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O/T Adults Paying Rent

Merry's picture

There have been several posts about adult skids paying rent (or not paying rent) when living with a parent. I'm all for treating adults as adults and making sure they contribute in some way -- rent, responsibilities, something.

But it reminded me of the time my adult brother moved from HisTown back to Hometown when he accepted a senior-level position at a good company (meaning he was being very well paid). He asked to move in with our Mom temporarily, while he found he own place and could get his family moved. She agreed.

My Mom didn't need the rent money. But my brother insisted on paying something and my Mom did worry about the rest of us "kids" being treated "fairly." So they agreed on $50/month. It was hilarious to all of us, except for my Mom who took it very seriously. We had so much fun with that.

But THIS is a lesson in how adults act.


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Agreed - that IS how adults act.

I'm one who moved back in with my parents for a time. I installed and paid for my own phone line, bought my own toiletries and groceries, and paid my parents $300 a month. They didn't want me to pay anything, but I insisted. I also let them know when I would be staying elsewhere overnight so they didn't leave a porch line on or worry about me. When I moved out, they gave me that rent money. I tried to get them to keep it, but there is no arguing with my Dad. Smile

Two of my siblings also moved back home for short periods of time. Same thing: they paid rent and our parents gave it back to them when they moved out.

tog redux's picture

I lived with my parents for a year after college - I don't think I paid rent. I'm sure I helped out around the house because my mother would not have allowed me NOT to. And they made it clear my time there was limited, I needed to make a plan to move out - and I did.  I'm not opposed to adult kids living at home if they are decent roommates, pull their weight and aren't lazy freeloaders. 

JRI's picture

My DS55, wife and dog had to stay with us 4 months last year after a hurricane damaged his house and later, his wife underwent a back op.  Recently, they stayed for 2 weeks due to her mother's illness.  We have had most of the kids move back for various periods over the years.

While DS didnt pay rent (we have never requested it from any of them), they bought massive amounts of groceries, laid in supplies for us, he set up and  taught DH how to use his cellphone (a loooong event), fixed everything, bought and installed outside lighting, ran outside the minute we returned from a shopping trip and carried in all groceries, shoveled snow, replumbed the bathroom sink, bought and programmed a cellphone for my mom in long-term, and many other tasks I've forgotten.  When they left, he gave me $ to have the carpets cleaned due to his dog's hair. In short, we were in better shape than when he arrived.

Merry's picture

My adult DD and DH's adult son moved in with us for a time. AT THE SAME TIME due to various difficulties. Both kids knew it was temporary. Both kids knew that part of their responsibility was to get their SH!T together. While we had our issues, both of them contributed, not rent but they each carried responsibilities and did whatever we asked of them. SS worked in the restuarant industry for a time and my kitchen has never been so clean.

My parents gave me luggage when I graduated from high school. That was a pretty clear statement. And you know what? I WAS EXCITED to be out and on my own. I don't understand kids who don't want to leave the nest.


ndc's picture

I think the right thing to do where adult kids and rent is concerned is dependent on circumstances.  My sister, who goes to a local college, still lives with my parents.  She helps around the house but does not pay rent.  My parents are wealthy.  They're trying to move money from their estate to their kids - taking rent money or money for anything else from their kids would defeat what they're doing and make no sense.

In a household where the parents are struggling, or where a stepparent is paying half of the expenses, it makes sense that an adult child would pay their share.  If a kid is not working or going to school and is a failure to launch, they need to be paying rent for different reasons - so they're not being enabled and to encourage them to launch.  To me this isn't a one size fits all, but I do think that most adult children should at least OFFER to pay rent.

tog redux's picture

Yes, my parents had plenty of money and didn't want mine. But they would have also had no trouble saying "out you go" if I had overstayed my welcome. 

Cover1W's picture

Instead of moving home for the summer after I started college I stayed with my uncle for the summer (parental issues/control necesssitated this no way was I going home again).  He told me my parents were requiring him to charge me rent.  I was PO'd because they stuck their nose in, I had already agreed to pay 1/2 utilities and all my own groceries.  But in the end I had to admit it was fair and he charged me a nominal amount (I think he didn't agree with them either - he knows them well! - and he made a LOT of money).  I agreed. 

I lived with him again another summer and stayed with him and his new wife after I graduated for a couple months - paying rent too.  Kept things tidy, kept out of the way, my own food etc. Never a question about this!

shamds's picture

And will volunteer to give money and not freeload.however alot of these skids we read about here have abusive manipulative narcs as parents and so they treat parents as an atm indefinitely and guilt them.

they have no pride in moving to independence and launching. Its all about them being pampered. Its a sad world that some live in!!