What to do when your step daughter wants to move for the wrong reasons?!
my step daughter is 14, while it has been difficult, the last few moments we have grown closer. Her BF has sole physical and sole legal, however her BM gets long distance parenting time.(once a month, every other Holiday, 8 weeks in the summer) This past spring, BF and BM decided to go against the court order and allow her to decide when she comes and goes as long as she stays with us during the school year. We have kept our end of the deal, however the BM has not. (We were expecting this) She went down in June for her 8 weeks and came back for July 4th week, however her BM still wanted her 8 weeks, regardless of what daughter wanted. Between her July 4 visit and two weeks ago, SD has asked if she could live down there and try school. BF said he would think about it, however he would want some time for her to think about it while she is with us. Within a day, she was with us.
Keep in mind BM has promised many things that hasn’t happened (trip to Cedar Point, being a SeaCadet at a local military base, 4H, and camping trips) none of which has happened. This isn’t something new, before every summer she promises exciting things, only to tell her that they will have to try next summer. This is 3 summers in a row that she has said, ‘next summer.’
SD has claimed that BM will set her up with driver’s training, buy her a new phone, and give her her own room. However, she has also asked her daughter to lie about their dog attacking the other kids, having her bedroom in a basement that is against building regulations(there is no exit and no egress window in case of a fire), and who has come to the house(a 15 year old male that has asked SD 7 year old sister to get naked so he can see her parts. Those are only a few lies.
We have allowed SD to think about what she wants and she wants to live with her mom(according to SD) so that she doesn’t have to do chores, she will get money from CS, along with the new phone, own bedroom, and driver’s training.
Her home has only 3 bedrooms and she has 3 other daughter, and a son, we know she won’t get a new phone or driver’s training because BM can not afford the court ordered $78 a month child support(that she was only ordered to pay after she tried to get CS for her long distance parenting time)
We want to let SD make the decision on her own, however we know she won’t get what she is promised because BM breaks EVERY promise.
BF has already decided that he will not let her try it out after finding out about the constant lies that BM has asked her to tell. How do we go about explaining to SD the reasoning behind the decision, without throwing her BM under the bus and without serious resentment? Any suggestions are welcome .