Is this a bad idea? I'm thinking since DH really wants to avoid court and if things get messy it'll end badly most likely. So maybe have DH message BM and offer her some extra under the table CS at the end of weekend visitations? Is that a horrible idea? How much would be appropriate to offer? We wouldn't want to offer too much obviously. Moneys not exactly endless here. And they're not really struggling at all but who couldn't use more money? I think it mite work. Especially if she thinks it's something her and my DH come up with and not me lol. She hates me so much. Idk. Just thinking.
We did them outside at a woodsy parked days ago. Was nice. I'm somewhat satisfied with the photos. But SD came with several inches of very greasy hair hanging in her face. And thick orange tartar on her teeth. Putting the pictures of her smiling big and laughing in black and white or doing small prints of those. Most of the time she won't show her teeth when she smiles though. I put her hair behind her ears and got grease all over my fingers.
Since nobody knows who I am here I'll post here. My mom was diagnosed with AIDS couple years ago. I don't keep secrets but wanted to keep that from SD as it's a subject that's a bit personal and her mom and my MIL knowing could be painful for my family and me specifically. We'll she ended up finding out and it hasn't been anything said to me directly on it anyways. I guess they're not that low down anyways. SD doesn't keep secrets well and I'm sure she's told her mom and others. We'll that brings me to some information I found today. Allegedly my dad raped a woman when he was a teen.
SD FaceTimed me for the first time in awhile the other day. Just to talk for a couple hours. She's been babysitting her siblings and moms not home so she's got time to talk. I know BM isn't keen on us talking so it's probably a secret. She's going back to school today. I been kind of disengaging more but I do want to ask her her first day went. I seen someone here mention keeping a relationship but disengaging from parenting. And that's my goal for sure.
So they talked a couple days ago. She said she wanted to group chat us instead of FaceTime. She said she's just unable to leave her moms side right now and because we live over 2 hours away she isn't comfortable being so far from her mom. She claims she hasn't been able to leave home all year because of it. Nothings happening with mom particularly she says it's just she doesn't like being away from her now. My DH asked her if she was upset with him and lying about that because it seemed like it.
She just sent a text over 24 hours after saying ok that says" Also its not that my mom wont let me its because i dont want to go there. " I copy and pasted that. After months of her on fb rolling her eyes saying she doesn't think her mom will let her. And texting just weeks ago she really wishes she could come. Yesterday I posted the whole situation. And idk she has major mood swings so I guess a moment of honesty or something.
So I never confronted her about not saying anything to dad after his surgery but I asked my SD if she had talked to her mom about coming over the weekend we'd discussed that's coming up. It's a very long drive. She said she can come to the reunion but we'd have to drive her home after and she would prefer not to come for the weekend. This is the first time she's acknowledged she's not interested in coming to our home and not blaming mom. Which is a typical PAS sign and I'm not shocked. I'm just not sure how to approach it.
BUT should I text my SD anything at all!? And if so what exactly? Because I'm upset. She STILL hasn't sent DH a text and I know he won't reach out now because his feelings are hurt I'm sure and he's obviously preoccupied. We're hoping to not have to drive 3 hours back to surgeons office tomorrow because of some side effects he's having. He invited her to a concert couple weeks ago saying he wanted to do something before being out of commission for a little while and she said her mom said they were busy so that was that.
I hate being the disposable second rate family due to PAS BS. My husband is just out of surgery today. A surgery we been waiting for over a year. He's been diagnosed with quite a few things including celiac that's resulted in surgery to repair what damage they can. We've waited for the best two surgeons in the field in Michigan for so long. It's not a run of the mill surgery. SD said she had to do a family event with her mom so couldn't come over at all this week but wished she could. Then messaged me mentioning she's not home or with her mom and won't be for a little while. Days ago.
So BM and her very long term fiancé are now getting married. This fall. They got together less than a year after me and DH moved in together. Congratulations to them finally taking that step I'm happy for them as happy as I can be for BM after all she's put us through anyways. My personal irritant is with BM even just last year telling SD that she didn't want to marry her fiancé anyways (she seemed irritated it was taking so long) and that if she wanted to marry she'd have married my DH long ago. Mind you they were never serious. No engagement. No proposal. No nothing.