You are here

Drama Always Comes on Vacation (money rant)

Miss Know It All's picture

Last time I took FDH out of town to spend some time with my family, drama followed in the form of MIL making accusations against the daycare provider. This last weekend, drama followed in the form of BM taking money out of FDH's account to pay for a rental application.

I'm doing my best to show restraint here. It's NOT my business what FDH pays or doesn't pay his ex-spouse because he and I do not live together nor share finances (not my money, not my problem). I've told him I'm not comfortable with him giving her money because she already gets CS and alimony -- and because their marriage deteriorated because she didn't feel like her own woman, etc. etc. and how's she supposed to "find" herself if her ex keeps her dependent on him by paying for everything?! -- but beyond that, I've said nothing.

This whole thing with the rental application just makes me anxious. Because 1) she still has access to his finances, 2) she's only JUST NOW applying for apartments when she's supposed to be out JULY 1, and 3) with a rental application fee that steep, I have a feeling she's applying to live in a place she'll never get because she doesn't make enough money to pay rent. I got even more anxious when I overheard FDH confiding in my father that he'd told his ex to "take as long as she needs" to find a place. Um, hello?! She's NOT supposed to get alimony unless she's OUT of the house -- and you already set up the July payment assuming she'd be out and now you're telling her she can stay? Wanna bet she'll STILL BE THERE come August?! AREN'T YOU HAVING MONEY PROBLEMS ENOUGH ALREADY?!

The final thing that makes me anxious is my impending birthday. FDH says he got me something really nice. I'm scared -- because if it's TOO nice, I worry that he's incompetent when it comes to managing money. If it's not that nice, I'll feel cheated because he's spending money on stuff he's not supposed to buy for his ex (like this rental application). And in any case... the ex probably already knows what he bought for me -- because she still has access to his finances.

Comments

Miss Know It All's picture

I think he never took her name off the bank account and she hasn't gone back to the maiden name. He did tell her he would write her a check for the application -- but was surprised when she was able to withdraw the money on her own while we were out of town. She has a minimum wage job and from what I understand of her behavior, she just doesn't get money. Spends what she doesn't have, doesn't look for places to cut corners (like groceries, public transit, water bill, power bill, etc.), and yes, expects her ex to pay for everything.

He DOES need to stop this. I explained it very carefully to him when I first lobbied my objection. I know he's beginning to see the problem -- I know that he's well aware I will NOT move in with him or join finances with him if he's still giving her money that's not CS (alimony runs out in about a year). And I know that in our state, if we have children, CS is reduced.

As for her, yikes. She's digging a crazy-deep hole. Glad I'M not married to her...