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My husband has something attached to his ass....oh wait thats his son...

Marie09's picture

Seriously...I may joke about this but it really annoys the hell out of me. My DH can not even walk out of the room without one or both, going where is daddy and go hunt him down. They can be in the middle of playing or watching a movie and if they noticing him missing, they ask me and than go hunt him down and ask him what he's doing and a million questions. The worst is when I'm cooking dinner and my kitchen isnt very big and he will come and ask to help and I'll have him set the table and hear the both come and just stand there. Like hello, I'm cooking move out of the way!! If he goes to the bathroom, SS5 will walk upstairs and wait outside the door. I use to think they'd grow out of this but it seems to be worse or just annoying me worse.

I am sure its hard b/c they dont see their dad every day but when we've had them for four days straight and they are even worse on the 4th day, how can it not be annoying. Sometimes I feel like I have a hubby every other wkd b/c we cant even share a tiny peck without one of them hugging on him or yelling for him. I dont want to disengage although sometimes I do run for peace. He will come find me to see if I'm okay and then they show up and thats who I'm trying to get away from!! We cant do anything when we have them, like house related b/c they are all up in it. Than DH gets frustrated b/c they should be a part of our life together, not everything stops and entertain them for the whole wkd. We do a lot of fun things with them but our lives shouldnt stop just b/c they are there and so damn needy...ugh!

Comments

Constantly_guilty's picture

Sounds like my SD and we have her 24/7. She just drapes herself on both of us like a bathrobe. I have actually taken to pushing her off of me from time to time. I don't like the feeling of being touched all the time. The only person i don't mind touching me is my BD and that is because I've been holding her naked little baby body since the moment she was born. I'm just not a big hugger/toucher with ANYONE in my life and it makes it hard because SD just wants to be touching someone all the time. I won't sit on my couch when she is there because she'll immediately lay all over me.

jenjen's picture

Haha! I was just blogging about something similar.

Me escaping to my bedroom to find some peace and quiet...

Dh follows...

Skids follow....

Suddenly my santuary is filled with all of the people I was trying to get away from.

hmmm.... its frustrating! I was saying its like I have some kind of magnetic pull that attracts DH/skids and I cannot shake em off!

The youngest SD hugs me constantly - Im not a big hugger either (except myson and DH) and she is always wrapped around my legs whenever Im trying to do something! Great, you like me....now go away!

soverysad's picture

SD5 is similar. The difference is that dh no longer allows her to intentionally try to get his attention when he is hugging me or talking to me. He very nicely tells her that it is rude and that she must wait her turn. How did I get him to do this? I shut down. No I am NOT okay. I still exist when the little cherub shows up and I am exactly the same and require you to behave the same toward me. SD get her "alone" time with daddy each night. I do not interrupt this time. Ever. I expect the same respect when dh is focusing on me. SO when he would stop mid-sentence in a conversation with me to address her. I left the room. He'd come looking for me and I would make it clear that I was finished with our conversation. I pulled myself away from work, a book, a tv show, (otherwise ME stuff) to speak with him and he disrespected that by letting SD interrupt so now I am back to ME and he could wait until I felt like resuming the conversation.

I get a lot of the guilt "I want us all to be a family" crap too, but being a "family" means kissing her butt when she is here and catering to her every whim and I am not interested in that. DH has gotten much better. SD is not happy but dh has been consistent in making her respect that she is not the only person in the house.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Marie09's picture

DH never lets them interrupt us, if they do, he will say "Dont you hear "SM" talking?" When she is done, you can ask your question. Than he will apologize and say sorry babe what were you saying. Its shockingly nothing with DH actions to it. Like I said it annoys me! And I appreciate the respect he shows me and shows the boys they need to do whether its me or any adult.

I just cant stand that they have to follow him around like lost puppies!

soverysad's picture

Well that is certainly good news!!! I understand that it is still annoying though. I call it the "look at me SD show". It runs non-stop and there are many re-runs! Dh is constantly telling her to "keep herself busy", then she'll come in every 2 minutes and update him on the time lest he forget that at 7pm it is "her" time. She'll start this every two minute as early as 5:30. GGGRRRR!!!! He knows you're here!!!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

MsPerception's picture

My biggest problem with bf's kids ss7 and sd8-stand outside bathroom door and have convo with daddy thru the door?? And keep going even after being told to wait? "Daddy can I? Daddy will you?? She said no (pout, pout)"

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

Marie09's picture

OMG they do that too but DH doesnt let it occur. They ask a question and he goes I'm going to the bathroom wait till I'm done. Seriously, he cant take a shit without a knock, question and daddy what are you doing. I want to scream, he's shitting leave him be for 5 damn minutes...geeze!

Marie09's picture

Yeah DH gets super frustrated and will tell them to go sit or resume playing. He shows them a lot of affection but he also doesnt need a 8 & 5 yr old keeping tabs on him. I tell them constantly to sit when he goes to use the bathroom. It's unneccesary. And I feel like thats all they ask me, where's daddy?!

Thankfully, DH doesnt make me or them the center of his world when we are all together, he spends time with both. I never interrupt his special time with them and he does ignore or tell them to wait their turn if he's hugging me or showing me affection. So I am VERY lucky in that regard!! B/c otherwise ST would hear it...lol

soverysad's picture

I'd say your SO had his head up his kids' butts so far that it should never have been a question in your home, but I can't decide if his head is up their butts or his own!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

soverysad's picture

OMG - SD5 does the same thing. Everytime dh and I are speaking she starts "daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, excuse me, daddy" and when he finally answers her (to his credit he doesn't even flinch and completely ignores her until we're finished speaking) SD "um, um, um, um, um" DH "did you just keep interrupting my conversation with Soverysad for attention?" SD " um, NO (pissy voice like how dare you call me out on that). I just wanted um, er, um, to say I love you, daddy (sticky sweet, choke me now voice)" It is so annoying and it totally make anytime she says she loves him seem so insincere. Fortunately, for me DH does reprimand her and let her know that interrupting is unacceptable and that he doesn't need to be looking at her all day to know she is there. She remembers this for about 10 minutes and then just does it again anyway because her mother pretty much camps out in her ass all day long (doesn't actually play with her or anything, just lets her interrupt and talk all day long).

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

soverysad's picture

I think they find it effective because most parents aren't going to miss an opportunity for "I love you" and you certainly can't yell at them when they say it. I'm sure I did it to my father when I was a kid (but I never interrupted conversation with adults. EVER - that was a major no-no). DH just says "I love you too, but do not interrupt me when I am talking it is rude." Sometimes he goes on to tell her that "SVS loves me too but she doesn't interrupt me when I am talking to you to say it.". Sometimes when I am feeling especially vile, I consider it just to prove a point. DH and I both agreed that the next time she is a pita (pain in the ass) when we're trying to be adults, I WILL interrupt her special time with daddy the next time and it will be explained to her that "you get what you give".

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

LMR120's picture

I used to make fun of my BF for this. I would say things like do you want me to sleep on the couch so you and SD3 can have the master bedroom or what? LOL. My SKIDS do the same thing. My BF went to check the mail one time and SD3 started crying her eyes out screaming where is my daddy. I told her to be quite that he went to check the mail he would be right back and if she wanted to continue crying she could go in her room and do it. As far as the cooking thing goes my SKIDS do that also, my BF will be in there making dinner and they will both be standing right next to him. Im like hey you guys come in here and play there is a hot stove in there and you dont need to be standing under your dads feet. I am just now getting my BF to realize that when him and i are having a convo none of the kids are to speak. They may say excuse me to let us know they want to speak but they must wait until one of us says yes before they start talking. Its what my daughter has done since she started talking. When you see grown folk talking be quite, you dont interupt adults. When they first started coming over i swear to you we would be talking and all you would hear is DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD Until he said what? Are you kidding me that is not ok.

MsPerception's picture

Bf's best friend actually asked him if there was a possibility i was really being "mean" to them?!? WTH?!? I just matter of factly would tell either one dad went to do such and such and to either sit down and be quiet until he got back or go to their rooms. The oldest one used to scream for hours on end for her dad-yes, a s a stranger on the scene I know this was huge for her (she was 4). Though I tried to comfort her it wasnt enough she continued to squall. Her brother a year younger than she was quiet and content to sit with me, but then started the out of control screeching for his dad when they were left with me when he went to work. I tried-as they got older it was just hard and I admit I did run away. But I started seeing a double-standard between his kids and mine and I was left doing everything and seeing no "reward"-no behavior cahnges in them, my kids growing more sullen as his just ran slipshod over everyone and his "punishment" of me when I dared discipline his for simple things-flushing toilets, washing hands, dressing themselves etc....

** I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

MsPerception's picture

You gals are lucky!! They are up his ass craw sideways and he asks me whats wrong with that?? How do you like me now in my own space with BS18, BD's 15 and 5 who didn't do that when we lived with you?!?? Now, you HAVE to do everything for them because you won't teach them any independence or responsibility.

I'm not the Stepdragon for nothing-I would send them back to their rooms when they'd hover waiting to pounce on dad after he comes from the bathroom taking a dump, taking a shower, our room with the door closed taking a smoke break. And he wondered why I started wearing the ipod? and carrying my cell all of the time thru the house so my teens could get my attention. AAACCCCKKKK!!!!

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

southernbelle's picture

OMG, that is just like my SS and he's 11!! He's really standoff-ish to me, but he follows his Dad everywhere! He has to be by his side 24-7, and/or holding his hand. He's 11 dammit, not 2! I can't stand it, but most of the time DH doesn't even notice it. My BS stopped doing that sort of thing when he was like...7. I try to just grit my teeth and bear it, and only give my DH my opinion on it being weird when he asks, but sometimes it makes me crazy. Especially when he takes my seat or my place, and then when I tell him to move, my dear darling husband "oh no, you don't have to move, here, just scoot over and we'll all 3 sit together!" which then results in me feeling like a sardine, the kid going back and forth between being smug he didn't have to move, and pissed that I'm there, and my BS with no place with "us" to sit, so he feels all left out. And then DH wonders why BS doesn't really want to have anything to do with us. *sigh*
Anybody have any ideas how to get it to stop???

MsPerception's picture

I usually take mine and move. I figure if he wants to sit beside me without kids in our face he will figure it out. At my house when they come over they arent allowed to sit on the couch with us. First, because they will NOT sit still and secondly it's the only way for me to get him "to myself" so to speak. There is plenty of floor space and theyre gonna act like yahooligans no matter what's said to them anyway.

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

stepmasochist's picture

SS 6 asks everytime DH leaves the room "Where's Daddy?"

And, he's usually just gone to the bathroom.

I told DH once when he came back from a trip to the bathroom, about SS asking EVERY SINGLE TIME he goes, "Where's daddy?" that I think he's so far up DH's ass, he should be acutely aware of when he's in the bathroom.

soverysad's picture

OMG that just reminded me of what my mother used to say whenever she felt one of us (my brothers or I) were being a pain in the ass looking for each other or my father, she'd respond with "If her were up your ass you'd know it". I never knew what it meant, but I guess it was her way of saying, you don't need to be up someone's bum all the damn time!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

MsPerception's picture

SHAME ON ME svs!!!! LOL I've slipped and said that to them!!! I know, bad, bad

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

Amazed's picture

In my earlier stepmothering days with SD11...she was probably 7 at the time...I swear I heard nothing come out of her mouth but, "daddy?" "hey barbie where's daddy?" "daddy where are you??" "has anyone seen daddy?"

So many times I wanted to say, "i don't know where daddy is,sd, i keep forgetting to have that GPS tracking device installed onto his balls."

She never has stopped with the constant need to be up daddy's backside...I'm just better at ignoring it now:)

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

MsPerception's picture

Now, I have discovered I will be able to walk around screaming "pita, pita" until one of my smart aleck teenagers figures it out. But it will still be above bf and skids' heads--weehoo!!!!

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

meanpocahontas's picture

Laugh my ass off! Okay I have the same situation with my SS who is "17"!!! Yes 17!! I swear to you that my DH is the one that gave birth and they just never cut the cord! That damn cord can stretch in any direction and can reach any point in the world!

When I 1st moved in both SS & SD who were 14 & 11 at the time, would follow their daddy into the freaking bathroom as he stood their urinating!! What the freak is that all about?!?!?!? Especially with an 11yr daughter!!! I stopped that really quick. But 17yr SS is still ridiculous. Everywhere dad goes he follows or asks where did dad go and if he is in the bathroom he waits right outside the door. VERY ANNOYING! Whats funny they want to act like they are so independent and all but yet they cannot go without daddy if and when they are home!

MsPerception's picture

Don't feel so bad, Mean. My bf will still be dressing his little darlings when theyre teenagers-thus spake the fortune teller.

AND he still asks whats wrong with that?!?? (banging head-brick wall-aye yi yi)

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

Nemo's picture

My biggest thing is when I call SO to tell him something important, and Ill be in the middle or it when SD starts talking to him, and he'll tune me out and listen to her. I've gotten where I just hang up on him. Why do I want to sit on the phone and listen to you talk to your daughter who's in the same room with you??

But yea, SD does that too. Not a moment goes by where daddy is out of her site. Pretty annoying. And If were sitting on the couch cuddling, she has to climb on top of us and sit right in the middle.

Or when I'm there, and I'll be trying to have a converstation, and its "DADDY! DADDY! DADDY! LOOK AT ME DADDY!"

MsPerception's picture

Yeah, I'm guessing that's why we don't talk so much on the phone anymore because when I'd hear them I would just sit still and not say anything. Then he'd say a sentence or 2, no answer, until he finally says "honey?" I finally answer him and he asks why I didn't answer him before I just say "I didn't realize you were actually talking to ME." He can't be all stupid in figuring out I want very little to do with them while they get to act fool out like heathens. Yes, girls (and guys) it's mean (after all theyre just kids :0 ) and so is being made to feel less than 2nd class when you cook, clean and tend to people who are only grateful for you to keep on doing that until yu fall over.

**No gratitude-just attitude; thanks but I think I'll pass**

Denial's picture

I'm reading all of your posts and I am seeing my SS16 - how pathetic is that. Last night my DH finally admitted that SS is not emotionally mature enough for his age.

Grandma stopped by this weekend and she was holding our son. The baby makes a cute little face where he raises one eyebrow, smiles a devilish grin and chuckles. Grandma said "oh look at that eyebrow thing - you look just like your daddy when you do that" My SS stands up from the table and gets really close to their Grandma and in her face and says "look Grandma - I can do it too, see - Grandma look, Dad look - I look more like Dad than he does - see Grandma look" Then when no one catered to him, he took a pen and wrote on the baby's hand, like he was 10 yrs old. He almost got his hand broke!

He also does the "where did Dad go? Dad . . Dad . . Dad . . Dad . . Dad. That's all that comes out of his mouth, besides "my mom always has this, my mom always buys this, my mom, my mom . . ." My DH will get up to go to the bathroom, SS looks at me - stands up and follows. DH always says 'I'm going to the bathroom are you coming to help?'

I can see maybe little kids being clingy - but a 16 yr. old - it's just disgusting. He is no where near being prepared for turning 18 in 1 1/2 years.

Denial's picture

In my case - when he says my mom too much - I automatically have a conversation in my head - where I'm saying my mom and inserting what SS should really be saying

"My mom, my mom - she caught me with pot in my room for 3 years. My mom, my mom - she was then surprised I got arrested at school for selling and using. My mom- my mom - she found my stash after I got arrested and had my oldest brother sell it for the money. My mom- my mom - doesn't give a $hit how I turn out - she just wants money."

Yeah - perfect mom - horse $hit!

Denial's picture

I don't know how many times he kept saying my mom, my mom. I give my DH credit for the strides he's making and his attempt at standing up - my SS kept saying "why don't you guys have chocolate chips - we always have chocolate chips - I want cookies"

OK for one - chocolate chips, he's gonna' bitch because we don't have chocolate chips? BRAT!

My DH said, no, we don't have chocolate chips - we usually only buy that stuff once in a while as a treat. SS said, we ALWAYS have chocolate chips, it's like a staple - mom ALWAYS makes me cookies. DH said "well, good for her" and tried to change the subject. SS pushed the limit and said "so you only buy it once in a while as a treat - what's a matter, can't afford chocolate chips"

DH lost it - slammed down his fork and said "maybe if your mother sent me money every month, I would have chocolate chips every time you summoned me to make cookies for you" It turned into quite the argument, but DH made it very clear the reason they live the way they do is because of the money he sends and SS needs to be more appreciative. DH explained our household functions more on necessities than niceties because his paycheck supports both households.

Thank you counseling, thank you counseling, thank you counseling!!! Maybe if I keep saying it - the effects will last forever:)!

soverysad's picture

DH always tells sd this when she complains that mommy buys her this and that "mommy buys you that stuff because daddy works very hard and sends her money". I can't wait until alimony ends and the trips to the mall are cut off flat!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Smonster's picture

Marie, that topic heading is hilarious. I have been with my DH since youngest SS was 6 he is now almost 13 and STILL follows DH where ever he goes. If he is not sitting on DH's lap, he is as close to him as he can possibly get. I don't understand this because DH tells every single one of his kids that he loves them on a daily basis, he will do anything and everything for them. All of DH's kids except the oldest SS (in his twenties) still sit on his lap. SD's are in their 20's, they actually "cuddle" with DH, laying their head on his chest etc. It may sound like I am jealous, but believe I am not jealous, just completely creeped out by it. DH is the quintessential Disney Dad.

Marie09's picture

LOl...that's the only way I can think to describe it! It doesnt matter where my DH is, there are 2 things hangin out his ass! Its insane! I remember being 5 & 8 and esp when I was 8, I could've cared less where my parents were. I was too involved in barbie or my little pony. These kids cant even play by themselves. I reformed my finished basement into a play room for them: TV, cable, Xbox, hir hockey table, crafts corner, all their toys and games. Its like a mini fun zone, they claim they are bored and would rather sit on Daddy's lap and watch TV. Thats another thing, he isnt a f'in chair. They both HAVE to sit on his lap. Sometimes he lets them but now he's starting to push them off and tell them to sit in their own seat!