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Family portraits

Mamabearof3's picture

So we have portraits planned for first time professionally. (Love groupon) We are inviting my SD despite not being responded to for 2 months now. She mite come. But I’ve politely and gently explained her dad will be doing the driving to get her and she can find a ride home before coming. And that her dad will be doing her hair treatment this time. I’ve done it so much and her hairs so thick curly and long. He’s never done one in the 12 years I’ve known them. (Head lice constantly)  If her mom or her responds with demands of changes in the plans we’ll just ignore it. Or say that’s fine she doesn’t have to come. Either way I’m happy. Disengaging doesn’t mean being cold or uninviting it just means boundaries and protecting your own mental and physical health. At least for me that’s how I’m doing it. Working well! 

Comments

notarelative's picture

There are two separate issues - lice and transportation.

Lice. If SD is going to need a lice treatment, Dad can do it. It's not rocket science. He can figure it out.

Transportation. SD is 14? At 14, it's not like her friend could pick her up. What you are really saying is I feel like I have to invite you, but I really don't want you to come. At 14 Dad should do the driving both ways if she is invited. 

 

Mamabearof3's picture

The last time she left here at 9pm even because hubby told her to be nice to her sister, no yelling or anything. Except from her. She’s got a whole arsenal of people willing to bend over backwards at her whim. She’s gotten people to drive 2 hours to bring her cookies when she craves them. That happened. She’s incredibly spoiled. I’ve done thousands of hours of driving and have chronic illness with a major flare past few months so no that’s not what I’m really saying. 

Mamabearof3's picture

And husband drives an hour to work which isn’t long after the session so he wouldn’t have the time. He works 14 hours days or more. Which is partly why I’ve over extended myself for so long. She can plan ahead a ride. I’ve heard tons of family members offer and drive her anywhere she wants. She just likes to ride with me for “girl talk” which is just drama and gossip and nastiness mostly. 

shamds's picture

No way in hell hubby would even coax me and our 2 kids into a fake family happy pic. The cat hairs all over sd's is disgusting enough but in your case you have headlice!!

Mamabearof3's picture

Ironically enough were the pet fur family lol but somehow she still always has fleas on her from living by a sand hill. Idk. It was bad though but they put a DG by her moms house and they’re gone anyways. Lice isn’t still. Her hygiene is bad. I’ve spent two days brushing out a Matt in her hair this summer and she refuses to shower or anything even when she’s here almost two week stints. Says she uses enough lotion to be fine. And her mom says I’m mean and pushing it if I bring it up. So idk. It’s a shame. She’s a pretty girl. 

WwCorgi7's picture

Wow are we living the same life? Lol. We are taking family photos next weekend and since we haven't heard a response from SD in over 7 months I doubt she will be there ( nor do I care). I can sympathize with the lice frustration. My SD has lice all the time and I used to sit every weekend 3 hours on Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday to handpick out nits in the bathtub. Only to then send her back to pick up more from her mom. This was way before I disengaged now I wouldn't even bother. Your SD sounds exactly like mine. She has a bunch of people she manipulates and uses to get what she wants. Then she tries to "girl talk" but it's nothing but gossip and inappropriate subjects. SD has told me some trashy, awful things about her BM thinking it's cool to be that way.

Mamabearof3's picture

Yes sounds very similar. I love her to pieces but I can’t be dragged down anymore with the entire situation. I really hope she matures and clings more to us and our influences with age and adulthood but all we can do is wait. I’m trying to disengage for my own sake really. 

Stepmama2321's picture

Ew my head feels itchy! I've genuinely never considered the chance of SD having lice and coming into my home.... I'm not sure I'd be down with that. 

Mamabearof3's picture

I’ve done so many treatments and given her mom so many boxes and combs. Not much more I can do on that. They don’t seem to mind them. 

Stepmama2321's picture

That's so frustrating because it takes a lot of effort to fully get rid of lice. Being deligent about picking out the eggs and the treatments and bagging up all of your bedding and clothing and washing them all. And then to just go back to BM to again get it. Gosh I'd be so annoyed. 

Mamabearof3's picture

and she’s almost 15 and loves the freedom to behave as she wishes there. When we met he was just getting back in her life and wanted to get custody but got discouraged very easily and quickly and then went OTR to make money so it was wasn’t on the table. I would take her for visits without him present even. I had to threaten cps to get her to a dentist. She got oral surgery thanks to me too. She was neglected unfortunately. But she’s very attached to her mom and would never leave or admit anything to anyone. The whole family is the same so to her it’s normal to be gross. 

Mamabearof3's picture

But I will be reading that link. And sharing with husband and his ex. Thankfully salt and vinegar will get rid of it. Took me a decade to learn proper safe natural treatments. But I’m glad we don’t need  rid anymore. Salt and tons of lice combing. That’s it.