Broken today..sorry, kinda long.
I've been planning a nature walk with the kids and DH for over a week now. It kept getting pushed back as DH had other obligations that would pop up. That's understandable, adult stuff happens. But it kept making me the bad guy, since I was the one that had to keep telling the kids "sorry guys, not today". We finally went yesterday. Today, I'm emotionally broken.
Let me start by saying that it felt SO GOOD to finally get out of the house and do something physical. Since I stopped working to help get SS5 on track, I've been stress eating and gaining weight. Not a lot of weight, but I've always been in relatively good shape until just this last year. I used to do yoga twice a day, at home, until SS5 decided that he would use those 20 minute time slots to break every rule imaginable. I've just felt really stuck, really lazy, and just generally not very proud of who or what I've become physically. Yet I still can;t seem to lay off the cookies. The nature walk was a way for me to get some exercise. DH has a gym membership that he gets to use to get away from everything and work on just him time. Why shouldn't I at least be able to take the kids somewhere fun and get some exercise for me as well right? Wrong.
The walk itself was fairly fun. We had a few instances of me trying to keep SS5 from falling in the river as he was too busy goofing off to pay attention to his surroundings, but not too bad overall. However, definitely not something I could take the kids to do on my own. We decided that it's something we could do every few weeks (like that will happen) and set off for dinner.
Dinner was a disaster. SS5 was pure attitude. From the moment we sat down, he made faces at me across the table. Every time I asked him to stop, and DH would turn his head, he would relax his face and say "ok, sorry mom". After the fourth time, you have to wonder what "sorry" means to this kid. He continued the night by filling his straw with soda, suctioning it to his lip, then flipping it across the restaurant. Couple this with statements like "Did you even TRY your drink mom? Geez" (because i had eaten a piece of ice out of my glass) and the night quickly went to hell. DH said nothing. However, when DD8 got out of her chair and stood by the table for no reason, then stood right back up after being asked to sit down and stay there, that was immediately addressed by DH.
After the dinner drama, I decide that dessert is out of the question and it's time to head home. We get to the parking lot and SS5 punches me full force in the side screaming "SLUG BUG!". DH bursts out laughing, high fives SS5, and tells him that it was awesome. I'm sorry, did we not just have a hitting problem over the "stop hitting yourself" game? And you think "Slug bug" is a good idea? I was so irritated.
Cut to home, and the kids are in bed...well supposed to be in bed. But no, SS5 comes into the kitchen while I'm cleaning and says "Excuse me, but you forgot my dessert. I want my ice cream now."I told him there would be no dessert after today's behavior and he could go to bed. So he trudged off to his room pouting about how "why doesn't mom love me" blablabla. (this is his newest manipulation).
This morning I decide to start the day off right. We have a bit of extra money, so I figure I'll start looking at in home workout systems. Not a home gym or anything, just something fun enough to keep me moving and where I can focus on kids and workout at the same time. Zumba or somethign along those lines. DH asks what I'm doing, so I show him, hoping he'll be happy that I'm finally motivated enough to do something about my lack of exercise. His response? "that's great, we'll have to look at those in a payday or two." Devastation.
Meanwhile, SS5 wakes up early, and sneaks into DD8's room calling "DD8...wake up". I pull him out, ask what he's doing and tell him it's rude to wake someone up early. "But I'm bored so she has to get up and play with me." UGH! Are you effing kidding me? That was my last straw today.
This is all after yet another explosion with the in-laws calling DH a liar about the things they said to him that he told me that supposedly never happened. And a statement about how "you never know when the ex-in-laws might call CPS". which to me says "Hey, we're going to call CPS because we hate you and we want you to think it's someone else." Seriously, I'm so done right now.
Alright, rant over. Sorry guys, but thanks for listening.