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Never gonna be the babysitter lol

Merrigan's picture

SD15 wanted to stay overnight with me while my bf went to work. He said “no way, Merrigan is not your babysitter.”  SD: “But dad, I don’t need a babysitter, all Merrigan needs to do is take care of me when I have a panic attack.”

Me, internally having a panic attack. BF: “no way, not happening”. 

He’s got my back at least.  We had a discussion about it later, and I told him there’s no way I would be able to handle her during a tantrum. And I won’t ever be alone with her for more than an hour or two. 

He’s really hinting hard about living together soon. I’ve decided it’s either when she turns 18 and goes to college, or when we buy a place together at least a half hours drive away from the BM’s place. Most likely it’s gonna have to be both.  And the new place better have a Merrigan-only retreat room. 

Why is it I can say to him “kids need boundaries, they test them because it’s in their nature, but they need them”, and “she needs responsibilities to learn how to be independent”, and he agrees, but nothing is done? I don’t even have kids and I know this shit! 


Merrigan's picture

Nope I’m not.  I think I’ve had my head in the sand about it.  Stupid love hormones clouding my judgement. 

I once said my dating deal breakers would be smoking, religion, and children.  Ugh. At least he doesn’t smoke. 

ESMOD's picture

I applaud your BF for setting the boundary with his daughter.  If you are uncomfortable with the prospects of her having a panic attack.. you should not be obligated to be her caregiver.

Merrigan's picture

It’s more the tantrums that get me. I have anxiety too, so I understand panic attacks. But screaming and throwing things?  NOPE. 

Aniki's picture

So good to hear that your BF had your back on that babysitting biz. Phew!

I agree with ESMOD about those panic attacks. Especially if you are uncomfortable or incapable of assisting her during a panic attack.

Example: I have severe panic attacks. My sister had never seen me have one and totally FREAKED OUT. She was crying and yelling at me, "DON'T DIE ON ME!!!" This made my panic attack WORSE. DH knows when I have a panic attack to be calm and that he can be quietly reassuring (I'm here, baby or It will be okay, baby) and gently stroke my back. 

Aniki's picture

Thank you. At least I have learned what to do when having one or when I feel one building.

tog redux's picture

Is she therapy? Panic attacks are very treatable. She needs to learn how to manage them herself. That would be one thing I'd want to see before I moved in.

Phoebe333's picture

I wish I had waited to marry my dh until his three d were over 18. They were 18, 16, and 12. The older two lived with him fulltime. Yes, my hormones were thru the roof. Why didn't. I listen to reason or take it more slowly? Looooovvvvveee. 

Plz slow it down!*yes3*

Harry's picture

she will be sitting home after HS and be doing nothing.  If BM throws her out, that will become your major problem.  Not only does SD has no plans in life.  But her parents have no exit plan either. She may be living with her father after HS