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What the future may hold??

MemizeIHope's picture

Well I'll start this by asking a question. Does anyone here even wonder how the children are going to feel about the situration that they are in with 2 families? Me and my worry is my husband and I have been in a big custosy fight to get my step-daughter who is only 6 year old. Long story short the bio-mom pulled the only card she could to keep us from my step-daughter and that was DNA. My husband had believed up til the result where in that he was the father of this child and now that he is not we have no custody and thank god will still have visitation, but though this whole process, the bio-mom has told the child who has only 5 at the time that she was no longer able to call my husband daddy anymore. We have been complete nice to bio-mom and she still doesn't allow for much communcation between my husband and the child, and even less when it comes to me.
I just worry about how this child or where this child will be mental when she's older. What is she going to think? is she even going to want to be a part of our family when she's older because it's not like we are much of a Family now. We see her everyother weekend and a couple of weeks in the summer. I guess i worry because the child is with the bio-mom alot more then she is with us and soon we will be seeing her even less becuase of activities the bio-mom has enrolled her in and court order says we have to take the child to these things. I guess i also wonder if it's going to be worth caring and loveing and fighting to see this child and thinking about what the future will hold. I'm not sure that we should even continue to have a relationship with this child or just move on with our family?
I hope that there is someone out there that could provide some insight, I could use any adivce here on what to do?
Continue to see and fight to have the child in our life part-time or to use move on with our family without her. How would this make her feel and in the long-term is this a good choice or not. I don;t want to do the wrong thing here but I think somethings got to happen or I'm going to go crazy.

Comments

sonja's picture

Yikes thats a tough one for sure. More info though.. were they married? Was he assumed to be dad because of marriage, or he never had doubt? She obviously knew.. Is he still paying cs then.. as he acted 'daddy' for so long..

I often wonder and have sort of brought up to my fdh about why even bother with this silly EOW crap. With as much time as SD has with BM, FDH truely has no impact on her life, and I see her attitude and behaviors continue to spiral down as time goes on. I admitted to him that if I knew I would have no impact on our BS' life, got to make no decisions for him, had to PAY OUT THE ASS on child support, and rarely got to see him, Id probably let him have him. (saying this as if I were the dad and not the mom etc..)

That being said, I bet it tore up your husband to find out the girl wasnt his daughter. But how close were they? Did he call her, talk about her often, be involved with school/doctor/activities? I think kids having two families is very common now days, and they adjust, but at 6 it might be too late to decide he wants to give up on being 'dad'.

Ill be curious to find out more..

Doubletakex3's picture

I'm certainly not a child psychologist. And, I am curious about how involved he's been in the child's life. Drawing from my own experience, my mother was killed when I was 6. I have many, many, memories of her and she was part of the foundation of my life & security. I dealt with the affects of PTSD & abandonment issues in my early adult years. In my circumstance, the abandonment was not voluntary but it rocked my world and left me with a lot of insecurity about life in general. I can't imagine the affects of voluntary abandonment. It may sound trite but to a large extent family is who we chose and your DH may need to get past the fact that he doesn't share DNA with this little girl. He will forever be part of her psyche in a positive or negative way and, in that, he does have a choice.

dragonfly5's picture

Wow! What a horrible story. I too am not a psychologist but what a night mare.

I am sorry you all are going thru this.