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DH and SD talk

Mamabearof3's picture

So they talked a couple days ago. She said she wanted to group chat us instead of FaceTime. She said she's just unable to leave her moms side right now and because we live over 2 hours away she isn't comfortable being so far from her mom. She claims she hasn't been able to leave home all year because of it. Nothings happening with mom particularly she says it's just she doesn't like being away from her now. My DH asked her if she was upset with him and lying about that because it seemed like it. She said no she just doesn't like leaving home anymore but that she'd like to spend the day with us whenever we're up that way. I think she may be being truthful because when she was very little she cried for her mom a lot. And she cried when the pastor she knew spoke directly to her even expecting her to respond when she was 5. At 13 even when she met our new pastor in our new city she went mute nervously showing her hands to say she's 13 when he asked her how old she was. Like putting up her 10 fingers then 3. She wouldn't go to her best friends house often at all and only liked her to come to hers. And the friend she had at our home always was at our house. Years into their friendship she tried to sleep over there and ended up throwing up and coming home. She knew these people very well too. She and her mom refuses therapy saying she's fine and it's all normal so I guess we'll just see her for short visits when we're near her moms house. She has mentioned her mom doesn't like her being here as well and talked of moms mental health issues with anger stress depression and drugs and drinking so I think moms probably encouraging the unhealthy attachment. At this point I'm just going to pray for her and we'll send her a text when we'll be up north. I'm debating planning a family photo session up there with her. I want to disengage more than I have and I think setting that up mite be the opposite of disengaging so we'll see. My main focus is on my kids and how much contact they should have with her the way things are right now. 


Mamabearof3's picture

Meaning to add she cried for her mom when my DH came back to Michigan and began getting her for over nite visits. She was fine during the day. I started a bedtime routine and it didn't take many visits for her to be fine. But then when her mom had a baby boy she'd want to go home earlier to check on and see him etc she got attached to him quite a lot as well. Which I figure was normal. 

thinkthrice's picture

Ugh!  Enmeshment!!