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How to explain...

Marie09's picture

My DH and I are married. He has 2 sons (8 & 4). We plan to have a child together in a few yrs. And we've discussed in great detail that we want the boys to look at our child as their sibling, not a half sibling. Here's the latest problem...

BM and b/f are on again off again. B/F has two kids of his own (Boy 9 & Girl 6) He doesnt have custody b/c he's a felon and straight up loser. Anyway, SS's were at our house this wkd and SS4 told us the B/F's kid were their brother and sister and SS8 corrected him and said step-siblings. My DH was alone with them when it happened and didnt know how to react. If BM and B/f were engaged and they were explaining, we wouldnt have an issue with this b/c that's techinically what they would be. But considering they break up and get back together, I dont think they should be telling the kids they are step-siblings!! BM and B/f did recently move in together into a 2 bedroom apt with 4 kids!! (It makes me sick thinking about it!) But even still, they are not engaged (that we know of and I'm sure we'd hear it!) and I think its misinforming all 4 of the kids!!

DH & I didnt want to say no they are not and the SS's go back to BM adn say Daddy & _____ said they arent are step-siblings and start some stupid fight, but we also dont want them to be misinformed.

I seriously hate BM, she's a terrible mother and her boys suffer and are acting out b/c of it. They get on my nerves b/c of how bad they can be at times. But I love them more than anything and want the best for them and try and give them the best enviroment possible. I swear they need a manual for being a step-parent!

Comments

BMJen's picture

Dh and I have a bio together and all the kids.......his and mine.....think of her as their sister.....no half's there! But that's great in my book that they all love her so much.

But to be honest with you.......my son doesn't call my SD his step sister. He says his sister. He was saying it before we got married. I didn't have a prob with it, I don't know if his bio father did or not, he didn't tell me if so.

Marie09's picture

I think b/c I dont have children of my own makes a difference. I dont care if they become the kids step-siblings, but I do think its wrong to tell the kids that when they are NOT married and they've broken up SO many times! Adult situations are confusing enough for kids, you dont need to give them false info.

lovin_my_life's picture

Before DH and I married my children called his children their sister and brothers. Not step or anything. I'm sure BM will correct them when DH and I have a baby together. She's always on top of petty crap like that. I can hear it now, "No, the baby is your HALF sibling, not full b/c your father left me and now he's married to his precious SM and I can't have his babies anymore so they're not your full, just half".... Yea.. it's like that!

"I aint no Carol Brady"

Marie09's picture

Yeah I think BM will do the same when we have a baby as well. She will make sure to say its a HALF sibling. But DH has a half brother, but to him, its his brother regardless even though they share different dads.