Does manipulation of a child constitute
emotional abuse? And do you call the child protective services about it? I need help with my situation...
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emotional abuse? And do you call the child protective services about it? I need help with my situation...
Comments
depends
on the specifcs....
with no specifics, can just be a personal disagreement or differing opinions on child raising and disipline
but generallly abuse can involve emotional abuse and not just physical. The details matter greatly.
If you call CPS be ready to condense and explain as they aren't going out to investigate based on a disagreement.
I will post my yesterday blog
As many of you know, BM has put our family through hell for the five years that DH and I have been married. Last year after BM abused SD my BH gained custody. We just learned in the past week that BM has moved for the 8th time in 5 years. (One of the many reasons DH gained custody) She moved back to our hometown in NOVEMBER. She has lived here for almost 6 months now, and we had no clue. What the real kicker is is that SD10 has been lying the entire time. About everything. And when asked why, she said because Mommy doesnt want you to know where we live or what she drives. WHY? And MOST importantly WHY does she tell a 10 yo to lie for her???? So SD10 has been holding this in for almost 6 months now. This has really torn me up for several reasons: 1. Because SD10 is now lying about EVERYTHING for her mother and can't be trusted to tell the truth; 2. We recently had a rash of SEVERE tornados that killed 2 people not far from where we live. What the hell would happen if SD was involved? We wouldnt have a clue. What if her BM hit her again? We wouldnt have a clue where to find her.. I feel like I am going to vomit or get an ulcer either one...
She constantly tells SD to hide things and to lie..she tells her that doing well in school will make her a "nerd", she tells her that having ADHD is all her fault...and other things. This child is in a constant state of turmoil.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln
it may be important
but not legally required.
Not in my state.
ok
one parent asking a kid to not tell something to the other parent
I would say is NOT ABUSE.
It is asking a child to not tell info and in no way abuse of that child.
Are you sure not knowing what you would like to know makes you the one in a constant state of turmoil?
My H's bio kids dont tell him everything. I don't think they should have to. Where is mother lives, what she drives, who she dates is not our business.
Maybe you are asking the child things you shouldn't be asking ?
?
Is there some type of court order that the BM cannot see the child?
and BM is trying to?
even then, that would not be emotional abuse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.
When the child has been abused in the past where the mother
lives is COMPLETELY our business. We DO NOT question SD or interrogate her. We could care less what the BM drives. SD's mother puts her in constant emotional termoil, not ME.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln
is there a court order ??????
or order for supervised visitation?
If not, it is not your concern where BM lives or moves to.
Unless there are court orders for special visition ( supervised) and/ or restraining order, you have no grounds to call CPS in my opinion and not emotional abuse because the kid does not tell you everything she knows.
In TN, there is a special section on a Parenting Plan that
states that each parent has the right to know those things. I'm not talking about SD not telling us EVERYTHING. I am talking about BM manipulating her and verbally putting her down. We don't want to know EVERY little detail. We want to make sure that this child who was physically abused a year ago is not harmed emotionally or physically again.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln
?
Did BM breech legal instructions given to her by the courts ?
as in: to notify
where she lives and moves to and failed to do so?
Are you and BF the ones she is supposed to report that info to ?
I am just trying to help you because if you call CPS, it better be someothing investiation worthy
or they will not pay attention to you much in the future, in case something reallllly bad happens.
YES
Think about it, manipulation is playing with the other person's mind/feelings in order to do what you want. If you manipulate the child's feelings negatively, it is emotional abuse, no doubt. Because you are abusing of your power, and that is what the manipulator wants, power and CONTROL. Extreme manipulation in which someone is making the other person do/think negatively IS a form of emotional abuse.
For example, if you manipulate a child to hate the other parent.
If you manipulate a child to think that SM is evil
If you manipulate a child to believe he/she is ugly
If you manipulate a child to believe he/she is stupid
If you manipulate a child to hurt him/her self as a punishment...
and the list is endless...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
And do you report these things to DCS?
do they believe in emotional abuse? I know what happened to SD before was horrible, BM was put in jail. But this? Would they even investigate?
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln
YES, emotional abuse MUST be reported to authorities
I believe that a child must be not only safe and taken care of but in a loving environment.
DCF definition of
Emotional child abuse
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. This old saying could not be farther from the truth. Emotional child abuse may seem invisible. However, because emotional child abuse involves behavior that interferes with a child’s mental health or social development, the effects can be extremely damaging and may even leave deeper lifelong psychological scars than physical abuse.
Emotional child abuse takes many forms, in words and in actions.
Words. Examples of how words can hurt include constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child, calling names and making negative comparisons to others, or constantly telling a child he or she is “no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake." How the words are spoken can be terrifying to a child as well, such as yelling, threatening, or bullying.
Actions. Basic food and shelter may be provided, but withholding love and affection can have devastating effects on a child. Examples include ignoring or rejecting a child, giving him or her the silent treatment. Another strong component of emotional abuse is exposing the child to inappropriate situations or behavior. Especially damaging is witnessing acts that cause a feeling of helplessness and horror, such as in domestic violence or watching another sibling or pet be abused.
Signs of emotional child abuse
Behavioral signs. Since emotional child abuse does not leave concrete marks, the effects may be harder to detect. Is the child excessively shy, fearful or afraid of doing something wrong? Behavioral extremes may also be a clue. A child may be constantly trying to parent other children for example, or on the opposite side exhibit antisocial behavior such as uncontrolled aggression. Look for inappropriate age behaviors as well, such as an older child exhibiting behaviors more commonly found in younger children.
Caregiver signs. Does a caregiver seem unusually harsh and critical of a child, belittling and shaming him or her in front of others? Has the caregiver shown anger or issues with control in other areas? A caregiver may also seem strangely unconcerned with a child’s welfare or performance. Keep in mind that there might not be immediate caregiver signs. Tragically, many emotionally abusive caregivers can present a kind outside face to the world, making the abuse of the child all the more confusing and scary.
sure
they know how to assess for emotional abuse.
CPS is a govt entity and has full legal powers.
emotional abuse is hard to prove, your going to have some real facts to back it up with. They cannot do anything about the child maybe emotionally abused, they will only act if they assess and find proof. It is much harder to prove than pshysical abuse as there are no broken bones or marks upon the child.
They will assess the child and either open a case or not.
Not sure if calling a kid a nerd has much weight as far as abuse. Unless maybe they do it every day a few times in a real nasty way...
?
Be careful and make sure you have some proof... even vidoe record the kid telling about the abuse. You dont want to end up looking badly to CPS and they dont listen to you anymore.
agree
the tricky part is that Emotional abuse must be reported, in theory, but practically speaking unless is like extreme, it is very hard to prove.
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Check DH's Divorce Decree and
his Custody Order, if he has them. I know in both my divorce docs, and my DH's divorce docs, it stipulates that each bio parent is to have a valid address for the other. So I'd check the paperwork on that first.
Second, I don't think CPS will constitute teaching and encouraging your SD to lie as abuse. Crappy parenting for sure, but abuse? I'm afraid not. Have you checked with SD's school to see if BM has been there, or in contact with them at all? They may just have a phone number, or address for her, just a thought... Given her physical abuse history with your SD, you may want to seek advice from a lawyer, or child advocate of some sort, to see what can be done about supervised visitation...
well i guess everything is all forgiven then...
lol.
I'm sure DCS will do nothing. When we told the Judge what had been going on last time (physically) he couldnt believe DCS hadn't been involved.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln
SD has one when we went to Court last year..
which was when she was diagnosed ADHD. I think it's probably time for another one. The only problem with that is that BM has practically brainwashed SD. SD did not even remember the physical abuse when asked by her school counselor. AND the BM and BD have to go to the first meeting together. Not pretty.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt..Abe Lincoln
This is a Family Court matter
I would bring an application before the court to modify or obtain an order that BM provide you with her street address and phone number. This is a reasonable request that most judges approve.
I would also request the BM be reframed from involving her in adult matters. When you do your affidavit in support of your application, you can bring up the concerns about telling her not to tell you where she lives, etc.
Good Luck
We all smile in the same language
I used to have a job
where I had to report abuse, sometimes with adults, sometimes kids and they really question you when you make a report.
You dont have to leave a name, but they do want to know a lot and ask a lot of questions.
I guess they want to go there and have something they can actually investigate and it has to be based on facts.
I called CPS on time on a neighbor as she was beating her kid and I could hear it in my house, she was crashing furniture and throwing stuff around and outside. I looked outside and the kid ran out of the house to someone elses down the road hiding.
I called and told them where he was and what I saw and heard. They were there FAST and luckily they saw everything smashed up and thrown around, found the kid all shook up and they opened an investigation.
I'm glad I did it too because after that she didn't go balistic anymore on the kid because she knew they were watching.
She didn't figure out it was me who called until much later and still not really sure it was me. They do not tell the people they are investiagting who called them.
Where I live, it's mandatory
It's mandatory here for each parent to provide the other with a valid address.
Also, CPS *here* doesn't give a darn about emotional abuse...my kids' dad used to be the king of emotional abuse but nobody cared. As a matter of fact, a CPS worker told me this when I called about him dragging my daughter up the stairs by her hair, "we won't investigate that unless he actually pulls a lot of hair from her head, and even then we probably wouldn't bother with it"
“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop