Childless Stepmom
I am a childless stepmom to 2 teenage boys. SS#1 is 14 and SS#2 is 13. I recently suffered my third miscarriage in 3 years. We never told the boys I was pregnant the last 2 times. My first time I found out I was pregnant, my husband and i were so excited! We told the boys when I was 8 weeks along. The next morning, BioMom showed up at our house, yelling and screaming about what a mistake we had made. She said I was only with my husband for his money. Um...what money? We struggle like most families. She made a huge scene in our driveway, in front of both of their children. It was disgusting.
3 weeks later I had my first miscarriage. The youngest was home and he found me on the bathroom floor crying. I was in so much pain. He hugged me and said everything would be okay. Later on, I found out in counseling that BioMom told the boys I blamed them for my miscarriage. I didn't blame my SS's, my husband, or myself! I have several health problems and from day 1 of learning I was pregnant, my doctors told me I was at high risk of having a miscarriage. Over the next year, I became pregnant again. We were hopeful. Again, I lost the pregnancy. A year later, same tragedy struck. My doctors say it is called Recurrent Pregnancy Loss, it only happens to 1% of women.
Everyday I struggle with my losses but I try not to talk about it. My husband doesn't understand, as he already has 2 children. He doesn't understand my struggles as a stepmom either. I have tried to talk to him about what it is like to be a childless stepmom. He just doesn't get it.
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Comments
I'm sorry about your
I'm sorry about your miscarriages. Such tragedy.
Have you considered talking to someone that does understand? I mean, you're posting here which is great but have you talked to a therapist or support group to process your grief? It's not uncommon for others to not understand what you are going through if they have not gone through it before. Find others similar to you, it might help. And don't forget to tell your husband what you need during this time; he can't figure it out on his own.
I would definitely continue to keep any future pregnancy hush hush until you are many months along. You and future baby do not need the drama from BM. If anything, your DH should be protecting you from her.
I am trying to find a
I am trying to find a counselor, someone who understands what I am going through. Having trouble finding someone who knows or understands what I have been through.
There are literally millions
There are literally millions of us. I found a therapist who personally experienced multiple miscarriages while raising her sks from a high conflict biomom. She was the second therapist I called. And she saved my sanity.
I am so sorry for your losses
I am so sorry for your losses.
BM is a despicable person. Who on earth would want to saddle a child with blame like that??? Even if she said you were the one that blamed them, I am sure they searched and tried to figure out what they did wrong. I am just so disgusted.
I had one miscarriage and even 13 years later, it hurts to think about. You are allowed your pain. You are allowed to talk about it. You should! It is healthy to talk about it, to mourn and to try and heal.
I am trying not to get too personal but have you been to an infertility specialist? I had a lot of trouble conceiving to begin with and was only able to get pregnant with Clomid. Since my miscarriage was in between my 2 pregnancies they kept me on hormones through my 1st trimester with my daughter. I don't know if I got lucky with her or just unlucky with the one I lost, but I was so closely monitored, weekly appointments for so much of my pregnancy- it didn't help that I kept going into pre-term labor starting at 30 weeks either. But it worked and she was born healthy and happy.