in his cubby; logic would deduce that, that is where the books would have been. Sorry I disappointed you by not asking where you left the books, but I didn’t even know you were going to leave them this time – you said you were going to leave them last time and didn’t.
Your first text message tonight said “for water play” … my response was “what for water play?” Jacob’s towel is in his cubby. His sunscreen is in his cubby. His swim trunks were not in his cubby on Friday. In case you didn’t know, water play for the month of August has been changed to Fridays. So, Jacob will need his swim trunks for Friday.
Last night your email told me that you would tell me when there was information about Jacob that you felt I needed to know. But in tonight’s text message you said “too bad you didn’t ask.” Am I supposed to ask, or are you going to tell me? I really feel like I’m damned if I ask, and I’m damned if I don’t ask.
All I have tried to do over the past month or so is communicate with you about Jacob. In my opinion I have gone out of my way to be nice to you, AND I’m trying to understand, realize, and accept how YOU feel about things. You sent the email asking for my thoughts and concerns regarding Montessori, and I sent an email with my thoughts and concerns. For that I got bitched at in 3-different emails. I don’t understand why you are so angry! The past is the past, and our future is Jacob; we need to learn how to communicate with each other for his best interests. Please tell me what I can do to make the communication process go more smoothly.
_____
What is absolutely sad, is that this is what WE write when we are pissed. Of course the first draft didn't look like that, but that's what ended up being sent to her.
We actually are trying to "do unto others" and put ourselves in her shoes. We have gone out of our way to be nice to her for well over a month, and this is the crap that we get. We aren't going to stop asking for the updates because she has proven that she does't share information with us. We will continue to be nice to her, put ourselves in her shoes, and treat her as we expect to be treated. But I learned some very enlightening information about lying ... I was going to share it with her, but after reading your email, probably not a good idea. So, we'll just use what we learned at our house, and hopefully it will work, and hopefully Jacob will learn.
Anyway, I just thought you'd all get a kick out of how crazy Andrea is ...
~ Katrina
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Why DO BM's
Make is so darn hard. I mean you guys are not mind readers. That whole text messaging business would pluck my nerves. We don't communicate with BM at all due to her always pulling her stunts. Quite frankly in our case she does nothing for the Skids but she is the first to critize us. We just don't put up with her at all.
That's where we are now
That's where we are now ...
~ Katrina
I don't understand what her
I don't understand what her problem is. Is she still in love with your husband and that's why she's made it her lifes mission to make his life a living hell? The only reason I can see for the ex to cause grief is that she still has feelings for the man. I am a BM as well and my ex husband doesn't hear from me unless something needs to be said...at which time I get on the phone say what needs to be said and get off of the phone. I don't try to ruin his life because I don't want him....that shipped sailed many years ago. When will these bitches learn to get a friggin life???
We've talked about that one
We've talked about that one too ... she did ask him back twice, but it was twice too late. He told her once he left the house that was it. As soon as he met me ... within a week he had quit smoking, was a happier person, etc ... she said "maybe we made a big mistake." She is so financially hard up it is pathetic. DH is definately a happier man and a better father since leaving her.
Funny thing ... shortly after coming back from Iraq in 2005 they men's fellowship wrote letters to God. They were mailed to church and held on to. When she asked for a divorce Erik got his letter back. in his letter he asked God to give him the strength necessary to become a better husband and a great father. When he got the letter back, at first he was crushed and questioned a lot. Now he realizes ... God did give him the strength he asked for ... which led him to getting divorced and to me. Not saying God approves of divorce, but he sure didin't want his children to be unhappy.
Anyway, off track here ... yes, I think she still has feelings for him ... and I think she is very mad at herself, and hasn't forgiven herself for destroying their marriage.
~ Katrina
See, that's why...
I said earlier to try to stop the 'communication', keep it to a bare minimal, because of this exactly.... because no matter what you do, or don't do, whatever; agree, than she'll be upset because you agree, disagree, than she'll be upset because you disagree... the subject matter isn't the point anyway, it's that she just wants you to know HOW upset she is... she wants to remain upset and induce whatever 'punishment' she can. It's not about the boy at all. It's not about the 'things'. It's all about her. Take her out of the equation, and geeh everything would be peachy, right? LOL. She's going to control the outcome regardless of what you try, sadly, and I think of course you know that.
I think the letter was good. I just hope that you can see through this road. Unfortunately, we have no idea in knowing how long you have to travel with it before she has no more fight left in her...
Hang in there honey. It IS frustrating, I know. Hugs.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
We are done with trying to
We are done with trying to communicate. Andrea is very narcisistic, and she will probably never see the light, even when Jacob wants to live with us because that's the only way he'll get to do things like play soccer.
~ Katrina
They are all friggin related, this I am certain of!!!
We too have ALWAYS tried to communicate openly with BM until lately. She would continue to send nasty emails, not even relating to the children...just something we have done that she did not approve of or something hubby might have done 10 yrs ago when he was with her. Who the hell cares about that now?!! She called so many times screaming or complaining about how we did this or that with the kids because thats not how she does it. Hubby always says, two wrongs don't make a right and I have to try to keep it civil because of the boys. Well, now that she has continued to drive us f***ing crazy this past 2 mths non stop, we spoke to a lawyer. My hubby self represents himself, I filled/filed paperwork for him and overall we did very well for ourselves...another reason BM is pissy. Anyhow, the lawyer suggested getting this journal started immediately and to only communicate through this unless it is an ABSOLUTE emergency. If it means avoiding phone calls (we actually had to report her to the police for harassment for this), & I blocked her email addy. We have a new cell phone # that she will never get, so no texting or calling on it either. There is no longer any communication at dropoffs.
This past weekend was the first time she was able to respond to our new way of communication...the journal. They have joint custody, but kids live with her and come here every other wkend. Of course we opened it and found her venom spilling over the pages. Did we react, yep, to one another. Did we respond to her crap, NOPE!! We answered a couple of questions that actually needed a response and that was it. I would imagine this has pissed her off to no end, but she can't do anything about it now. If she doesn't send it back and forth, she will not be able to communicate at all. Its tough, don't get me wrong. Hubby has wanted to voice his opinion to her several times, but that is what she is wanting, a reaction. This is what this woman gets her kicks from, knowing she is pissing us off and then laughs in your face. As the lawyer said, keep it like a business deal, don't show emotion no matter what bs she dishes out. State facts, answer/ask questions. You can also ask in court for this form of communication to be court ordered so if it doesn't get sent back and forth she can be charged with contempt.
corie
I would worry about the
I would worry about the journal being read by the kids. Anyway, I keep a journal on the computer, and we are no longer going to respond ... like you said, unless it needs an answer.
~ Katrina
But how boring things would be without her
I mean, can you imagine the free time you would have if you didn't have to deal with her drama? You would just be so bored!
There will be no peace with that wacko! Yes, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Got that right! I am just glad that you guys email everything to document conversations. It just shows how crappy she. I feel for Jacob because as he gets older, this hateful person will be taking her toll on him. Don't have any advice for ya... can't even figure my own shit out. But anytime you need to vent, I'm here!
Thanks, sweetie! Hopefully
Thanks, sweetie! Hopefully our new plan of action will work. If not ... Lord I hate to think about it. I didn't feel well this morning so we didn't make it to church ... but I'm really thinking I might talk to our pastor. We are new to the church, so I'm not sure how it works, and aren't even officially members. But ... I need to find a way to keep the faith during the week ...
~ Katrina