So I'm completely new to this place. I just happened to stumble across this community while searching Google (as I'm sure many others have done) for advice on how to deal with a difficult stepkid. Even searching it, I feel horrible. My SS isn't what you'd call a "bad kid". He's just head strong, stubborn, and has a major problem with women. Did I mention he's only five? He seems to lack the ability to accept authority from anyone other than his father. And with hearing phrases like "well he's an 'alpha-male' personality", is it really any surprise? I've been told that I push him, and that I nitpick, and maybe I do. I thought that was the job of a parent, to help guide and correct. Yet all it ever gains is a strong feeling of despair and failure. I also have a seven year old biological daughter, and she is the light of my life. Don't misunderstand, she's not perfect, but she definitely makes it hard not to compare.

Some days I feel like the evil step-mother. Even in re-reading that paragraph, I feel like I'm comparing the good child to the horrid one. I consciously try not to do that to my children. SS's BM walks in and out of his life, treating him like a convenience, while BD's BF hasn't even attempted contact in 4 years. The children have had enough difficulty in their lives without me making it harder. Yet I just can't seem to make things better.

I joined today, because today was the day I almost gave up on SS. I analyzed my current situation, and I cried. It's probably standard behavior for most step parents out there. Sure, SS lies constantly. He also refuses to do anything I ask, going so far as to do the exact opposite on most occasions. He's developed what my SO calls "nervous ticks". Except that he consciously trained himself into them. He gasps for air like a fish if you correct him on anything. He wipes his hands on the table while eating...constantly. He fiddles and crosses his fingers 24/7, literally causing him to drop food while eating. I tried correcting these things. That made them worse. Then i was told I am pushing him, and that's "not something an alpha male takes well." So I dropped it. I ;ve been trying to be more lax. Yet the one that I can't seem to let go, is the attitude change. I'm sure I'm not the only one. The second daddy walks in the door at night he goes from stubborn and screaming to sunshine and rainbows.

It's gotten to the point where my retelling of events has been questions by my SO. On several occasions I've been told that what I'm saying is "taken with a grain of salt". It's so frustrating. I quit my job to deal with my SS's violent behavior and constant misbehaving. Now I see the progress that;s been made away from being violent (YAY!) but the misbehaving only gets worse (boo). I feel stuck. I feel like any time I approach him to talk to him, he doesn't hear a word (and he doesn't, his answer to everything is "okaaaaaaaay"). I feel like I'm not getting any help from my SO who has the "Boys will be boys", "ID complex", and "Alpha personality" mentalities when it comes to SS. I also feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Anyone else ever feel like a failure as a parent over their SK's actions and reactions?