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What’s beyond disengagement

Merrigan's picture

I've been deleting my blogs out of an abundance of caution, although my SO isn't much for technology.  And to be honest, the progression of his (and my) relationship with the skids is like so many here, to the letter. Disney Dad buys everything, skids expect more and more but value less and less. Daddy tries putting his foot down and skids freak out and threaten to leave.  Dad runs himself ragged, beats himself up emotionally, and tries to rationalize their behaviour. "She's upset at the state of the world and doesn't know how to express it." "She means well but her anxiety overpowers her."  And the classic "It's how her mother raised her."

So these days I don't have much to say. It's all playing out before me like has been written here over and over again. I do very little with the skids when I'm here every so often. A bit of cooking because I enjoy it (and bizarrely enough, they love what I cook). A bit of outdoorsy stuff with the younger SD. I still live separately, still working and financially independent. I just stopped really caring, so when I visit, I just...don't care. 


hereiam's picture

Then, really, what is the point of this relationship?

He will never change, this will be the ongoing theme when they are adults, also. He will run himself ragged chasing them, what will be left for you? Crumbs, that's what.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Not judging at all but what are the upsides to being in a relationship with this man? 

You are basically living as a single woman and by what you have said I doubt that will change. It sounds like his kids will always be needy and he will always be focused on them.

tog redux's picture

Merrigan - if this type of relationship works for you, then that's great - I can see the benefits personally of having your own place and just dating indefinitely. I have a friend who's been with her BF for 7 years or so and they live this way - not because of his kids, more because she didn't want her son to have to deal with a blended family, and she herself doesn't really want to live with him now or maybe ever. He'd like more, but he's willing to accept the relationship on her terms. 

But if you want more than this, I agree with the others - he's not likely to ever change how he deals with his kids, even in their adulthood, so you might consider whether this is the right guy for you.