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Score one for us SM's - a BM that actually CARES about how she speaks to a SM

Milomom's picture

I just wanted to be able to share something fairly POSITIVE involving my relations with BM with all of you here on StepTalk, in the hopes that it will prove to at least ONE of my step-buddies here that it's not ALL a lost cause ALL the time in this crazy world we call stepparenting.

I received a text message from BM today. Important note: We have NEVER texted each other EVER before and we rarely ever talk directly to each other, unless it is a cordial "hello" or something at a pick up/drop off - this is over 6+ years!!

BM wrote: "Thank you Milomom for picking up FSS13 from school today."

I must admit, I delayed in responding - thinking that if I texted her back, she would think this "opened the door" to a new, acceptable form of communication for her with me. OH NO - OH HELL NO. Things have been just fine without her being able to text me (which I feel is WAY TOO INFORMAL of a way for her to communicate with either me or my BF and my BF AGREES with me, thank goodness, and so we NEVER text her - we keep our communications with her as "business-like" as possible). Then I decided that I would "take the high road" (sound familiar, ladies??) and so I texted a response to her, something like:

Me: "No problem, you're welcome. I could not stay with FSS13 because I have a meeting with a client, so I brought him to your house until you get home from work. I feel bad, but BF said that it would be fine."

BM: "That's totally fine. Thank you so much."

OK, I felt that was good. She thanked me for picking FSS13 up from school (he was sick at the nurse's office, btw - and both BM and my BF were stuck at work, and I hadn't left for work yet. It was BM's day to have FSS13). BM RARELY thanks me for ANYTHING - despite the fact that for 6+ years, I've been nothing short of loving and kind to skids, like a "3rd parent", if you will.

Then it happened...she sent me 2 more text messages (all spelling/other errors being left in intentionally):

BM: "Thanks again. I'm leaving work in a few their letting me go home early."
BM: "They're letting me go home early should I say."

So I must admit, I "opened the floodgates" by responding to her text message by texting her back - lol.

However, what makes me laugh is that I know that she has HORRIBLE SPELLING/GRAMMAR, etc... The fact that she sent the very next text correcting her usage of the word "their" vs. "they're" said to me that she must have re-read her text AFTER she sent it and realized that she used the wrong word (their) when she meant to say they are (they're). OK, I admit that's one of my MAJOR PET PEEVES - people that have poor spelling & grammar. I'm thinking that she MUST ACTUALLY GIVE A SHYTE about what I think of her, for her to actually CORRECT her word usage in a text message to me!!!

I guess my BM IS actually more concerned about what I think of her than I thought - I thought she could really care less about my "approval" or what I thought of her (she's one of the typical narcissistic, self-absorbed, lazy, entitled, uneducated BM's that we all describe here). I'm also STILL in shock that she thanked me for picking up sick FSS13 from the school nurse's office.

A good week, all in all. Pretty sad, huh, that these "little things" are something to savor and appreciate?


Gmama's picture

good for you,, my SS mom, has NEVER made ANY attempt to EVER make any friendly / or appreciative contact with me, and I've been in my SS life for 8 years, in fact it seems the longer this "war" goes on the worse it's getting, but it's not up to me to make amends?

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Thanks so much for sharing this. I think I must be pretty lucky as far as stepmoms go. I have 3 BMs to deal with, but only one is so much as a mild irritant. I realize this could change at any time, but I'm enjoying the peace.

In the meantime, it's nice to hear that someone else has a decent BM at least sometimes. lol

MARLA_823's picture

I have an alright relationship with our BM. After all the crazy fighting and all I think we've found away to get along without getting in each others way. We are by no means friends, just "cordial". I'm glad you got some appreciation!

skylarksms's picture

I think the only way I would ever get a THANK YOU from our BM, is if it was my funeral and she wanted to thank me for dying.

BM doesn't know me and has never had a kind (or much less a non-screaming) word to say to me.

I think maybe your BM is trying to mend things with you a little...? Maybe that is my eternal optimism talking...