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BM pettiness

Mamabearof3's picture

So BM and her very long term fiancé are now getting married. This fall. They got together less than a year after me and DH moved in together. Congratulations to them finally taking that step I'm happy for them as happy as I can be for BM after all she's put us through anyways. My personal irritant is with BM even just last year telling SD that she didn't want to marry her fiancé anyways (she seemed irritated it was taking so long) and that if she wanted to marry she'd have married my DH long ago. Mind you they were never serious. No engagement. No proposal. No nothing. She even told SD she had a dress fitted and paid for. The time period when he was with someone else even. It's all so immature and annoying and sad. She makes up soooooo much stuff and is so insecure. Now that she's finally getting married I want to make petty comments but I wouldn't and won't. I just hate the lies and immaturity with SD. She lies to SD about everything all the time. Last summer right after we told SD about how DH best friend immediately said DH would marry me someday when we met eachother she told SD that he was spending time with her on weekends at his vacation property up north. And selling her a truck. Neither of which he has. And isn't true. And said that he's SD God father. It's so embarrassing. Same with us playing guitar. We learned when I was pregnant and she said the following visit that her dad and mom learned guitar pregnant with her together. Her mom even has a guitar (apparently proof she can play) but it has had no strings for years she admits. It's all so odd. If we didn't know BM so well we'd assume SD was making these stories up. It's outlandish. And I'm just annoyed. SD even said her moms fiancé wanted to leave her but is afraid he won't be able to see his son like she's done to both her daughters dads. And every time BM yells at me for something stupid I want to say these things to her. But I won't. I am just venting here I guess. No advice can probably help here with this. Give it if you have any. I just hope her drama doesn't affect us once SD is an adult. But reading here I feel less hopeful for that. 

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Mamabearof3's picture

Oh and she had two different modeling agents come after her in high school even though she never applied anywhere. In the middle of nowhere USA they found her. But my DH wouldn't allow her to pursue that career. She's 5ft tall and wasnt that pretty at all. It's obviously not true. Just so uncomfortable. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

The lies are annoying, and I would get a giggle when ET would get caught in one with the boys. They usually haven't been as twisted as these, because they have always been based in some amount of truth, but definitely always paint ET getting what wants.

Once, she told DH that her vehicle was on the fritz and she needed a new one (FIL bought her one, I don't want to talk about it). Come to find out, the car was in XH#2's name and he was claiming it in their divorce. Now, that car *was* a POS and likely on its last leg, but the truth was she was losing her vehicle in the divorce.

Recently she told my DH that her DH left her because she told him she wanted to open the relationship. He apparently couldn't handle it and left. What she told the boys was that he accused her of cheating and he was likely cheating himself, and that's why he left. BTW, they're back together now and things are fine(?). Yet, the boys still have to see him and I'm sure that only makes them think even less of him (they no longer have high hopes for ET's partners).

She frequently would present things as "the boys want to do this thing and wanted me to tell you", as if the boys were incapable of telling us. Most of the time, these were things ET wanted to do *with* them but couldn't afford, so I think she was trying to get DH to pay.

You just have to ignore most of it and correct any big lies that get told in regards to you, DH, and your relationship. DH has to decide how much he wants to correct lies about his relationship with BM. Just practice rolling your eyes and venting here. SD will likely, eventually, wisen up (especially when she starts being included in the lies).

Mamabearof3's picture

I'm sorry you have to deal with all that too. I feel worse for her boys. That's sad to bring them into her and her mans drama. My DH and I have only corrected lies such as we don't love her. My husband choses me over SD. And her saying we have custody rights but just chose not to see her.  That stuff we definitely correct. SD has already pointed out that BM lies to a lot of people about stuff so I'm sure she knows she's not an exception. She will eventually anyways if she don't now. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Yeah, ET lied once about CS. She was spouting off that DH didn't pay CS and OSS heard it. OSS asked DH about it, and DH explained how much CS he owed and then explained that he paid ET's rent, utilities, and other bills that in total were in excess of CS. So while she wasn't get free-and-clear cash, she was getting support.

OSS let ET know that he knew about CS by handing her a bag of change my FIL gave him after a visit and told ET she needed it more than he did. She lost her mind and called DH, who promtply chewed her out for lying and venting in earshot of OSS (DH thinks she was actively talking to OSS about this, that he didn't just "eavesdrop" upon this information, especially since he was 6-8 years old at the time). She dropped it and never spoke of it again.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Yeah, ET lied once about CS. She was spouting off that DH didn't pay CS and OSS heard it. OSS asked DH about it, and DH explained how much CS he owed and then explained that he paid ET's rent, utilities, and other bills that in total were in excess of CS. So while she wasn't get free-and-clear cash, she was getting support.

OSS let ET know that he knew about CS by handing her a bag of change my FIL gave him after a visit and told ET she needed it more than he did. She lost her mind and called DH, who promtply chewed her out for lying and venting in earshot of OSS (DH thinks she was actively talking to OSS about this, that he didn't just "eavesdrop" upon this information, especially since he was 6-8 years old at the time). She dropped it and never spoke of it again.

JRI's picture

That would irk me, too.  Some of these BMs are beyond the beyond.  I guess she must be pretty insecure.  Hopefully, her new marriage will divert her and maybe she will live happily ever after.  Somehow, I don't see that happening altho our BM calmed down once she married Clueless.

 

Mamabearof3's picture

They been together for 11 years now. So we'll see. I'm sure she feels happy to be a bride though. However she's using it as an excuse to say SD is always too busy with the planning to visit. It is what it is though. I just hope SD doesn't act like her. 

Mamabearof3's picture

I guess that is what makes it more sad. My DH and BM were only together as teens for less than 2.5 years. On and off at that even. 

strugglingSM's picture

Oh yeah, BM lies about everything, too. She told everyone in her family and DH's family that I wanted DH to move next to her, so he could stop paying child support. She also told them that DH and I constantly tell Skids how much we hate her. She even had SS tell them that...and DH's family believed her. 

She also told overly dramatic SS that DH "caused the divorce", when really BM met someone else (now ex husband #2) who moved in with her and Skids less than four months after she kicked DH out and told him she'd call the police if he came back to his own home (not sure why he believed her). Maybe now overly dramatic SS is getting wise since former stay-at-home stepdad is now ex husband #2 and new boyfriend (husband / ex husband #3?) was already hanging around the house before the divorce paperwork had even been filed.

She also regularly lies with made up "work commitments" or "power outages" when she wants DH to take more time so she can go on dates or trips with her boyfriend. MIL has taken Skids during the week for "work trips" for BM that were really trips with her boyfriend. She only told DH that she was divorced because she wanted him to pick the kids up on Friday (she's required to drop them off under the agreement), because she now "can't" because she's "divorced and working full time." Um, okay. 

She also lied about a family dog, about child support, and about what DH pays for. And she's now told Skids things about ex husband #2 that may or may not be true, but either way are weird to tell your children about someone they referred to as "dad" (at BM's insistence).

MIL is a perpetual liar and yarn spinner, so DH thinks that having a casual relationship with the truth is normal, as do SSs....drives me crazy.

Mamabearof3's picture

Yes my step daughter doesn't seem to think lying is a big deal either. Drives me nuts. My DH doesn't take it seriously enough either IMO. Your BM sounds like a pain in the neck to deal with. 

hereiam's picture

I just hope her drama doesn't affect us once SD is an adult. But reading here I feel less hopeful for that. 

Well, BM's drama doesn't affect us, now that my SD is an adult, so it is possible.

When it affects SD, she may talk to DH about or me about it but we just listen, give her advice (if appropriate), and move on. SD has known for years what her mother really is but she's afraid to stand up to her. That is on her so she can deal with BM's drama, but we don't have to. We haven't seen or spoken to BM in about 12 years.

Does your SD know that her mother is such a liar?

Mamabearof3's picture

Yes she told me she's caught her mom in a lot of lies. Idk how much she cares but she did say that.