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Update to SD calling DH Sunday night

missgingersnap2021's picture

First off I have to admit  I got things wrong. SD did text DH at 11:15 to tell him she was home and to tell him her plans for the next day. DH was the one that asked her if her mother was home. I don't know word for word what was exchanged back and forth. SD might have been ok with it or she might have been upset about it. I am sure though that she fed off of his concern. But again I will never know for sure.

I do know that BM did what she always does when DH tries to text her things like this (It wasn't his first time texting her telling her to get home) - She ignored it.

To the birth control question - Yes he knows she is on the pill. She has been on it since she got her period.

As for the apology - He did come home yesterday and tried to do the gaslighting switcheroo and play the victim - That he feels like I am never happy with him. That he can do anything right blah blah blah. I told him what upset me was how he ended the texting and just went to sleep without saying a word to me. I told him I dont need to know word for word what happened but that he knows damn well that if the tables were turned and I ended up texting someone for 30 minutes he would want to know what it was all about. 

I think he is trying to change but just either doesnt know how to or is incapable. When he was talking to me he was trying to be nice but he just doenst know how to accept responsibility or apology. I do know though that he is sensing me pulling away and shutting down. Even when things are "good" I don't feel 100% happy. 



Harry's picture

Is your DH so concerned about his EX ,  BM.  His DD is 18. Most 18 yo can spend the night alone at home.  There is food, water, electricity internet ect,    Yes your DH is controlling,  he is trying to control his ex's life.  How in anybody world does he has the right to tell her to get home. 
with a man like this , no wonder you are having problems.   Time to exit. He not going to change.   Also in your exit plan make allowances for him to try to to control your life 

Rags's picture

Take your lessons from BM and accelerate your exit plan.  Before you sacrifice any more of your life to this gaslighting controlling failed parent and spouse.

Take care of you.  A marriage should never be this difficult. At least not one worth remaining in.

missgingersnap2021's picture

No becuase I know why. To him he is tryng to show her he is the better parent. He ends up looking foolish is all though.

MissK03's picture

So instead he looks like a controlling lunatic. To be honest.. I would be embarrassed if SO ever did something like that.. It makes it look like his relationship with you is a joke by texting his ex wanting to know where she is, why she isn't home etc. 

Ginger.. he needs a real "come to jesus" talk. None of this is right and you know this. I would be more upset with the texting BM then SD. 

Felicity0224's picture

I agree. I would be beside myself if my husband behaved that way towards his ex. It's beyond controlling, it implies a continued intimacy. 

Winterglow's picture

Chances are he thinks the birth control is for her acne. She doesn't have acne? Proves that it works.. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Actually hes not that clueless. He is even worried becuase 2 girls her age are pregnant. He said that he hopes she doesnt think having a baby will fill a void. What void I have no idea. She has 2 parents very involved in her life.

Winterglow's picture

He doesn't want her to think a baby will fill the void. Ok, but maybe a baby would liberate her from an overbearing and suffocating helicopter father 

stepmomnorth's picture

SDs actions seem normal, but how he texted bio mom, wow that is quite ludicrous. An 18 year old... To me he's just prying into bio moms business to see what she's up to. Either that or he's really that helicopter parent of an 18 year old?

You could ask him.. So which is it.. Either you want to know bio moms business or you don't think an 18 year old can be alone,? 

dragonfly878's picture

^^^^ agreed. What business is it of his what BM does on her time with her adult daughter? If our BM tried to contact DH if we were out and running late- I'd be livid. It's really none of his business... it just seems controlling.

stepmomnorth's picture

Have you ever seen the texts that he's sent to bio mom that night at midnight ? Have you asked him to see what he sent her? Might be telling. Catch him off guard and ask to see what he sent her. If he gets sweaty and squirmy... 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Hellicopter parent, totally. Inappropriate , absolutely. You know it.

You do realize most women would go bat shit crazy if their husband texts his EX WIFE while his wife is sleeping next to him. I dont give a rats ass its for the kids. The kid is 17! 

I dont know how you do it. You are one calm lady. By now my sis wouldve been helping me bury his body. Only kidding, but he would wish I was cause life would not be good for him.

When you stay calm and quiet, that works for him to continue on with the status quo.

Unless your quiet and calm is because its part of your exit plan, otherwise I truly do not know what else to say.


ESMOD's picture

Things would have to be pretty extreme before I could see someone doing that.  It would literally have to be a situation where the kid hasn't heard from mom.. has no idea where she is.. and can't reach her.. and even then.. it's most likely the solution would be to tell the kid to come over and leave a note for mom.  

Perhaps then a TEXT to the mom.. "hey.. told our kid to come over tonight because she was worried because she didn't know where you were.. and couldn't reach you.. "  And if no text or response or mom showing up by the next morning.. calling police.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Wow, so he has a pattern of being a prick to women he is in, or had, relationships with...