Five year plan
Had dinner and drinks with a good friend tonight. She’s a mutual friend with my BF. She knows all about his teen daughter and what’s been going on, and she’s got grown children of her own, so her advice is golden.
She suggests I make a five year plan with my bf. Within five years, I want us to buy a one bedroom condo together, with a pull out couch for his daughter when she visits, who will be an adult at that time. We live separately until he agrees to this. It will be within 10 miles of where we both work. It’s in the neighbourhood I live in and love.
He bought his ex wife a house in the divorce. And a gorgeous house while they were married. And she never worked. I want an inexpensive small condo that we both pay for. I have a great, secure job and pension, and I want to take care of him as he ages (he’s 50, and I’m 37). I don’t want to live with his teenage daughter who is selfish and entitled. I want peace and a home with no screaming.
He’s told our mutual friend that he’s so happy that I just love playing with his daughter. His developmentally delayed 15 yo daughter. He wants me to watch her next week while he plays golf even though we’ve just had the discussion about how I’ll never be comfortable doing that. He takes off on errands whenever he can when I’m with his daughter because she drives him nuts and he needs a break.
This is fine four days a month. But not now that he wants me to dump all my furniture and move in with him, an hour away from where I work. I can get a bus to work now, or a taxi. I don’t need the expense of a car. By moving in with him, I sacrifice everything and gain nothing, while he gains added income and his lovely girlfriend who just loves taking his kid to the mall and never complains.
I love him, but I don’t love his kid. I’ve been gracious and understanding of her issues, and I’m trying to be a positive role model for her (be independent and work hard), but as my friend says, I’m a shiny new toy that she doesn’t respect. Just like all her other toys. So what happens when the shine wears off?