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My marriage is done

MeMyself's picture

Submitted by MeMyself on Fri, 08/31/2018 - 9:53pm

My motheinlaw has my husbands ex wife living with her my husbands 2 kids with her and her other 2 children. Her boyfriend  left her and she has gotten evicted from her apartment. My MIL is a psycho but not in a million years I would be life she would stoop this low. I’m stressed and I don’t know what to do. I went through so much with her and my husband. My husband and I will be married 6 yrs in September and I feel I can’t stay another day in this marriage. My husband does not set boundaries. He told me he felt like buying a property and put his babymother and the kids in there. My heart broke and I couldn’t believe he said that. I’m ready to leave. I’ve been very sick all weekend. But I’ve been praying, reading and working a lot to take my mind off this mess. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

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MeMyself's picture

Submitted by MeMyself on Sat, 09/01/2018 - 4:58am

Thanks very much. I do talk with him about it all and the consequences for our marriage but it never work. I can’t change someone. I know it must be within him to want the change. Right now we rarely talk. He’s always busy and he avoids me any chance he gets. I told him he needs to move from our house but he said he’s not. We have a 5 year old daughter and I feel as though I only stayed b/c of her. I didn’t grow up with neither my mom/dad, so I wanted better for my daughter. Thanks again. I appreciate your time and advice. At this point I only see  myself leaving. I put so much work into the marriage by myself and I guess I finally realized it takes two. For yrs I was using the philosophy that if I read/educate and follow God’s commandments for marriage my husband will mirror my actions. Clearly it did not work

Mswhite956's picture

Submitted by Mswhite956 on Sat, 09/01/2018 - 9:59am

I’m planning my great escape from my marriage. I don’t want to cause my husband any financial heartship but, I financed the house. I’m leaving so he and his team, 2 adult kids and 6 year old, must find accommodations. The house is going up for sale. 

My question is how do I get out of this situation unscaved? Or maybe just with minor bruises. 

He owns a home that’s being rented by a family member. How much time should I allow for the family to move out of his home and him to move out of mine?

My plan is to stay in my home ,alone, until it’s sold. I listed the house online, no one knows, to gage the interest level. It’s going to sale fast!!!!!

 

 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 09/01/2018 - 11:10am

Before deciding how long to give him, check the laws to see what you can and cannot do. LAws can vary wildly according to the state/country. Can you actually sell it (even though it belongs to you) if it's the "family home"? Did you buy it after you got married? If so your STBX might have a claim on it. Can you have him evicted? IF not, how much notice do you have to give him, legally? I would really, really consult with a lawyer about this before showing your hand...

Oh, and finally, give him only as much notice as you are legally required to, not a minute more.

OK, I've just seen you financed it before the wedding but still check your rights out. I know someone (Illinois) who had to give part of the sale of her house (an inheritance) to her dh when they divorced because the law considered that by allowing him to live there she was giving him a share in it... 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sat, 09/01/2018 - 11:20am

Before you try to execute your house sale plan, please consult with a lawyer.  Even if you bought and financed the house yourself prior to marriage, if you're married at the time of the sale, the title company is going to want your husband to sign a quitclaim deed.  If he refuses, you have  problem.  

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Sat, 09/01/2018 - 11:59am

How is the fact that your MIL is allowing the XW and her grandkids live with her impacting your marriage?

Of course your DH wants to buy land for his ex. It's not for her; it's so that his kids have a place to live, so that his kids get to see their mom, so he doesnt have to become a full-time dad to all his kids, and to not have to face a financially uncertain future where she asks for more CS or he feels like he has to get an apartment for them.

His motivation for doing it is good-hearted. Foolish - extremely foolish. Stupid, even. But he may truly see it as the ONLY good solution to a problem that he has to fix for the sake of his kids. 

Now, I say all of that to also say that he shouldn't follow through with this plan. If you want to stay married and give it on last go, then offer him alternative options for the kids. The first being that they live with you all full-time while she gets back on her feet financially. That is really the only solution your DH has outside his kids living in a shelter, or his CS rising to stupidly high levels, or CPS placing the kids with him because BM can't care for them.

He DOES need to take the bull by the horns on this and figure out how to protect his kids, but that doesnt mean he gives BM a house. Living with your MIL sounds like the best temporary solution because the kids are taken care of, have food and a roof over their head, and the kids aren't living full-time with you, thus keeping you out of it.

I have been in this situation and it sucks. If your DH is adament that he is going to purchase or rent housing for BM, THEN you have a problem. But his kids are his first responsibility, so he is going to have to do something.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Sat, 09/01/2018 - 4:53pm

memyself....A marriage is between husband and wife. Not husband, wife, ex wife. NOW husband wife, ex wife and mil.

You must be sick inside. I am so sorry. All of the talking in the world will not change what should have never happened from the start. HIS mom should have stayed out of all of this. Dad should have taken the kids full time while his ex got her shit together. Plain and simple.

Soooo sorryyyy.

 

 

 

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 09/02/2018 - 1:35am

It sounds like he wants to provide some stability for his shared children with BM.  This creates a sticky situation since your'e married the property bought for them would likely be owned by both of you so he would have to have your buy in.  Crazy situation.  

MeMyself's picture

Submitted by MeMyself on Mon, 09/03/2018 - 1:31pm

I offered many times to husband for kids to live with us b/c ex wife moved 5 times in 5 years. But she does not want that. She only cares about the money monthly