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Just another example of why SD and DH get on my nerves

missgingersnap2021's picture

What SD said as we were eating dinner last night:

She was talking about trying to get another job this summer since she's only babysitting two days a week for about three hours each day. So she says she wants to apply at such and such place because her friend works there and her friend told her how easy it is and how she has very little to do there and that it's not busy so she doesn't have to wait on a lot of customers. (Its a smoothie shop) Meanwhile DH listens to this and doesn't say anything whereas  I am biting my tongue almost off wanting to say things like "so your goal is to have a job where you do the least amount of work, have the least amount of responsibilities and learn absolutely nothing?"

Do you think DH will say anything to her this weekend when she's laying around all day Saturday and Sunday about applying for jobs?  That would only happen if hell was to froeeze over. 

Comments

AlmostGone832's picture

This may actually be a positive thing..

 She is willing on her own to work MORE (Little Idiot will never work an hour longer anywhere than she is forced to). The only reason she worked as much as she did while with us is because I flat out told my husband and her that if she was moving in she had to work a minimum of 15 hours a week. (And even that backfired on me because she still came up with ways to work less). She never would have decided on her own to work more than two nights a week if her parents were ok with doing the minimum. Perhaps she wants more freedom away from her overbearing Daddy??? That also is great for you because it would get her out of your hair more! Even though it's an easy job, it's still a job (which is what my SD avoids like the plague.... Little Idiot also quit her stint at a smoothie shop after only a couple months btw). Also more hours out means more spending time with her peers and hopefully more relationships made that aren't with Daddy. Plus if this job is easy, she will be less likely to quit it.

stepmomnorth's picture

Might end up not being a bad thing. When I was that age i worked at an airbag factory where my job was only to push out the folded out corners on the inside of the airbag. Still taught me the same things about work, coworkers, arriving on time, responsibility, worth ethic and dealing with bosses etc. Pays the same as other jobs so win win. (not to say I didn't have some harder jobs also.) I also worked at a tomato canning factory where my job was to pick out the rotten tomatoes. Super easy job..paid comparable or more than other of my friends jobs in fast food industry. Since it's just a summer job I don't think it's that bad of a thing. Make some money, stay busy

 

Rags's picture

included mowing lawns, baby sitting, teaching swim lessons and competitive swim coaching, pizza delivery/cooking/dish washing....

My first full time job was as a restaurant manager trainee. I spent 6 years progressing from that role until I ran the investment firm and was a partner.

Reliability, work ethic, self reliance, money managment, etc... are all part of what young people learn from working.  IMHO a parent's job is to amplify those lessons by tuning rewards and consequences appropriately.

AlmostGone832's picture

I understand where OP is coming from. Her SD is at the most frustrating age for a SP. She is soooo close to launching (and yet so far). She is nearly an adult and yet still clings to childhood. This can be really frustrating for a SP who just wants adulthood to arrive already! I remember I was going bonkers when Little Idiot was that age. It's like you want to scream "FINALLY YOURE AN ADULT! ADIOS!" but since society has crippled these kids, it's become the norm for them not to launch until later (sometime much later). Ugh. I remember being so resentful. 

Hang in there OP, maybe she will meet a different boy (one with more free time) while being out working more. That might speed the maturity along! Or introduce her to Tinder lol. That's how LI met Goofy.

hregal2011's picture

I would see this as a positive. My bio daughter 17, has a strong work ethic and has (willingly) been employed since 15. My youngest daughter is 15 and just started part time at a candy shop.  My SD16, worked for a few months last year and then Quit became it moved too fast.  Burger King...was too stressful...she remains unemployed to this day.  She is holding out for a job with less ppl and more animals.  This is ironic because in true beginning her mother was unemployed for Years because she wouldn't lower her standards to fast food or the alike...wanted that corner office lol.

advice.only2's picture

Hey she's got a job and looking for another, positive despite how you feel about the amount of labor involved.  What steps are you taking to disengage? To work on an exit plan.  To find your own peace. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Nothing this girl does will ever be good enough for you. You have been complaining that all she does is babysit. Now she is talking about getting another job, and because its not the kind of job you think she should have, it is still wrong.

If she went to work at the smoothie shop, she would learn all sorts of things, so I'm not sure how you think she would learn "nothing." She would learn how to make a smoothie, how to run a cash register, how to deal with people, how to deal with fellow employees and management, how to manage her time, etc.

Just curious, what kind of a job could she get that would win your approval?

missgingersnap2021's picture

Keep in mind she only talked about this job. Any job she actually applied for would get my approval. 

1dad5kids's picture

Sounds like a sweet gig for a teen. I feel like we all probably wanted that kind of job when we were her age 

AgedOut's picture

That's the usual type of job for her age grouping. it's okay to not hate on anything or everything she does or doesn't do. you've set the imaginary bar so high that she will always be a failure in your eyes. 

Evil4's picture

I get what you're saying, MissGingersnap. Your SD's description of the job being easy and having little to do is yet one more piece of evidence that your SD is taking the easy way out and your DH is sitting there not saying a damn word, which makes it look like it's totally OK to not have any indications of a decent work ethic or higher aspirations. I've always told my DH that silence is assent. It seems as though your DH is sending the message to your SD that it's perfectly OK to do the bare minimum.  

It's actually sad that your DH is so afraid of saying anything to his own DD, lest he rock the boat. I wonder what kind of message that sends to her. She'll either turn out like my SD and her BM, who think they are so damn great and special that they just don't have to do the things in life that everyone else has to do or she'll never discover her own competence or self-mastery. She'll have a subconscious belief that she's not good for anything. Yet your DH would rather risk either of those two outcomes than to risk rocking the boat by encouraging his DD and even pushing her a bit. As a bio mother, I would not be able to sit back and watch my DD take the easy way out. But then I'm not afraid of pissing her off or having her hate me at times. When my DD was a tween, I encouraged her to finish her swimming levels and get her lifeguarding because as a teenager, she'll get paid way more than her peers would. I remember making more money than my peers when I was a lifeguard and taught swimming lessons. I also encouraged DD to continue her music by teaching it when she reached a certain level. She tutored HS kids when she was in uni and they are all things she has on her resume. I don't know why a parent wouldn't want to encourage their child to work towards living up to their potential and living a fulfilling life. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Than you for understanding where I am coming from. You and Almostgone get it becuase you have similiar SD's. The best part? Waiting to see if she even does apply for any other job. My guess is she won't.