You are here

total silence

mndblwn's picture

Submitted by mndblwn on Thu, 09/08/2011 - 6:52pm

ss6 and I are not talking in our house. we don't have to even try and we just don't speak. I think he is scared of me because since i have been the one over the last year that has given rules and done the discipline. BM just came back in may and only spoils the kid rotten. she is the disneyland mom on the weekends and summer with no homework or rules. she ruins dinners with candy before exchanges and gives toys each time kid goes with her which is 3 weekends a month. dh feels he is loosing his sons love and only bursts after he gets annoyed. i can honestly say i don't like my skid because i know the games and nonsense he is playing with everyone. his desk at school is nasty and it's only the second week, he doesn't keep room cleaned and tells the babysitter what he will and won't do for homework after school. he even told her that he wanted to know what it felt like to fall out of the car so he tried to open the door. what is wrong with this kid or is this normal behavior? how do i deal with it before it breaks my family apart? i know i can't stop bm from being retarded especially since skid is 45 lbs and 4 foot yet genius says he is big enough for only a seat belt. she says i need parenting class hahaha.

Comments

AndSoItIs's picture

Submitted by AndSoItIs on Thu, 09/08/2011 - 6:59pm

Therapy. Honestly. A 6 year old while they understand manipulation, they don't understand a lot. I would maybe take him to talk to someone and maybe he can open up about what he's feeling and what makes him act the ways that he does. It worked with us. SS7 used to lie and lie and lie about me to BM. Over the most ridiculous things. And I know this sounds completely textbook but when his "therapist" (licensed family counselor) and he talked for a while and he felt comfortable with her, he told her that he only did it not because he didn't love me, but because he wanted BM to love him more. Who KNOWS what kind of crazy things go on at her house and I'm sure its worse than any of us "normal" people could ever imagine. I could never imagine making my 6 (at the time) year old feel like he had to lie to me about his stepmother because it would make him feel like I loved him more. BMs are sick and twisted sometimes and a lot of times because children are just that, children, they don't know how to express their feelings or who to even tell if they did so they just act out.

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Sun, 09/11/2011 - 5:43pm

The counselling idea seems like a good one to me. I know it is extremely frustrating when you are the one with the day to day responsibility and then your rules and boundaries are undermined by an insecure BM doing popularity parenting, but it sounds like your SS's tendency to test the rules is more a result of the confusion of living between 2 very different home environments. Personally I find it very stressful to live in a silent standoff with someone and I can't help but think it must be much more stressful for a 6 year old to cope with, so maybe a 3rd party who could help you understand each other better could make a big difference. He may look like a manipulator but he's probably just acting on the inconsistencies he sees all around him. On the cleanliness and tidyness front - 6 is very young and I don't think a 6 year old could be expected to keep their room tidy without reminders and a 'tidy up time' routine to the day. I used to find it very frustrating when my SKids seemed to have no compulsion to keep their rooms tidy, but eventually I realised that they weren't trying to be annoying or break rules it was simply that their mother did not require them to keep their rooms tidy so living in a state of chaos seemed normal to them. Eventually they came to adapt to different rules in our house.