Dh always gives in to BM1 ...what to do?
So yesterday DH and I had our third blowout this month. The reason? He keeps making decisions with me( after all sorts of time spent arguing) then turns around and does the opposite. When confronted he tells me i dictated the decision he made and circumstances changed. These decision changes always happen when BM1 makes him feel bad about not doing anything as a father.
1. Dh recently came into some money. We agreed that bm1 was not to know about any of it. (A relative passed and left dh and ss12 some money- SS12s money were already allocated before DH got his $). I asked DH to take a chunk of his money and pay off back child he owes(which he was paying on fro paycheck). He did. BM2 received the child support and called DH sking where the money came from.(making sure its not from ss12 money he was getting separately- she of course was making sure she was going to get the maximum amount of money to spend). She basically accused DH of stealing from his kid! To this DH responded by telling her everything about where the childs money is and about his money. When confronted about telling her his response was" circumstances changed! She already knew! And you dictated how I should act!"
2. This on is a bit iffy admittedly. After the past blowouts we argued for a few hours. He agreed amongst other things that if BM calls for any favors to tell her no.(he said his response would be " you just got xxx child support so now you gotta step up").
Bm has been obsessed to send ss12 to a particular private prep school( costs more than a year of state college!). Dh and I agreed that we will not be paying for any of this school.(ss12 has pretty poor grades and she does not make him do homework so it would be wasted money for him to go bc ultimately he can learn/not learn the same things in regular school) We also agreed that we would not be participating in the open houses or anything to do with this school except to help him with homework at our house .( this is the iffy part as I would like ss12 to have a good education). The open house happened to fall last weekend during dh time. Dh and I agreed he was going to switch days so ss12 could go. Then came the mornig of the open house. Ss12 informs us that his mom was just going to drop him off and he was going to be alone at this open houses . DH counters with "i can be there with him". I remimded DH that he told me if she is not there to take him to this open house he will be bringing ss12 home. Dh was snappy with me all day then when asked he denied everything and once again told me "circumtances change". I told him that he did male it possible for his son to go by switching days.
I should mention that BM does the following when she wants something:
1. Figures out what she wants.2 gets her kid interested in what she wants by various manipulations. 3. When the kid is interested in that she tells DH that the kid is interested on his own. Thaen she guilttrips DH into paying.
So by us not going we are avoiding the guilttrip as she is already saying to DH " Its only your son's education!" To which he always responds by opening the wallet.
Note: Ss12 had experessed he does not want to go to this school bc. all of his friends are going to the public school. (He has had a lot of changes in the last 2 ys including the death of a close relative, a new sibling, a new step dad, a new step mom and a new house). His dad felt it would be detrimental to take him away from his friends and put him in an entirely new environment after all these changes. This was a factor( of a few) in deciding to not go to the open house.
What can I do. I keep trying to show to my husband I am a team with him but I feel he is not reciprocating. Is there a way I can approach this differently.