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Am I on the right track here?

MJL2010's picture

I would love some advice from my fellow Steptalkers!
I'm going to bullet to be concise and easier to follow:

*Skids are on BM's medical insurance, which DH pays half of
*BM and DH have joint physical and legal custody of SSs, and they divide custody time right down the line 50/50 (except when BM travels- so technically DH has them more)
*Nowhere in their CO does it state that SSs must see a doctor that BM decides upon simply because they are covered under her insurance. It is basic language that states that all medical decisions must be agreed upon.

So, am I right in thinking that legally DH could say to her, "I do not agree that our minor children should continue to see a doctor who is located 19 miles from my house and 31 from yours, BM. We need to find a doctor for the boys who is between our houses."?????

This doctor business has just become ridiculous and the reason she won't find a closer doctor has NOTHING to do with the quality of care the boys receive, believe me- it is a "power", "because-I-can" thing and I think she thinks she has all the control over this. But she doesn't, right?

I am eager to hear your thoughts!


MJL2010's picture

Well the thing is that this "woman" won't even agree to discuss both of them working together to find a doctor closer to both. DH doesn't need to be the one to choose the doctor- he just wants one that he doesn't have to drive 40 miles round-trip to.....for her it's 60 miles round-trip. It really seems reasonable. This doctor actually told her several years ago that she had cancer and then a few weeks later that he was mistaken! He's not a pediatrician, not tearing up the medical community with his knowledge or bedside manner or anything. I am fairly sure that she insists on the boys going to him because DH has requested that she find someone closer and for whatever reason she thinks that SHE holds all the cards. This is all I'm trying to find out- does she??

And LJ, your original question- she won't agree with anything, large or small. You are spot on!

AngeLily's picture

Make sure it isn't a "preferred provider". Some insurances are picky and say you can only see Dr's from this list and if there is such a list, find one closer to both of you. Unless the kids are on routine medication that they must be seen on a regular schedule you really don't need to stick with the one so far away. If there is a local clinic that you go to for basic illnesses, I would take them there when you have them and they need it. My youngest SS and his BM live 45 miles away. He has a general Dr. here and one she takes him to there. But again he is not on regular medications.

MJL2010's picture

I am so hopeful that you are right. Can't find out til Monday. I so hope that their plan would allow that, but I have a feeling as it is a bare-bones, high-deductable plan (so that BM can piss money away on 40,000 Pokemon cards, 26 water bottles because one SS always loses them, and a million outfits for each season- always gotta be a gift when you're our BM) that that will not be allowed. Thank you for your input!

whatwasithinkin's picture

I dont think this is a mountain I would be willing to die on. I think I would be thrilled that she even has then registered with a doctor but that is probably because the BM in our senerio doesnt believe doctors or insurance is even important.
Thank God DH and I do because with out the insurance I provide SD accident when she was on visitation was about a $40,000 bill

MJL2010's picture

Oh jeez that's awful. Nut job BMs are one thing but stupid nut job BMs are even worse. Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with that!

StickAFork's picture

I'd let the kid see a doctor he was comfortable with. How often can he possibly go?

It sounds like you don't want BM choosing the doctor, but dh wants to choose the doctor. Except bm has history on her side.

I agree, this is NOT the hill to die on.

BTW, the "need to agree" is for MAJOR medical decisions...not the day to day care (which a doctor would fall under.) Think things like surgery, counseling, etc. Not where the pediatrician is located. You have no legal basis. Sorry. Sad

MJL2010's picture

SAF, DH wants them to BOTH choose a doctor who is closer to both of them. That's all.

So you say that "...(DH) has no legal basis..."....but does BM? Just because she carries the insurance? Is that by law? It is not in CO.

StickAFork's picture

Well, sure, it's her insurance, but that doesn't really matter.

This doctor has been ok, the kids have been there, and it's been "agreed to" by practice. From what you've written, the kids have seen the doctor previously. Your DH's complicitness is agreement.

With all the power struggles you have with this woman, why are you trying to start a new one??

And how often do they even GO to the doctor?? Shoot, once a month would be suer frequent (I think my kids go maybe once a year??) so how inconvenient can this be?

I have rarely heard of a CO that orders one parent the "right" to choose WHICH physician. MAJOR medical, yes. This, no.

Sorry, but this is really small potatoes, you already have a contentious situation with Bm, and these boys are YOUNG. Why kick the hornet's nest? You wouldn't win, even if you tried.

MJL2010's picture

That's the thing- this doc is farther away from her than from us! It is simply ridiculous that these kids don't go to a doctor who is located closer to them both of them, JUST because BM wants them to go to that doctor. So is it inferred that since she carries the health coverage (though he pays half toward it), SHE gets to make all the decisions about their day-to-day care?

DH just tried to go to the insurance company's site to create an account, so that he can look into coverage and maybe find out about their specifications on primary care physicians (some of you mentioned that we can take them to whomever DH chooses as well as them continuing to see Dr. Faraway)....and she has made it so that he can have no access to their online service. It won't surprise me if he calls them Monday and they tell him that he is blocked from having any access to the boys' accounts, period. This just does not seem right to me. Understandable that she wouldn't want him to have any of her health info, but his sons'? So that he can know what their plan covers? Ummmm.....scratching head.

MJL2010's picture

Yes, he does have a copy of their card.

The issue is that this doctor is in a town 19 miles south of DH and 30 miles south of BM. She will not consider the two of them cooperating to find a doctor who is closer for them both. I am wondering if, legally, she can say "No, they are seeing that doctor and I will not cooperate to find a doctor who is closer to both of us".

MJL2010's picture

Big sigh/lol: of course not intrusive, Angel! Not a lot...but let's see, one time last month because ssB had a horrible for flu shots.....just the usual. I have begun making it a practice to not do anything remotely physical with them because their immaturity and lack of attention to things like listening to safety cues, etc... makes getting hurt a constant probability (check my blog for particularly awful account of taking them ice skating last year).

Just the fact that if they NEEDED to go for a routine appointment or a sick visit, they couldn't go 5-6 miles away- seems completely unreasonable.

AngeLily's picture

So quite honestly contact the local clinic you use and ask if they accept whatever insurance the kids have. Find a local one you like and they feel comfortable with. Take them to that provider whenever you have them and there is the need. Let BM drive a bunch of miles when she's got them, be it the one that it 35 miles from her or closer, no reason for you to have to use the same one if is for basic illnesses. Clinics/drs can share info. As far as logging in to access, dh probably wont be able to unless BM gives him the info to do so. BUT I believe, you can contact the insurance company and request information on the basic coverage info.