You are here

Is my SO the only one who doesn't think it's fun if his spawn isn't there?

MissElphaba's picture

Why is it...the fun things I want for SO, DS1, and myself to do as our own family unit always seem to fall on visitation weekend? So, I either have to include MSH or I miss out on what I wanted to do. I'd wanted to take DS1 on a little day trip and SO wants to be included, but now there's a kid-central thing happening at a popular arboretum nearby and it would actually be a great visual thing for DS1 to experience, and with the weather getting warm…I can practically taste my own cabin fever! The minute my SO sees it it’s all about MSH and how great it’ll be for her AND DS1 to experience this together and blah blah barf. :sick: Although, truthfully, if it had happened on a non-visitation weekend…SO would’ve pouted that she “missed out” on all the fun, and that DS1 would’ve wanted his “big sister” to be there with him because he has soooo much more fun when she’s around. :? He's 1...he has more fun playing with his toes than anything else sometimes. Give me a freaking break.


MissElphaba's picture

That's my point! Any time we take her anywhere, it's repetition - "My mom took me here." "I've been here with my mom." "My gamma took me here with my mom ..." "I've already done this." :? She just doesn't want us to do anything while she's not here, it's not because she actually wants to make memories with us...more like make sure we can't have any without her.

thinkthrice's picture

VERY common! Wanting to save all the fun, FUN FUN for skid weekend.

Mainly because they are under the impression that they have to have a 3 ring 24/7 circus of entertainment to keep the skiddos coming back to visitation. :barf:

And yes, I remember the "one upmanship" "My gram took me here already" or "I already did that"

momandmore's picture

Sad I'm sorry this is going on. I wouldn't know what that's like BC I never ever ever EVER get to do anything without at least a couple of the SKs with me.
I'm not trying to complain but it really has put a strain on our relationship. I'm sure if we went to do something fun without any skids or any kids at all.. DH would think about them, I would too. We haven't had a kid free day in 3 years.

hereiam's picture

I don't see why there can't be a balance. Only doing fun things when his daughter is there is ridiculous. Especially if, according to her, she's done everything.

MissElphaba's picture

SO feels bad that MSH doesn't get to do daddy AND mommy things together because of their divorce (she's 10) - and that we should be making the most of her visits because of this, and DS1 gets to do all of his fun activities with both of us so why not include her...after all it's his "sister"... :O I am just so frustrated with him, because EVERYTHING that involves this child is a fight and last night I really hit a low and told him that if he's so worried about her lack of time with both parents because our son has that all the time, than he needs to go crawling back to his hag of an exw, because I'm done with it.

hereiam's picture

Nope, he does not get to compare SD's life with your DS's.

This is one of the consequences of divorce and moving on and having another family. Not SD's fault but it's the hand she has been dealt and both she and your SO need to deal with it.

Making the most of her visits does not equal "never doing anything fun without her". Tell him he can make the most of her visits all he wants but you still want to do fun, family things when she is not there. The world does not stop.

luchay's picture

Yep, make the most of her visits AND make the most of his time with just you and DS - what is so bloody hard about that.

luchay's picture

Yep, make the most of her visits AND make the most of his time with just you and DS - what is so bloody hard about that.

MommyNotMommy's picture

SD takes this nonsense to the extreme. I was talking about something that happened (not even to her) and I said "the night we had popcorn chicken" and she interrupted with "You had popcorn chicken without me??" I don't even wait for a response any more, I looked right at her and said "What, we can't eat when you're not here?" I really think they want our lives to be on hold whenever they're not around.

One of the tips in Stepmonster which I really took to heart is to have things going on when skids come that have nothing to do with them, like having friends over for dinner. Kinda breaks the idea of a child-centric universe down without having to fight your DH.

Teas83's picture

My husband used to be bad for this as well. We couldn't do anything without SD and it drove me nuts. His typical response when I suggested going away for the weekend was, "But we don't have SD that weekend."

But lately he's been making suggestions for trips to go on with only DD. We're talking about taking her to the Disney resort in Hawaii next winter, without SD. And my husband brought it up first, not me. I guess he's starting to realize that SD does a lot of things on BM's time and she doesn't need to be included in absolutely every trip we go on. I'm not sure what changed.....maybe the fact that I moved out.

Stepintime0111's picture

My husband is not like this at all thank goodness. He wants our bios to have fun, special things too. It was even his idea to take just them to Disney in a couple years since the skids went twice before bios were born.

luchay's picture

Ugh the one-up-manship.

My kids were invited to a dance troupe to perform at Disney, in Hollywood, at Universal studios etc. Obviously a big deal (we are in Melbourne Australia) We had 2 years of planning and preparing for the trip (36 kids, 90+ people altogether - last Sept; was amazing Smile )

BM decided to take the skids a year before our trip (so she knew we were going etc) They went, had a blast, and we allowed them to go on and on about all they did and saw etc. no drama - right?

All we heard in the few months before our trip (from skids and ex-OH's family) was "why can't the skids go? seems unfair to take a holiday like THAT without the skids!"

(my internal response was "fuck off")

When we got back and MY kids wanted to rave about their trip the skids were like "yes, we've BEEN there you know, and we did EVERYTHING and got EVERY souvenir there!"

God bless dd12, after hearing this over and over every time they tried to talk she said, "well, no, you didn't do EVERYTHING we did - we DANCED ON STAGE AT DISNEYLAND, AND PERFORMED IN THE PARADE WITH MICKEY? Didn't do THAT now did ya!"

And I peed myself laughing.