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Frustrations of being a SM...

MdMom's picture

I'm tired of the games, BM has wore me down!!
Every Summer for the last THREE (3) years BM changes SD's Schedule at LEAST twice a month. The first year, I was alright SD was just a baby (8mo) and she was the only Child in both households. So the Schedule changes didn't matter to me that much... Also it was a new relationship with FDH and I (though we have grown up together)
The second year, SD 18 mo, and I had DD and BM had a new Son. I figured that since she seemed to move on and start making another family for herself, as well as FDH and I, the schedule changes would not be as drastic... WRONG! but even still, I just went with it, whatever... an 18 month old and baby can't do too much anyways.
year three... Current year. Add two more babies to the equation, just me and FDH, no more babies for BM, and SD being 3 nearly 4 and DDs being 2 and 18 mo, and DS 6mo. June BM decides to go on a Spur of the moment camping trip, on a MONDAY, when we are to get SD on WEDNESDAY, we get a text Monday afternoon... 'Going camping, almost out of Cell phone range. You wont be able to pick SD up on Wednesday, we wont be back until Thrusday... You can pick her up Friday, and keep her until Sunday evening.' (our time is Wednesday at 4 until Saturday at 4) This means we loose a day with SD. FDH says whatever, they're already there, there is really nothing we can do.
This happens TWICE in June.
July, FDH gets a text, only it was on a Tuesday (day before pick up) 'going to an amusement park with SD tomorrow, will be staying until Friday, You can pick her up Saturday when we get home and have her until Monday.' We loose yet ANOTHER day with SD.
FDH and I have been planning a trip with our Family to the beach, we have been planning this trip since JUNE. We let BM know what days we will be gone, because we wont be home until LATE Saturday, so we wanted to Drop SD of on Sunday after Church. We let BM know a MONTH in advance, to be curtious. Then again about a two weeks ago.
BM texts FDH FRIDAY, to tell him that we need to change the schedule because she too is going to the beach the week before us, and she needs SD Thursday through Saturday. GRRRR!!
It doesn't bother me that they are going to the beach the week before we do... I could care less. It's the fact that she didn't bother to PLAN her trip on HER days... she has FOUR days to plan trips, dr visits ect. But it NEVER fails that she will wait til the last minute to do something then have to mess with SD's schedule because she can't simply plan ahead! I don't get it!
NOT ONLY THAT, but I had plans for things that the kids and I can do, I was going to get pictures on Thursday made an Appointment for it last week, now I have to cancel, and reschedule. Also, Queen Elsa and Princess Anna (from Frozen, My girl's favorite) are going to be at a local baby boutique for pictures with the kids, I bought the girls matching dresses, to go with the frozen theme and have been planning this for the last two weeks! and SD wont even be here for it. I will still take my other two, but I know that SD would have LOVED it! and it irritates me that I can't make plans for anything! Everytime I do BM eefs it up!

I have talked to FDH about it, because every time we may need an extra day (like our trip this month) BM ALWAYS makes it the most difficult thing EVER! Like we're ruining EVERYTHING for her.
I told FDH that I'm tired of the give, give, give bs and we get NOTHING in return.
I love being a Mom, But this whole SM thing is getting old. I don't treat SD any different than my other three kids. I have just gotten so tired of jumping through hoops, and playing a game I don't want to play.
Thankfully FDH understand where I am coming from, and we have agreed that we will allow BM two schedule changes a year (with holidays as the acception) I think this is VERY generous. But we are also keeping in mind that if BM ever tries to get Full custody of SD (which has come up) we will not look bad to the court. We have worked with BM, We hardly ever change the schedule for us (this is the first year we have asked for one extra day.) we make our plans around SD's Schedule. If FDH and I plan a trip for just us, we go Sat night, Sunday and Monday.
I'm sorry for the rant, and I thank you for letting me vent. Even though FDH and I have talked about it, and figured everything, on our part, out. I am still pissed at her lack of consideration, and coordination.


Midwest Stepmom's picture

The problem is your DH for allowing these changes to happen. Follow the court order, and if you don't have one - get one. Trust me, three years is nothing. It will get worse.