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Skid worship

Merry's picture

I hate skid worship. In my case, it has extended into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my bio completely and unconditionally. But the fact that she can make a mean peanut butter sandwich isn't really cause for balloons and glitter. I expect her to take care of herself, and the fact that she does is not a cause for celebration. I'm proud of her independence, for sure, and I tell her so.

But dang. All the praise for ordinary stuff drives me crazy. And then when something truly good happens, we have to go way over the top because we've used up normal. I don't mind the occasional gifts, or even the money he spends now and then. Makes DH happy and he rarely overspends since we had that one come to Jesus discussion. It's the constant, never ending worship that wears me down.

The disengaging mantra is strong in my head today. "Uh huh, DH. What do you want for dinner?"


Tiger7's picture

SO praises his daughters for the most menial things.  Can't do that with SD18 much these days.  He sees my adult kids who are doing well for themselves and I know he wants the same for his but they;re just on a different level emotionally, intellectually, etc.  I try to be a cheerleader with him but there are times its just not all.  Its hard sometimes cause I have no poker face.

CANYOUHELP's picture

It's crippling, completely. These pathetic parents have raised them to believe them are more important than anybody esle; and that usually results in socially dysfunctional self centered adults, who normally developed people stay away from at all cost.

Teas83's picture

I can relate. The worship is incredibly annoying. DH has the same standards for SD9 as we have for DD5. When SD was younger he would always point out the *amazing* things she was doing....."Can you believe she already knows how to do XYZ?", "Isn't she good at doing ABC?", "Did you see how funny it was when she blah blah blah?"

Exjuliemccoy's picture

than a Sloth Buddy. I don't celebrate mediocrity.

I was raised by older parents from a different culture and a different generation. They were NOT my friend, had their own lives, and had expectations for me. They didn't always get it right, but they encouraged me to be self reliant. Helicopter parenting would have had them (part of the Greatest Generation, had survived WWII and immigrated to the US to work their a$$es off for a better future) scratching their heads.

I married a man who came from a family where the parents married young, then divorced. The mother went on to marry twice more. The kids were loved unconditionally, but had no structure or firm boundaries. Nothing was required of them. There was no guidance or expectations, and the kids (especially the females) were adored and enabled no matter how much they screwed up. None of girls have pursued education, built a career, or even lived independently. And the skids? They were petted and adored by everyone in DH's family. Never a harsh word, everything they did was wonderful, nothing was required of them - and they are just as sub par as the previous generation.

STalk made me realize just how much impact divorce has had on our society over the past fifty years, because it often changes the way people parent. All too often, divorce produces guilt ridden parents and diluted parenting, producing kids whose natural selfishness and narcissistIc traits grow unchecked. These poorly parented budding narcissists grow up, reproduce, have their own failed relationships, and do their own version of diluted parenting. And let's not ignore the way fathers have been marginalized to the point where they can't play the heavy when kids misbehave.  Obviously there's a lot of other factors, but yes, we've clearly gone too far in the warm and fuzzy direction.


elkclan's picture

It is really hard, when his father and I first separated i was too easy on my son and struggling from years of an abusive marriage - I was barely able to keep my head above water never mind really tow the line with my son. There were days I wanted to die. Gradually it got better and finally I realised that I wouldn't 'lose' my son if I was a bit stricter. My new partner really helps with this, too and unlike BS's dad - actually backs me up when I correct my son and when I praise him! 

My bio son is prone to laziness and doesn't want to try if he can't succeed at first go. It's annoying.  It's not just bad parenting either it's also just the way he is - he walked really late because I think he didn't want to stumble - when he finally did walk - he just got up and did it.

I mentioned something about his character traits the other day when my son was away and my OSS chimed in that I was being mean to my son. I said - no way - it's good for parents to know their kids strengths and deficiits - both to help them build on the strengths and work on the deficits so they can be successful adults (on their own terms). I said it in a way that said "OSS - I've got your number, too. But it's not because I'm picking on you, it's because I want you to do well." 

I grew up in a household without much praise - and that wasn't so good either. :-)