SD just got married and keeps reminding us she will COME BACK when she gets DIVORCED!
OMG Hope you all can help shed some light on this. A little history first. My BF and I have been together 2 years and I just moved in inAug to his home (which I am helping to pay for). His grown 26 year old daughter and her husband live w us too.
They just got married but even at the rehersal dinner and quite a few times before and after the wedding she has said, well when we get divorced I'll just come back home. I found a way to gently tell her that going into her marriage with that in mind is not healthy. Yes, we all know divorce exists, but you want to go into your marriage with the best possible intensions.
Here's some more wacky background--she and her husbnad pay NOTHING to live there...they do "pay" for groceries (she wastes a lot of food, sends out a lot and goes out for dinner a lot--without telling us so we have to scramble for dinner at her whims--as cooking and food shopping are her ONLY responsibilities and all she has to pay for--dont get me started about how she crates her dog all day and expects us to babysit or doesn't clean a thing and then complains if I don't do all the dishes...smh).
Her husband is a tradesman and has done 2 small projects in the 4 years he has lived there (before me). I asked how this man/husband moved in and my BF said, oh he just kept coming over and then finally I asked if he was living here...I urged my BF (when we got serious) to talk to his daughter about paying something more for the 2 of them as he works very hard and pays for EVERYTHING, cable, gas, electric, mortgage, upkeep etc...and she said, well he will move out if you ask him for money (and so?...lol).
Needless to say my very passive, but emotionally crippled and emotionally blackmailed man decided to just , go along to get along and let that and a ton of other stuff slide. He had a very bad and abusive marriage and became both mother and father to this child--I read somewhere here that she is what's called a Child-Wife or something like that.
His Daughter has also said that she expects us to leave her room exactly as it is now so that when she drops by w the baby (I know I know) she can stay in her old room. Thank God her husband actually told her that it will be our house when she leaves and that we probably won't leave her room the way it is (not to mention it's deplorable and a mess as is the other spare room she comandeered).
Imagine how shocked she will be when the IKEA truck pulls in when she moves out! There is some hope in that she is now preggo and they are moving before the baby is born they say (the house is nice but it is not made for a baby--lots of stairs etc..). Can you guys help me in advance to see what might be coming here?
She is already saying crazy stuff about other family members and if they make her mad, she will just not let them see the baby etc...so my BF is fearful she will do that to him too. I told him she may have a tantrum but she will be back (because of course she needs Daddy's money and support etc.)
My BF is having trouble w a lot of what I've read here--boundaries, being in the "middle" and sticking up for me. At least now he's admitting he sees and hears what I hear. Initally he was saying I was too sensitive and so on...but now that he really is listening to her toxic drivel (she rips everyone we know apart--even her grandparents who treat her amazing--but will accept money and gifts from them--and laughs about that!--makes me ILL!--this also makes me wonder what she is saying about me).
..In addition to all this, I feel like a captive slave in our home. If I say anything about anything she claims I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm an idiot...Example: I'm a professional DJ/Public Speaker and gave her some advice she asked for about her wedding. She told me I didn't know what the hell I am talking about and then not only used my idea, but when the DJ she hired screwed it up she said, that's how I wanted it anyway...grrrrr...There are TONS of incidents like that.
My worries hear are: Do you guys think they really will leave? (their kid is due in 8 months and not a blessed thing is packed!) And, what do you think my life will be like when this baby comes? I love kids, but she says she has a key and will stop by whenever she wants so she can take a nap and we can watch said baby. My BF says she says these things for "effect" ...whatever the heck that means...so I never know whether to take her seriously...any advice you can give is appreciated. I am starting therapy for this and have been reading books and blogs like mad to keep sane...She also has issues with thanking me for even the simplest thing. She also got wasted recently and said, I'll never share my Daddy with you and if I didn't want you here you wouldn't be...but I also heard she's telling everyone how great I am for her Dad (which I am! lol). I know she is struggling internally and would really love to hate me, but I am giving her no ammo or reason to...(which is a challenge). Thoughts? Am I nuts?