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10pm on a Tuesday

Merrigan's picture

I’m starting to understand what I’d be giving up by moving in with my bf and his daughter. It’s 10pm and I’m just getting ready for bed after a regular evening for me. I exercised, walked my dog, did some shopping at the local market, and relaxed on my balcony while watching the sailboats.  I don’t own my place, but I could buy a similar small beachside condo north of here and still commute to work. 

I’m bragging with this post, but it’s because i wish I owned this condo.  I owned one previously with my ex but lost out in the divorce because he threatened to go for my pension and alimony if I went for my equal share in the condo.  We had no children, but I made significantly more than him, which was the only reason we were able to get the condo.  

My BF now wants me to move in with him.  He makes more than me, but we’re both financially stable.  But I’d have to live 50% of the time with his kid, who demands my attention.  We could buy a great place together, but it would also be her place.

I was excited when he started looking at houses with me, because we’d own a home together, and I’d be a homeowner again (I can afford a home on my own, but not the down payment as a second time homeowner).  

Our future home will always include SD.  But my bf is significantly older than me, and we might never marry.  What would that mean in 25 years if he passes before me?

 

 

Comments

Phoebe333's picture

I urge you not to move in with bf and buy a house with him. Since u can afford your own place....go for it. If your relationship is worth it, you can still spend tons of time with him and still have your own private place. Plz think about it very seriously.*stop*

notarelative's picture

Before you buy a house consult a lawyer. You (and he) need to be aware of the laws in the state you reside and how they affect you.

A friend and her SO bought a house together. They consulted a lawyer. In the end, due to the laws in our state, and considering they each had adult children, they developed created a trust to own the house, and signed a partnership agreement to deal with inheritance issues.

One of them recently died and the trust dissolved according to the way the partnership agreement stated.

Go to a lawyer. Learn your options. 

 

STaround's picture

If you have to rent with a roommate for a while, do that.  Plenty of people lose money in a divorce, and are set back, but come back.

Talk to broker re condos that may offer rent to buy (you get credit for some of the rent you pay, to cover down payment).

Consider borrowing from your 401K if you have one.   Some financial advisors warn against this, but if your budget allows you to repay the loan and continue contributions as before, I think it can work.

Curious Georgetta's picture

Living with him,have him move in with you.If things go south he and his daughter would be the one's moving out.

It sounds as though you want to once again own a home and he wants a live in partner. Those are not exactly the same goals.

Your life seems to be working as it is.If it is not broken, there may be little upside to fixing it.

A better option may be saving for a  down payment on Your own place and continuing to face your guy.

 

 

futurobrillante99's picture

I don't know how long you've been with your SO or how far away he lives, but I urge you to NOT move in together, either in his place or your place or an ours place. It is your leverage and your peaceful retreat to have your own refuge.

Granted, I've only been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, but we live less than 10 minutes from each other and own our own houses. Neither house is suitable for us to cohabit at this time, and I'm in no rush.

I used to think two people meet, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have some kids and grow old together. I've tried it twice (only had kids the first time), and it blew up in my face both times.

Now, I'm going to try just leaving things as they are. We met. We fell in love. And nothing more is needed for quite some time. You don't need to change a thing, OP. Just enjoy the beauty of what you have right now. By going for more of one thing, you're going to lose something else. You might save money, but living together might cost you your peace and sanity.

There are no rules. There doesn't have to be a "next step." If what you have is working for you, then why meddle with it?

ESMOD's picture

It sounds like you have a lovely life... earn a decent living.. live on the water in a nice place.  You have time to take care of yourself.. work out.. relax etc...

Unless your goal is to be married to have children, there should not need to be a huge rush to combine homes.  Your BF obviously has a low card in his hand of life with his teenage daughter.  She sounds like she needs a lot of resources.  Right now, you have the luxury of being with him during his "good days" and stepping back and out when he has other priorities and drama in his life. 

Yes,  If he is older.. estate planning is something you would end up needing to address before you got married.. especially if you combine any assets.  But, right now.. you don't need to do that.

You would be eligable according to the IRS as a first time homebuyer if you havene't owned a home in 2 years.. that, in the scheme of things, is not a very long time.  You should fairly quickly regain that status.. IF you decide to pursue home ownership on your own.  But, if you like your place that you are renting.. and it's equally affordable.. there is some benefit to having someone else responsible for the big maintenence items..lol.

 

Harry's picture

And move in with your BF but hate his DD?  She controls, what you do, where you eat, when SD is over you become third in life.  Has fits that no one is addressing.  You really thing SD is going to think of you as a SM or is she going to crank up the drama when you move in.   

She will see you as someone that taking her money and gifts.  The first time you tell her no, or take away her phone.  She will put you into your place.  

Not a good ideas until they get some control over SD.

BethAnne's picture

You need to ask a lawayer about inheritance rights and discuss with your partner how he would want the property divided should he die first, also discuss what would happen if you die first. Buying a house with a partner who has a child with another woman necessitates these kinds of conversations and making sure everything is legally set up the way that you two want it. 

As for if you want to move in with the kid and give up your single lifestyle, that is totally your choice. If you are still unsure try living with him for a month or so while keeping your current appartment and see how it goes. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Enjoy your life and live apart until his daughter is fully launched. Then when you join households, you’ll be doing so on a level playing field. 

bananaseedo's picture

"Mine turns 15 this weekend so I only have 3 years until CS and visitation ends. With her being here 1/3 of the month that means I have exactly 365 days left of her coming over on a regular basis. (Yes I will continue to see her when she turns 18 but it won't be on this rigid, never changing, where our plans have to revolve around his visitation schedule"

LOLOLOLOL- the way your dh is with this kid-and as behind/socially inept as she is- after she turns 18 and CS is done she'll move in with you two FULLTIME.  I'll put money on that sh**