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The storm is brewing

mamafaith28's picture

My hubby is off on storm work, he helps turn on electricity to those that lost it during hurricanes and such. This is when his ex/baby mama goes especially crazy. According to the court order, she needs to let us know 30 days ahead of time, when she wants to have 14 SD, I understand that this doesn’t always happen and I often go out of my way, cancelling plans, with only days notice. However, with kids in soccer M-T and working weekends, it makes it difficult with only days notice. I explained this to SD14 and she understood.... initially. It wasn’t until I explained it to ex, that it blew up. She texted SD and stated that it’s all my fault. I told ex that if she could drive both back and forth, with this short notice, I would make sure SD was ready and available. That however, did not suffice. She then texted SD that it was my fault. It wasn’t until ex/baby mama texted that SD got upset. She has been hollering at me all day about irrelevant things. 

I know she gets mad at me because I am her safety. Her mom had been in and out of her life since birth and I have been IN it for 9 1/2 years, steady and going.

How do you deal with it though? I have stopped protecting ex, however I won’t throw her under the bus. There are some things SD doesn’t need to be aware of, yet her mom brings her into it, stating it’s her choice and it’s my fault if I don’t do what she says. What do you do? How do you make it so she is easy to deal with? Frustrated and feeling alone with out the hubby here, he works 16 hour days while doing this and it’s hard dealing with it all on my own.


Survivingstephell's picture

IMO< At 14 SD can see the paperwork stating what BM has agreed to do and that a judge and her and her dad signed the papers and you are only following a court order.  

AS for the attitude, send her to her room and take the phone.  She can have it back when she is respectful and reasonable again.  

beebeel's picture

You seem too concerned about throwing bm under the bus when she's already backed over you with it. Telling sd the truth isn't unfairly blaming bm. 

"If your mom can plan ahead or do all of the traveling, she can spend time with you. She is unwilling to do either."

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

It's okay to tell some truth. I omit stuff because I'm not lying. And honestly if the girls suspected something and brought it to me, I woudn't deny it.

There comes a point when you have to realize, you can't lie for Psycho or she'll run you over. And you shouldn't take the whiplash because she sucks. If she's telling the kid it's your fault, I might even go as far to show her the texts and let her know what's up.

Siemprematahari's picture

First I want to thank your H for the work that he does. I'm sure his services were very much needed in Puerto Rico but on another note I hope North, South Carolina & Virginia are blessed with this type of assistance.

I would show and tell SD the Court Order and explain to her how difficult it is to make arrangement under short notice. Tell her your sorry that your mom is upset but its not on you, its on her mother. If her mother wants to spend time with her she has to do the heavy lifting. In the end it all falls down on BM. Leave the ball in her court.......and also you get that SD is upset but you will not tolerate her taking it out on you. You have to teach her to respect.