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MOTY award (once again)

MissK03's picture

So.. SS18s GF broke up with him last week. We knew it would happen eventually but I didn't think it would be this quick. Now he has been friends with this girl through high school but she wasn't ever interested in him. All of his friends are mixed in with this girl so he wasn't seeing any of his friends. I'll add she's 18 with no job, not going to school, and no license yet.. apparently working on all of them.. she comes from an INTACT family too. Complete failure to launch. 


So, because SS18 has no where to go... one of his stops BMs. He comes home Thursday last week and says to us that he met BM "out at a bar" and the bartender knew some people he knew (I'm assuming freshly 21..) and SS18 felt "better" talking to her about it... OK. 

So last night he starts with.."what are we going to be doing in Mexico?" SO is like whatever we want. Hangout, eat, they have shows at the resort, probably go snorkeling one day etc. I'll add there are multiple families going on this trip.. so plenty of people to hang out with..

SS18 follows with.."well can I drink?!" SO says.."uhhh no." Let's keep in mind SS18 is immature for 18. Kid has work ethic but he has the mentality of a 12/13 year old. 

SS18 keeps with that's its legal there blah blah. SO says well we are going to be following US laws and no SS you can't drink.

HERE is where things get interesting.. SS18: "well it's legal for a parent to buy their child 18-20 a drink at bar that's what Mom says and LOOK LOOK I'LL SHOW YOU!!!!" He busts out trusty google..

I'm just like LOLL seriously.. this is one of the dumbest things I've heard. I go SS18 I've NEVER heard of such a thing EVER. 

He does pull up some random thing that states they (18-20) can possess but nothing about consumption. So we pull articles about bars getting shut down for underage drinking.. I text my friend who's a state cop for further clarification. I also told SS18 (because I just don't give a fxxx anymore) that good luck finding a bar to serve you and I guess it will have to be with your mother because not a chance in hell we would ever do that. 

So basically BM was encouraging SS18 to drink. The kid he is so mentally immature to begin with ... Not surprised. It's funny when he came home Thursday from his bar hang out with Mommy he made it a point to say "I had a Shirley temple.. non alcoholic." Ok SS18 because the drink is already a non alcoholic drink... 

BM hangs out in dive biker bars so im sure they WOULD serve underage. 


Also...SS18 told SO that BM and her husband but a driver camper so they can tow their motorcycles out of state and camp I guess. BM naturally told him it cost 27k. Must be nice! My guess that is her husband buying that but... still.. must be nice. 



tog redux's picture

It actually is legal for parents to allow kids to drink at their home, and in some places, to buy them alcohol to drink elsewhere as well.  At least in NY state it is. 

Honestly, let the kid have a drink in Mexico - it's better he do it under dad's supervision. 

MissK03's picture

If he was a mature 18.. I wouldn't be totally against it. He isn't.. if he drinks in Mexico he will get hammered and be puking everywhere. 

MissK03's picture

We won't be able to control what we can't see but, SS18 is the type that will be all over his stories like he's soooo coolll drinking. That's why we are like yeahhh noo...

lieutenant_dad's picture

If you won't be able to control it when he's with you, then you certainly won't be able to control it when he isn't.

The US is pretty backwards with how we treat alcohol and introduce it to kids/young adults. Many other countries recognize allowing teens (14-15 years old) to drink a glass of wine or beer with their parents curbs the curiosity and reduces binge drinking in the future. By the time they're 18 and able to buy and consume themselves, it's less appealing to binge. It's not foolproof by any means, but it helps.

I think your DH is making a mistake by allowing BM to be the one to introduce alcohol to SS. He's showing interest and seeking guidance from DH. Because SS is 18, and an immature 18, I think this trip provides a learning time where DH can introduce some drinks to SS that are less alcoholic, teach SS how to pace out drinking (e.g. "you can have A drink at dinner but you also need to have a glass of water with it"), and instruct him on how small drinks don't mean they're less potent even if they're less filling. 

SS will drink whether your DH lets him or not. Your DH shouldn't think of it as SS drinking versus not drinking, but SS drinking educated/hopefully smarter or SS drinking like a fool.

advice.only2's picture

Okay so I will say I have always thought the legal drinking age should be 18...I know I know, but my reasoning is, if they are old enough to vote, to sign up for the military and to get married, drive a car, buy a gun then they should be old enough to drink.  I know not a popular opinion but it's mine.

I understand the kid being mentally immature, but let him drink, at least DH is ther to supervise and keep him safe if need be (I doubt BM will do the same) and when he's puking his guts out the next day all over Mexico and you guys are making him go out on the boat to snorkel...maybe it won't be so appealing anymore.


tog redux's picture

I agree - or at most, 19 - so they are out of high school at least.  21 is crazy high when we allow them to get married at 18, drive, buy a house, get killed in a war ...

tog redux's picture

Why not, if it's legal there? Canada is legal at 18-19, too. As are most European countries, even younger. The US is the only place with such a high drinking age.  

notarelative's picture

I'd let SS drink in Mexico. I wouldn't let him drink to excess, but I would let him drink. 

We, BS and I, traveled to Italy when BS was 17. Legal age in Italy is 16. I let him drink beer a few times on the trip. It was legal. One a day, a few times, wasn't excessive. It was fine. 

21 is not a magic age. It's arbitary. In the 1970s the legal age in my state was 18. Then they raised it (gradually) to 21 again. 

Be realistic. If you are at a resort, and they can legally serve him, unless you are glued to him 24/7, he is going to drink. 

Mominit's picture

All of the kids were allowed a drink at home with us, or on vacation if they were the legal age.  As a result, none of them felt the urge to go out and get smashed at the magic age of 19 (Ontario).  By that point it was no big deal.  And since they'd learned to drink with their parents, it wasn't a "cool" thing to do, it was just "meh".  Takes the mystery and exotic right out of it, and teaches them HOW to drink (don't pour strong drinks, don't mix alcohols, don't accept drinks from strangers, know your limits, be comfortable saying no thanks I have an early day tomorrow....etc.)

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My parents allowed all of us to drink at home - in moderation. 10 was the magic age when we were allowed a tiny glass of wine (about a quarter of an ounce) on special occasions: birthday dinners, holidays. Each year, we got a little bit more wine. By 18,  we were allowed to have a couple of beers or glasses of wine at home (as long as we weren't going anywhere). Unlike a lot of my schoolmates, I did not attend a "drinking" party until I was one month shy of my 21st birthday. Never felt like I missed out on anything. FTR, I was in Mexico for 2 weeks at age 18. I had 2 daiquiris - at different times. *unknw*

But not all teenagers are cut out to handle that.

MissK03's picture

I was drinking at 17 at a friends house with their parents so I totally get what everyone is saying. I'm mean if SS16 (almost 17) wanted a beer.. I would be like ok. SS18 is a follower. If SO wasn't strict with him he would 100% be addicted to something. He is that kid/person. The multiple times he got caught with weed (thc vapes) the making sure he checked in with him while he was out.. etc. If SO didn't parent him the way he did... he would have gone down a different path. 

That's why SO is staying strict with the alcohol stuff with him. It's frustrating when SO is the one that has kept this kid on track (I'll take some credit even though I'm not his biggest fan) and BM has done NOTHING to parent this kid but, she's encourage this behavior. She wants to be "cool." 

That's more the point of the blog. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Understandable: your SS is one who is NOT cut out to handle it. I don't blame your SO one bit for handling it the way he needs to - he knows best! Sorry for going on a little tangent. *give_rose*

caninelover's picture

And your SO's call is that he's not ready - so regardless of what anyone else did or didn't do he should stick to his guns on that.

Yes, in general it is best to let kids try out alcohol under supervision and in a safe environment.  But each kid is unique so its really up the parent's judgement.  And clearly both you and SO agree that SS is NOT ready.

DPW's picture

Legal age is 18 or 19 here depending on the province. No issues as compared to the U.S.

Let him drink in Mexico. He's of age to do pretty much everything else, regardless of maturity level. If he blows it, then he can suffer predetermined consequences. 

justmakingthebest's picture

We let my Autistic SS when he was 18 drink in Mexico. He was so poud of himself walking up to a bar and ordering a beer for him and DH. He brought it back and it was honestly a cool moment. 

He is going to be able to order drinks there so unless you plan on keeping tabs on him 100% of the time, this wouldn't be my hill to die on.