You are here

Skids being annoying on purpose

Merrigan's picture

I swear, there has to be a forum online for skids on how to annoy their stepmoms. Or maybe they get sent a manual in the mail.

SD16 is turning into the epitome of all the teenage SD's I've read about on this site. Unwrapped feminine products on display in the trash, eating with her hands, laying her head in my lap and hanging on me after I told her I'm not into physical affection.  Not showering for several days and not washing her hands after using the bathroom. Since I won the battle of sitting next to her dad at dinner, she now sits across from me and STARES at me while slurping her food. Even scooping it into her mouth from the plate with her hands.  She's doing it on purpose.  SD13 will look at her in horror and BF will joke about it so SD16 won't get offended.

I also won the War of the iPad, since she's gotten a new one. She's still expecting me to hand over new things I've bought for myself, always in a sweet tone in front of her dad. "Oh Merrigan, you're getting x? Can I I use it?"  "Merrigan, you're gonna buy a car?  Make sure it's reliable and has lots of room for us."

Bitch, no. I'm getting a 2 seater coupe and my dog's gonna be the only one sitting next to me. He's cleaner than you anyway.  And I'm not giving you one of my $2000 racing bikes!  Or my new rollerskates!  Daddy's taught her that she can have whatever she wants, so I expect a brand new set of wheels will be bought for her soon, to be used once and never again.

I basically ignore her now other than polite conversation here and there.  Don't know if that was the catalyst for this most recent behaviour. 


Stepdrama2020's picture

I am sure BM wrote the manual.

Your SD sounds primitive. If she cannot use utensils at 16 she sure as hell cannot drive a car.

WTF your DH tries not to offend HER when she acts like a neanderthal. Yeah OK DH lets not offend the offensive.

He must be so proud of  SD


Merrigan's picture

He's purposely in denial. I've found him hiding in the back of his closet "tidying" when she really gets uppity. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I think the biggest influence you have is going back to your house when his daughter acts up. Why should he be rewarded with your presence while his kids are being jerks?

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The War of the ipad - that was basically just you wanting to use your own ipad, yes? I think she owes you a year of using hers now! And sitting next to your boyfriend at dinner is not something that should even be a question. I wonder what this 16-year-old's psyc diagnosis is, because she's clearly got one! Don't put up with any more of her crap! 

Merrigan's picture

She's on medication for depression and anxiety. I don't buy that as an excuse because lots of us are on the same medication and can get through life without acting like a barbarian. She wants the attention though, good or bad, and will shriek if she's told off.

Yep, she was obsessed with my iPad for about a year. It was a huge issue. Now it's my bikes, my rollerskates, and probably my car once I buy it. She'll all of a sudden decide she wants to drive it, guaranteed. She won't be allowed, though. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

She sounds like what i call an energy vampire. Drains the life and happiness out of her target. Exhausting and painful to be around. Totally obnoxious and could give a crap about anyone but herself. What that translates to in actual diagnosing, idk. But i've been around enough people to know it's real.

Do not let her invade your physical space. People like that want to touch you because they like knowing it intimidates you. Do not let her use anything of yours. Gray rock her and  keep her at arms length, only dealing with her when you absolutely have to. People like her will wear you down to a shell of a person.

Your SO, well, it really is his fault, you know. I won't judge you for not leaving because i am in a similar situation. But i've made a vow to myself that i will not be a victim any longer. I will do NOTHING unless i choose to. No more being guilted into doing things or putting up with things i don't want. If anyone in my life has a problem with it, they can go. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Watch this:

That's interesting, tell me more.

That's interesting, why would you say that?

That's interesting, why would you do that?

That's interesting, why would you ask that?

When your SD says I guess this hug would make you feel uncomfortable, why not say "That's interesting, why would you do that?"

Put the question back on her: "If you know a hug would make me feel uncomfortable, why would you try to hug me?"

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why are you dealing with SD at all? You don't live with your SO or those girls. If you're going to stay in a relationship with your SO, start making it on your terms. SD16 doesn't need to be part of it.

Also, I would flat-out tell her she is being disgusting. I've done it with the boys. Never in public or in front of other people, but me being the "non-parent" pointing it out made it very real to them that it was a problem.

advice.only2's picture

Why do you entertain her? I mean just so she won't go off? It sounds like you don't live there so who cares. She will be rude to her father? Sounds like she already is? at 16 these special snowflakes get to start learning that the big bad world doesn't cater to them.

Merrigan's picture

I've been trying not to, by taking long baths and naps, and sticking my nose into my phone and not responding. But that leads to her literally laying on me to see what I'm looking at, or knocking on the bathroom door, or just barging into the bedroom if I've forgotten to lock the door.  The more I disengage with her, the more she tries to force me to pay attention to her.  If I don't respond to inane questions or look at me statements, she starts saying weird things like "Merrigan is uncomfortable" and "Merrigan looks awkward" until I say "no, everything's fine" to shut her up.  

Yelling is a huge trigger for me due to a past abusive relationship. I don't yell, and I shut down when anyone starts yelling.  So that's a big part of the reason that I don't call her out often on her rudeness. My own fault. 

advice.only2's picture

So basically you are allowing her to bully you. Don't let her, I understand being triggered, but to what extent do you allow a 16 year old to continue to bully you?

lieutenant_dad's picture

"Merrigan is uncomfortable."

"Yes, SD, I am, because I am clearly doing something else and you are bothering me." Or something similar.

You placate her by saying "no, I'm fine." It tells her that even if she isn't bothering you, you are paying attention to her.

futurobrillante99's picture

"Merrigan is uncomfortable."

You say, "That's interesting. Why do you say that?"

She says, "Because you told me you are uncomfortable with physical touch. And because you look like you're upset."

You say, "That's interesting. What are you supposed to do when others look uncomfortable?"

She says, "I talk to them to cheer them up."

You say, "Let me know how that works for you. Oh, now YOU look uncomfortable. Why is that?"

Just keep asking her questions until SHE is frustrated.

Haelsunderfire's picture

Toxic. What a horrible feeling being around someone who makes you feel that way. I would avoid her as much as possible myself. 

Merrigan's picture

Thanks for letting me vent here. This was brought on by my BF yet again talking about me moving in with him. We'd been looking at houses online for fun, and when he saw one with a basement apartment, he said "and that would be the SD16 Suite!" He doesn't have full custody, and it's looking like he wants her to live with him as an adult, and me too.

It's sad because that would be the death knell for our relationship.  To reiterate, I will not ever live with him and his daughter together. So it's like I can see the end coming, and it's so depressing.  


Stepdrama2020's picture

You really notice the dysfunction AFTER you are out of it. The abnormal becomes normal while living it. I left my DH and his mini wife SD and at first I was depressed. In time i felt free and happy. No more dreading holidays because it always was a punch in the gut.

You are smart to live apart. Although, Its better to be alone, than alone in a dysfunctional relationship. My resentment built watching him  sweep up the crumbs of SD.

You will have many years ahead waiting for the time for SD to leave and be on her own , but in the sick  toxic families it never happens. Do not spend life waiting for something that just wont happen. SD will always be vile and your BF will always defend it.

Stepfor27yrs's picture

It never ends. I’ve been married to my husband for 27yrs now and we just went to his daughter wedding   She is now 35. My DH didn’t want to have to walk down the aisle with his ex and daughter so he got to do it alone. I knew there would have to be a consession made to appease the ex so here if us: they had the announcements which had my husband have to walk in with his ex and she grabbed his arm and tons of pics were taken. The step dad and I were left outside and didn’t even get announced. I should have 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Merrigan, and you have ALL the power here. You just choose not to use it. You should be getting up from the table rather than tolerating the disgusting way your bf's daughter eats. You should be getting in your car and leaving every time your bf lets his kids pester you. You should be asserting you right to privacy and personal space by telling your bf's daughter to get off, get out, etc. You should be telling your bf you're going home because his daughter's body odor makes you ill.

She stalks you because you don't fight back. Do you understand the significance of that? A manipulative teen senses you're not going to stand up to her. Your bf keeps pressuring you to move in - because you've not stood up for yourself by clearly telling him that his poor parenting is preventing that from ever happening.

You are with this man and in this completely f'd up dynamic because you're sweet and unassertive. Just as lions hunt antelope, weak, egotistical men seek passive/conflict avoidant women.

I think you could get a lot out of therapy. And if your past abuse is leading you to accept unhealthy men and dysfunction, it's time to do some work on yourself. You know your bf is a fool, you know he's never going to step up, and you know his kid is going to be a problem FOREVER - yet you stay. Find a therapist who can help you figure out why and start healing from past abuse, and you won't think twice about cutting this loser loose.

Wilhelm's picture

Unusual for a 16 year old girl not to want to wash. I usually find I am more worried about how much water they are using with constant washing. We are a bit short of water down here in Australia.

CajunMom's picture

Her dad jokes about her eating with her hands, slurping soup and being a disgusting nasty human being by not bathing???? OMG. That would be a red flag for me. I'm a bit OCD but still....damn, girl. 

Personally, I don't think I couldn't say anything. "My SD, I bet the guys at your school are just so attracted to you eating with your hands." Ugh.

I fully agree with your stance of not moving in with this guy. No way in hell would I allow any of the SKs here to live in my basment or anywhere on my property. 

StepUltimate's picture

Bitch, no. I'm getting a 2 seater coupe and my dog's gonna be the only one sitting next to me. He's cleaner than you anyway. 

OMG LOL Thank you for rocking SO HARD and writing that. 

Saluting you as I curtsey in respect!! Biggrin