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Getting rid of SD furniture

missginger's picture

So I decided to get new living room furniture to celebrate the new year. DH paid for everything when we redid our kitchen this summer ( new granite, cabinets and stainless steel appliances) so this was my way of also sprucing up our home (and wayyy cheaper then the kitchen!) :-) 

So in addition to getting rid of our old sofa, chair and ottoman (and replacing w/ new) I got a coordinating accent chair. So I suggested we move one chair w/ a matching ottoman from the living room up to our bonus room and put it where we've had SD16's chaise lounge. It is zebra print and hot pink and completely tacky!! It's also dingy. DH got it for her when she was 9 and he had just split from the ex.  (It did not fit in her room when we moved here so it went in the bonus room.) 

Anyways I am sooo happy we are getting rid of it!! The chair and ottoman look amazing up there!!!  I even suggested if SD gets upset about it (when she gets here on Wed) to tell her that when we sell it she can have the money. DH said he wants to be the one to talk to her about about it. Ok whatever. Yet again he gets sooo worried about her precious feelings. He thinks if I say something she'll think it was my idea (umm guess what it was!) I also know for a fact she doesn't care if we get rid of it ( she said so months ago). 

I guess I'm wondering how many of you think he should give her the money or  keep it for himself. 
I'm fine either way since I'm just glad it's out of our house (it's in the garage for the time being) but part of me wonders why he even feels the need to offer her the money. (Yes I did suggest it but I didn't think he would take me seriously). 

If anything if he doesn't care about the money he should offer it to me. Yes I can afford this expense but I still make way less then DH. (oh and I just paid to have all our carpets steam cleaned) sometimes I just hate how he throws money at her...

**NOTE: comments from the same negative people that love to say snarky things will be immediately delayed w/out being read so please don't waste the time or tire out your fingers typing a response. **

** 2nd side NOTE: Sometimes I try to shorten my blogs and then out some of my thoughts. To clarity m point was I feel like my DH is not teaching SD the value of the dollar. Yes $25 or $50 is not a lot of money BUT it is 1 or 2 tanks of gas for me (1/2 for him since he drives a truck) a meal out, some groceries, whatever. To just hand it over to her seems ridiculous (especially the more I think about it). It hasn't been in her room for over 4 years!  My friends that are a bit older then me and have grown children that have their act together ( kind, giving, hardworking, etc.) were always taught the value of the dollar. If they wanted something they had to either pay for it or put some of their money towards it. And at 16 they had jobs **





ndc's picture

If he gave it to SD as a gift he should give her the money. If he just bought it as furniture for her room, same as any other household item, there's no need. Realistically, how much will he get for a dingy used zebra and pink chaise lounge?

missginger's picture

He bought it but it was not a gift nd he thinks $50. Ha I think $25 at most. It's not even the amount. It's kind of the principal. I was just curious if most people think the child deserves the money. 

Left out mama's picture

It is not my intent to be negative, so please hear me out.

He bought a pink zebra chase... it was clearly not for his personal use, it was clearly a gift for SD. You stated that it did not fit in her room and that is why it was in the bonus room. Since he is now essentially taking back a gift, she should at the very least get the money. 
You mentioned several times that you should get the money instead of her? I am curious as to why? Did you give her a loan that she defaulted on? Or do you just think having the money in your pocket would be beneficial? Again, I am not trying to be rude or distespectful, just wondering why you think the money should be yours and not hers. 

You also mentioned that DH is always so concerned with SD feelings, so he wants to be the one to tell her. You also said that he did not want her to know it was your idea.... I get the Disney dad thing makes us all gag... but maybe he was trying to protect you both. He does not want his daughter to think you are throwing her stuff out, and he he trying to shield you from any unwarranted resentment. ( if she is not using the chase... yeah I agree it should go, but she may end up seeing it as it should have been a decision she made since it belonged to her) 

fourbrats's picture

the kids the money from anything we sell that belonged to them. Or apply it towards something they are upgrading, need or want. For example, I sold the bunk beds and loft bed my girls had had for years and ordered them new beds. One kid wanted the cash, one wanted an upgrade on the mattresses we were ordering and one wanted new bedding. The money from the sale went to those things. 

I figure once I have given the item to them or bought the item for them then it belongs to them and they are entitled to the cash from any sales. 

missginger's picture

I see your point. Ironically I had just told him that he should consider putting the money towards things she needs for her room or bathroom. I would rather he do that then just give her 25 or $50 bucks for no reason.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If he bought it, then he can sell it for whatever he wants and give the money to whomever he wants. I'm not sure why you think he should give the money to you, even if he doesn't care about it? I'm assuming you steamed the carpets because you wanted to, not because he made you do it.

Unless his financial contributions to her are cutting into your household expenses and he can't uphold his financial obligations, you have to let it go.

Imhereagain's picture

It's a small amount. I'd give it to her. & what's wrong with being concerned with his child's feelings? 

missginger's picture

He over worries. If she wanted it so bad she would have picked the bigger bedroom when we moved here (we gave her the choice) where it would have fit. Plus she NEVER sits in it and told me she doesn't care if we got rid of it. It's giving her money for no reason I'm not thrilled with. Her friends all have jobs. She had no need to work since she's not made to pay for anything. 

Iamwoman's picture

I'm glad you mentioned SD was ok with getting rid of it. I would have commented on not getting rid of children's stuff without their permission,  but you've got that covered.

If DH wants SD to have the money, then she should be a part of the selling process. She at least needs to take the photo and list it for sale. I wouldn't recommend allowing her to meet the buyers though, as that can be sketchy.

WarMachine13's picture

He should ask her if she still wants the chair. Thats possible. Give SD any money he gets for selling it or keep it for himself. He paid for the kitchen. You're paying for the furniture. Sounds Even Steven to me. You asking for a little bit of money sounds kinda strange.

thinkthrice's picture

I ended up burning our old loveseat that was used( no way would I ever have purchased new furniture with Chef's ferals still coming to visitation) 

The Houseshitter had managed to defile it anyway.  I sold all the rest of the toys we bought him and dismantled (slowly) the various shrines.  Put it on Craigslist and watch those lowball offers fly!

Siemprematahari's picture

If you think she doesn't deserve the money if he gets anything from it, why did you even suggest it?? I also think he should ask her and confirm that she wants to get rid of it, you never know she may change her mind. I'm also trying to understand why you feel you may deserve the money....


missginger's picture

I never said I thought I deserved the money.  I guess I'm thinking that since WE spend money on our home the money made from selling furniture goes back to us. Just like the other furniture I'm selling. That money will go towards something else we need for.

Also I think spending the money for her room for things she needs is fine.  Or even better- tell her the money can go into a car fund for her. (Something some of my friends did white their kids straying at 15) 

I also think the suggestion from another poster about having her help sell it is a good idea. I guess I would just like to see him have her do something for money and not just be handed to it. 

Also when I suggested he give her the money for after selling it - it was kind of a quick thought In my head as we were discussing it. After thinking about it I realize that was a stupid idea. 

ESMOD's picture

A lot of parents treat their kid's furniture as basically "given" to the child.  Many kids will take some or all of it when they move to their first apartment after college.. Or may be allowed to sell it to get a few bucks towards different furniture.

That is IF the furniture is even worth anything.  A lot of furniture these days is so cheaply made that it really isn't worth much after a few years of use.

I have to admit that in your situation you kind of shot yourself in the foot.  If you are so resentful of SD that you can't stomach your DH giving her 25/50 dollars then I have no idea how that idea even popped into your head.. and if it did.. why on earth you put words to it..   Even in a joking way.. you know these disney dads will take that as a greenlight to give it to SD.  Shoot.. at this point, he is likely to try to sell it.. can't.. take it to the dump and STILL give her the money.

So.. you honestly cannot blame DH for doing what you suggested and you can't blame SD for accepting money.  This was a situation of your own making..but it may have turned out like this anyway.. even if you hadn't said anything.. so it's not something to beat yourself up over... but it really isn't anything to be overly resentful for either.  I would just take this as a lesson learned that your DH will be liable to take advantage of your offers like this.  So be careful what you say.

missginger's picture

ESMOD - To be clear I'm not resentful of SD - If she isnt learning things its on DH and BM. What kid wouldnt say "heck yeah" to getting money. I just hate how she isnt being made to do anything. And I do see her being VERY stingy with her money and I dont like how shes becoming (aka just like her BM) For example she's all into giving gifts to her friends for Xmas when daddy buys them but if she has to spend her own money shes like "Im not spending my money on them".(Imagine bratty snarky tone). She asks for expensive shoes, booots and clothes and then never wears them (at least this pisses off DH) and whenever we go to the mall she is always like "Oh I forgot to bring money". So DH says he will loan her some money and then never asks for it back and she never offers it. 

And yes I have to be careful with what I say. And your  comment was funny about getting rid of it and still giving her money. He did do that once. 

Bottom line - the chaise and the money is not even the point of my frustration. I think it was just a trigger to bring up other things. He and I had a talk last weekend about her having more responsibility and to me teaching her the value of a dollar goes along with that. 

skatermom's picture

I know this is hard, but you need to step back, stop getting so involved in SD and let your husband handle her.  It's up to him how much money he gives her, the reason for it and everything else.  You didn't want the chair in the Bonus room, it's in the garage, your part of it is over.  It's up to your husband to dispose of the chair however he sees fit and do what he wants with the proceeds.