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I just don’t know how many weekends like this I can take!!!

missgingersnap2021's picture

So as my last blog stated I've been getting a major case of the blues dreading when SD friends go off to college and her boyfriend starts CC in a couple weeks.  

On top of that I'm just getting really restless and annoyed even more so than usual on weekends she's here because I just see her doing nothing day after day. So last night she was supposed to leave at 5:45 to  go out to eat and see a movie with her boyfriend and their plans got messed up a bit  and she didn't leave until eight. I get it plans change but it was the way she came down to tell us and what she said that just set the tone for the evening.

She comes into the kitchen and says "well his parents want him to eat there now so I'm just gonna eat with y'all". It was her tone of entitlement and her southern twang that annoyed me! Not to offend people from the South but I hate when people say  "ya'll" and try to talk super Southern. Ironically DH is from the south and yet he hates it too. And he will make comments when he hears other women talk like that but I guess it's perfectly OK when little Fufu does. I also think she was the one to suggest to her boyfriend that he eat at home and she would eat here because she knew what we were going to get for dinner (because DH had to tell her and it was from a place she liked. Why he had to tell her I have no idea!) Anyways the evening was a wash. 

Now this morning DH ran off to get bagel sandwiches since SD is here and he always feels the need to do this when she's here. And lucky me she just woke up so he is going to want us all to sit and eat breakfast together! ( most weekends he gets them before she wakes up so we eat ours together and then she wakes up but today she got up early) Now I can suffer through a "happy family meal" or I can go upstairs  while they eat first and then eat mine later which will piss DH and put him in a mood for the rest of the day! 
Im just tired of always being in these lose-lose scenarios. And I'm also so tired of other peoples plans changing that end up ruining my days/nights. 

I can't wait to see what she's going to do today! God forbid DH tells her to get off her bed and go out and look for a job!!! ( and yes I am leaving for a bit today to do my own thing) 





Harry's picture

You were going out to eat Then go, SD can open the jar of PB&J. And eat by herself.  If SD is old enough to have a BF. She can make her own food.  
Your main problem is DH,  he want to plat Disney dadddddy   Putting his princess befor his wife.  Why do you care if you piss off DH, he going to be pissed off anyway so you should do it. 
Next time you go out leaving SD at home, if DH doesn't want to go just tell him you are going our, and may find a real man out there.  One who know how to treat a woman 

missgingersnap2021's picture

No we weren't going out to eat. We were getting takeout (fried chicken because DH was doing it for me because I had told him I hadn't had any in years!) It was our first time eating it together for dinner. We couldn't go get it and not get her something. 

It was just the way she said it. And then she goes "Do you want me to text you want I want?" To DH. He's like no you can just tell me. But she could have said " what were you planning on getting?" Or something nicer. It's just the entitlement kids show these days that bug me!

Survivingstephell's picture

I think you are beyond the point of no return with these two.  It won't matter how she says something,  it will bug you.  You stay in this marriage and twenty years from now you will still have the same complaints, if you haven't killed yourself first.  These two WILL be the death of you one way or another.  Years of stress takes toll on the body, not just mental but physically too.   It's as if you have a permanent third person in this marriage and no hope of her going away.  You can't get through to DH that he needs to change, not that he could.  The whole situation needs a drastic bomb thrown at it to see if any thing could change.  I don't think you are ready to make that move yet but just how long are you going to torture yourself, your health?  Think about giving yourself a concrete deadline to make that choice.  

MissK03's picture

SO will always ask SS19 and SS17 (SD is basically an automatic) if they want take out even if they aren't home. 

No offense... you guys seem to have weird food rituals. I just don't see getting upset on when someone eats a breakfast sandiwich.

missgingersnap2021's picture

The point was I didn't want to start my day with all of us eating together. The only alone time we get on weekends she is here is a little bit on Saturday mornings ( they go to church Sunday mornings). I cherish this hour or two when we have coffee and talk. 
 And yes recently she has been going off and doing her own thing but it's usually in the afternoon when DH and I are both doing our own things (errands, chores etc) so we don't get that quality one-on-one time. 

MissK03's picture

Then step life isn't for you. Ginger you are never going to win the battle here.

You guys get 20 other days a month where you have alone time... do you know what I would do to have 1 day to not have anyone in the house??!! Including SO lol..

I really get where you are coming from but is it really worth it for you...!! Probably 5-10 more years of it...

missgingersnap2021's picture

No it isn't For me. And if I had had even an inkling of what my life would've been like the day I met my DH I would have never wanted to meet him. I wish I could go back in time and do a do over. These past 6 years been the most dysfunctional painful thing of my life. ( The first two were OK because we were living separately)

The years I dealt with my parents having cancer and dying were better than this. Even as I'm writing this we just got done with dinner and I'm not even done cleaning up the kitchen and he goes to SD "come on let's go play darts." And leaves me in the kitchen! 

I'm just so sick and tired of him still treating her like she's a 10 year old and having to entertain her every second she's under this roof!! that is why I am dreading what's gonna be happening in the next couple weeks her friends will be gone her boyfriend will be busy and she'll be sitting around here doing fucking nothing so he'll be coddling her 24/7. Most people get to have things change for the better as the kids get older but not in the fucked up world of step life! 

ESMOD's picture

Some parents enjoy their children's company.  He probably also figures he he got her out of your hair with the darts.

Again.... you are making yourself miserable making mountains out of molehill. Him getting her fried chicken takeout... her waking an hour early.   She doesn't live there full time but you still resent every instance of him wanting to spend time with or do a nice thing with her. As you said on the other blog...he is quite generous with you when she is not there... can't you understand how he might want to be nice to his kid too? Even if he isn't on her ass about a job at the moment. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

He's going beyond being nice! He is spoiling her, trying to stop her from growing up and doing absoultly NOTHING to help her with her future! A parent who doesnt make their children work is ridicuals! Yes if they are in school full-time then no they may not need to work duringthe school year but at the very least shoudl be working during the summers. Her 6 hours a week course starts next month and I would bet $1000 she wont be working at all!

MissK03's picture

I agree with that he and BM have failed SD in many aspects of her "growing up." And because we (meaning you and I have the same feelings with certain things) have absolutely no control in the end with how these kids turn drives us insane. I also think you have let things drive you literally crazy.. but in reality weren't that serious..

That being said... I don't see you ever being at peace with the status of your life with DH and SD. 

You have to figure out your next move. 


For example.. me getting SS19 a full time job with a major soda company because I have connections with a ton of people through out. I didn't do that for all for SS19... I did it for me too.

There was no path for him after he graduated... SO wasn't pushing anything on him.. BM is fucking useless... And there was no way I was going to be woken up to him playing  Xbox at 4am.. So I suggested I could get easily get him job and he was for it. I'll add SS19 was already working part time elsewhere when he graduated.. 

Only difference is SO let's me actually talk to skids... and SS19 has work ethic.

I honestly think if you were "allowed" too you could have had a bigger impact on SD then what was given. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Actually the second he said that and they walked out to the garage I stopped cleaning and went upstairs. I was so pissed and annoyed! 

Evil4's picture

I went on strike once. Best damn thing I ever did. I had to hold out for several weeks though. Just about drove me insane because I like a spic and span house, especially kitchen, but I stayed strong during my many eye twitches and came home to a spic and span house one day. LOL 

Also, I wasn't shy about the comments I made. During the height of the mess when my DH said he was depressed over such a filthy house, I said, "well, it's not my turn," and turned on my heel and walked out. I also remember saying "contrary to your belief I'm not below another broad and I will not clean up after another broad." 

Findthemiddle's picture

Sorry to hear you're struggling and feeling isolated in your own home.  The possibility of change seems slim for the immediate future.  Hopefully you can find a way to not let it take up space in your head.  It's just that life is short and time is precious.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Thats just it - Life IS short and I hate having a 1/3 of it spent with SD here and DH basically making me 2nd when she is here! 

Evil4's picture

Is BM still moving? I would be very suspicious that your DH may want to seize the opportunity to rescue SD from mean old BM and have Fu-Fu move in full time. Her friends and BF will be busy meeting milestones and may even outgrow SD, so you can no longer count on them diverting SD's attention away from the house. I know that when DD22 graduated HS, the kids meeting milestones and goals drfifted away from the others.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Supposedly she decided to not move now. Even if she does, she would still be in our town. Just in a different neighborhood. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

You to DH and SD after dinner  "Y,all can clean up the kitchen before you play darts..." then walk out the room.

Say something like this if it happens again.

No way should you be Alice in the Brady Brunch. Even then Alice got treated better.

Start asserting yourself more and more. F to your DH if he gets mad. Just get the tude of "Bring it on king daddio"

Winterglow's picture

So, the bf's parents insist that he eat with them on a Friday evening? Doesn't that strike you as odd? I wonder if they aren't passively trying to keep him from getting too involved. He, apparently, has ambitions and maybe they don't want their son getting too involved with a girl who has none and who clearly doesn't have a work ethic. 

stepmomnorth's picture

Is she allowed to eat over at his parents house? When I was that age and had a BF, I was constantly at his house for dinners 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Ding ding for seeing that. My bet you are spot on.

Exactly why would the parents want him to eat at home without the GF? . Usually you would ask the GF as well especially since they had plans already to go out. 


For Gingers sake I hope they dont break up. She will be home 24/7



missgingersnap2021's picture

You know I think Winterglow is on to something. SD does eat over there but I do think boyfriends parents may be tryng to limit how often. I thought it was weird the whole thing Friday night but I never know how much truth SD gives. 

I do know if I had a son going to CC first but then going on to get a degree in Pysical Therapy, that is working 40 hours a week and is playing softball I would look at SD as maybe a sweet girl but not one I would want my son to be with long term. 

All I know is that in just a couple weeks the only time she will leave this house is when she will be with him and if they broke up I would not be able to deal with it! 

Evil4's picture

This is exactly what I wanted to say. I remember doing the same thing to a couple of DD22's flounding friends. To this day these very same friends are still unemployed and getting handouts from Mummmmmeeeeee and Dadddeeeeeee. DD and her friends totally drifted away from the floundering ones on their own. Last year DD dumped a guy because she said what a turn-off it is when a young adult is lazy, overly dependent upon a parent and has no ambition. I bet either the BF is lying and is already turning off of SD or his parents are trying to prevent him from getting too involved with her. Years ago when SS had a GF like MissGinersnap's SD, I told him explicity to wrap up his ween because it was hard to say if a kid was her ticket to a form of income. It turned out that BM told SS the same thing. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

You know whats really sad? DH is worried she may want to get pregnant. I mean she grew up seeign her mom living the good life off of a man. Why wouldn't she want to do the same?

caninelover's picture

I sure hope for your sake that isn't true.  That would be an immediate deal-breaker for me, DH supporting SD with a baby.  Nope.  That would definitely add to fears already, sorry Ginger.


Winterglow's picture

And that is the very reason why he should be trying to teach her about independence and working to take care of herself rather than trying to keep her as his "little girl" If he doesn't step things up, his worst fears are going to come true. 

CLove's picture

I get it being hard to watch when and able-bodied skid is skating along doing zero and gets the red carpet treatment.

Id be looking real hard when they decide to flounce out on the cleaning. preempt next time "chef doesnt clean today!!!"