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Hide my vacations from the SD

Merrigan's picture

Yup. Was told by my bf that we can’t ever tell his kid when or where we’re going on vacation, or going out at all, even just on a date.  Why?  Because she’ll use that as leverage to demand something new for herself. Daddy got to go to a hotel with his girlfriend, so I get to go to my favourite restaurant and then have a shopping spree!  So this event I’m excited to take him to?  I can never speak of it. 

Why can’t he just tell her NO?


Merrigan's picture

I’m sure my response is gonna sound like a lot of other SM’s here, so I apologize in advance. 

On our own, we’re fantastic together. We have an incredible connection and share so many common interests. He would’ve even been childfree like me if his ex hadn’t insisted on having kids. I was in a bad accident a year ago and he was there right away and for weeks afterwards, making sure I was taken care of. We never fight, and I genuinely love his extended family. I’d love to hang out alone with his parents and siblings, because they’re so awesome. 

It’s just when it comes to his daughter, he has to acquiesce to everything she wants. Because it’s the easiest thing to do. Because at 15, she throws tantrums.  Because she also has a medical condition that limits her. Because his ex wife treated him like her bitch for 20 years.  

I also feel like I should just bear it because I pursued him originally.  He wasn’t even thinking of dating at the time. So I feel like it’s my fault.  On the flip side, I’m much younger, very athletic, and I have a great job.  I assume I’m a bit of a catch?

SteppedOut's picture

Yes, you are a catch compared to his weak parenting, bagage toting @ss..

Not ever telling her (or anyone in earshot of her), anything you ever do is ludicrous. How long is that going to be in effect? 18? 21? 41? Forever?

Merrigan's picture

I’m hoping she gets interested in boys soon ?  And then maybe she won’t care what we do.

It’s so hard because she really likes me.  I should have it made. My in-laws love me, my SD wants to hang out with me, but his parenting is just so lax.  And I don’t even have kids, and I can see it! 

still learning's picture

...if his ex hadn’t insisted on having kids. 

Those immaculate conceptions are sooo annoying right?!  Yes SD is ALL BM's fault! Your bf had nothing to do with it, well maybe he decided it was a good idea for three minutes but that was it!  

GrabitAndGo's picture

Wait, wait, wait!  It's supposed to take 3 minutes????  I'm confused ... and curious.

MurphysLaw's picture

“I also feel like I should just bear it because I pursued him originally.”

This was your first mistake.

He’s just not that into you, and he never will be. He’ll keep you around until you become an inconvenience & no longer useful (When you STOP paying for sh!t)

Learn to Love yourself more. 

NoThanks's picture

Hun, you are a catch. No doubt. I think you know in your heart you are and that this situation isn’t for you. Bare minimum, you know there is something way off off with your guy because you googled something that lead to this site. 

It doesnt matter who pursued who first. In the process of getting to know this man, you can see he sucks as a father. He may be perfect in every other way but being a crappy parent has a ripple effect that will echo through EVERY aspect of your life. Finances, leisure, home life, engagement/marriage. He will put HER first every time. He is already showing you this. Are you prepared to live with a Veruca Salt for the rest of your life? Just waiting for those small windows of being his #1 between all of the swaying to her every whim??? 

You have a clean slate and that is huge. You have zero reason to settle. Its possible to find love again. 

Ispofacto's picture

Last time I visited my adult son and his girlfriend at their house, the GF's kitty came and sat by me.  So I reached out and petted the kitty, and she growled at me but kept sitting where she was.

GF said, "Please don't piss off Bambi, she'll poop in my laundry basket", and my mind immediately went to SD.

These passive aggressive little shidts are so far gone that any attempt to discipline them at this point will cause [more] theft, vandalism, and covert terrorism.  Your BF is probably rightly afraid of his little cherub.

There is some chance he can get her to launch and remove her toxicity from your lives, but I wouldn't count on it.


Chmmy's picture

At least he doesnt insist she come with!!! So many daddeeees wont go anywhere without Skids which means Skid ruins every vacation and event for the rest of the family.

SS12 (maybe 9 or 10 at the time) slapped DH...yes slapped DH for going to a Blackhawks game with me instead of him. He had 2 tix. He couldnt bring one son and not the other so he brought me Smile

He waited up til almost midnight and while DH & i were saying our goodbyes in the car the kid walked out, opened the car door, slapped him, shouted i hate you and went back in. I dont know why I didnt run a long time ago. DH thought this was acceptable. This may be the kind of shit you SO is trying to avoid. Im sure DH did something special for that little fuck that slapped him to make it up to him.

Chmmy's picture

That doesnt happen anymore. I put a stop to it. Ss is afraid of me cuz Ill take the wifi cord and leave the house. He knows I mean business. DH is a fukin joke amd i tild him that. He dont care if he's a joke as long as his pwecious babies are smiling.

SteppedOut's picture

I mean... your SO deals with the same.... just takes a hit to the wallet instead of his face. Same thing though.

Merry's picture

What is so hard about saying no? So the kid will get mad, yell, complain, whine. So what. Send her to her room until she can be civil. 

Will DH be there to protect her when her boss tells her no about something? Or will she throw a fit at work because somebody else gets to go on a business trip to Hawaii and she doesn’t? 

He needs to recognize that his sh!t parenting is setting her up for failure. 

hereiam's picture

On our own, we’re fantastic together.

Sure, but he does have a kid and that is not EVER going to change, and his behavior regarding her may never change, either.

If you think it's going to get better the older that she gets, read up in the adult forum about men who buy their adult daughters the same jewelry as they do their significant others on Valentine's Day. Or how adult daughters, married or with boyfriends, still run to Daddy for everything, expect to go on paid for vacations with him, and expect to still be number one in his life. It's sickening and it happens.

Jcksjj's picture

I will gladly hide any and all vacations from SD if it means shes not coming.

Still, he needs to grow a pair and tell her its fine for adults to go do things by themselves and that you two have a relationship outside of her also.

whyme33's picture

With the other ladies on this post. My DH doesn’t tell SD10 no either. I thought things would get better as she got older and 7 almost 8 years later proves this is not the case. In some cases, it’s worse. I don’t take SD on vacation either, her own mother doesn’t take her, so why should I? 

Cover1W's picture

No! DH tried this with me too and I laughed. Said they don't get everything they want and I refused to help with the subterfuge. Ridiculous.

He then tried couching it in a way to make SDs NOT want to go (mostly because OSD would freak out) and just recently did this again with YSD. 

I never complained when my parents had a trip, ever! Didn't cross my mind.

Disneyfan's picture

Today you are asked to hide stuff from his daughter.  In about 10-15 years, you will be expected to hide gifts, vacations..from his daughter AND his grandchildren.

Try loving yourself just a bit more than you love him.  Once you have a healthy level of self love, you won't accept foolishness from a person who claims to love you.

theoldredhen's picture

You bet, Hon!

The truth has lost meaning; sad times.