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"We need to keep it in the family"

Mary Louise's picture

SS and SD found out last Thursday that SIL is pregnant. Apparently, DH's brother and wife thought it was a good idea to tell a 7 and 9 yr old that his wife was 6 weeks pregnant (even though she is high risk - 39 and has already had a Developmentally disabled child; BIL has MS)

MIL was present and made the statement "we need to make sure we keep this in the family" - by which both kids understood they were not to tell me about it, or DH since they are aware that MIL does not consider us part of the family.

As an afterthought, BIL called DH to ask if the kids had already told him that SIL was pregnant. Of course they hadn't.

We are debating what, if anything, should be said about asking the kids to keep secrets from their dad.

We also had a LONG serious talk with the kids about how they feel horrible being put in the middle and about honesty and how omission is part of dishonesty.

Comments

frustratedinMA's picture

Soo.. SIL is dh's brother's wife.. right?? WHY doesnt MIL consider you and your dh... HER SON.. family???

WTF???

My skids bm is always telling them to not tell us stuff.. and then it slips and then you see the HORROR on their faces when they realized they slipped. Like I give a rats @ss about most of the stuff SHE is doing.

Why do people do this to kids??

Mary Louise's picture

We aren't considered family because we don't do just what MIL wants when she wants it.

There was a big blowout last summer where DH was told that as long as he was with me, his parents didn't care if they ever saw him again.

They have pretty much adopted the BM as their child and include her in family activities that we are not invited to. All they are really interested in is the kids.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

It makes it too hard on the kids. They shouldn't have to keep secrets from their Dad.

We went through that too. In our case, there was a domestic violence incident at Bm's house and she didn't want us to know. Ss thought it was serious enough and told us. There has also been numerous other items that ss has been told to keep a secret from us. Dh has talked to Bm about this but I'd almost bet she's still doing it.

Dh told Bm that if she didn't want us to know, she shouldn't tell ss.

Dawn

frustratedinMA's picture

That is just horrible. I am sorry. Hopefully your family is welcoming for both of you.

Mary Louise's picture

My family is awesome. They have openly welcomed DH and the kids as part of our family. The kids are very excited that they have new cousins, grand parents, etc. It would be nicer if my family lived here, but they live several states away.