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Sports car = Life metaphor.

Merrigan's picture

BF and I test drove a sportscar today. For various reasons, I've never owned a car before, and never really had the impulse (or need tbh) to drive. I've decided it's beyond time to finally get my own car and start "adulting".

BF was almost joyous driving this car. On the way home he talked about the first car he bought that was only for himself, and customized for him. He said something that's currently throwing me for a loop. He said I'm in the enviable position of being able to do whatever I want.

See, I think I'm irresponsible in general. The best thing I did for myself was six years ago when I got the job that's allowed me to be financially independent. I never wanted children of my own, (and most likely can't have any), and the guilt I feel sometimes about that determines how I act and react to my BF's kids.

My sister says she understands how he feels, because she's felt the same way. I remember the first time I saw her gorgeous house, with fancy coffee makers and NEW washer/dryer and I was blown away. I spent 10 years after graduating working in a unique and fun industry, but I was poor AF.  

I want to get this car. It's unique, and it's affordable. But I feel guilty, and I'm torn. I don't NEED it, but I love it. And it's an irresponsible 2 seater, and it reminds me of me.

Lol just trying to convince myself to get it when everyone around me thinks it's too fancy, get a hatchback. 


tog redux's picture

It's not irresponsible to not want children; in fact, I'd argue the opposite - it's responsible to make the choice not have children if you don't really want them. Too many people have kids by accident, or out of obligation or "should", and are not happy to be parents. If you are financially responsible, pay all of your bills, and go to work every day, you are responsible.

DH's brother and his wife never had kids - they are able to retire in their mid-50s and have lots of money and time to travel, build a new house, etc. DH is kind of jealous, having to pay 1K a month for a kid who treats him like crap (though CS is done now, yay!)

Frankly, I think your SO is more irresponsible given his poor parenting.

Gimlet's picture

How are you irresponsible?  You work, you pay your bills, you are accountable for your actions and you've done some pretty courageous and selfless things. 

Tog is right, the choice to not have children is completely valid.  I wish more people would make it, to be honest, I think many people would have been happier childless. 

There is also not a single thing wrong with getting a car that you love.  You can afford it and you want it.  You don't have kids, Merrigan, and a 2 seater is all you need.  Get it. Have fun driving it.   Who gives a shit what other people think, seriously.

The more I learn about you, the more I think that you could benefit from some counseling and support.  You've had some trauma in your past and you really don't seem to ever cut yourself much of a break. You don't need to make anyone happy but yourself.  In fact, you are the only person whose happiness you can control. 

tog redux's picture

I wanted children, but it just didn't happen, and that was a loss for me - but frankly, now, I'm glad. Many of my friends/family are having more difficulty with their young adult (18-26) year old kids than they did when they were teens. Even from good homes they struggle to become adults, and many of them have mental health issues. This includes my SS21, though of course, we don't deal with him much - but it weighs DH down that his kid is so behind developmentally.

I also am glad I'm not leaving our political issues, climate change, etc to any kids to deal with.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why is it irresponsible to buy a two-seater car when the only person you're obligated to take anywhere is yourself?

Irresponsible would be buying yourself a boat without a vehicle to tow it or a lake to use it at. Cars are fundamentally functional, and a 2-seater is all you need as a childless woman. If you can afford the payments without going broke, get the car. 

hereiam's picture

Why do you feel guilty for not wanting kids? You shouldn't.

Many people have children for the wrong reasons. They are the ones who should feel guilty.

You have no kids, so why is a 2 seater irresponsible?

everyone around me thinks it's too fancy, get a hatchback

Perhaps, everyone around you is jealous.

You love the car, you want the car, you can afford the car. Get the car.

CajunMom's picture

You made a decision to not have kids. Perfectly fine choice. It's society that says we must have kids. I disagree. You do with your life what you want. And I agree with the others...look into some counseling. You do NOT need to beat up on yourself about your life choices.

As for the car....I had a Mazda Miata at 48 years old. Had one kid still at home and DH had two that would come on scheduled weekends. That was MY car. I had no plans to tote anyone around except who I invited to be in that second seat. DH hated my car so it was always me and my son, or me and a GF. Dang. I miss that car. 

KC is not the stepmother's picture

Me, too. I loved my Miata. But now I have an SS Camaro that I love even more. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I think in today's world, with overpopulation, political unrest, poor economy, etc., it's actually more selfless to not have children. Get the 2-seater. Guaranteed you won't be driving both your DH and SD around. And don't let her be your plus one, ever! 

futurobrillante99's picture

Get the car. I have a 2011 MINI Cooper S convertible. No regrets!! I earned and it gives me so much joy.