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Money hungry ex-wife from hell!!

malibubarbie78's picture

Hello! I am new here but I hope someone will read this and give me some much needed advice!!

My boyfriend has 2 children with 2 different women (yes, he's been married and divorced twice) now I know that may make some of you out there cringe but I am a firm believer in giving people chances and not judging them by their pasts or what other people may say. What matters to me is he treats me and my daughter great, he is very loving and attentive and his boys are a delight to be around. It's been a year and so far I am very happy with him, his boys and his family. We have a great relationship together the 2 of us and the kids.

My boyfriend pays his child support faithfully and sees BOTH his sons 2 days every week on his days off from work.

His first wife is the mother of his 11 year old son. She is remarried with a new baby and while she has her bitchy moments with my boyfriend because she expects him to drop everything anytime she asks him to (which thank god isn't very often) she is busy with her own life and really is not a problem for me at the moment. We do not talk but we have met twice and both times it was fine.

The second ex wife is the ex from hell. He met her and got engaged to her within 3 months of meeting her, they were married a year after they met and she was 6 weeks pregnant on the day of the wedding. They divorced when their son was a year old. He is now 4. This woman doesn't want to be with him anymore but doesn't want to see him happy with anyone else. She has even emailed me and offered to sit down with me and tell me just what a rotten husband my boyfriend is! I told her no thank you, I would base my opinions of him on MY experiences with him. I also told her I did not want her to contact me again.
This woman still lives with her parents, she does not have a job because she claims to be too mentally stressed and ill to work and is trying to drain my boyfriend of every asset she can whenever she can. (i.e. She decided she is going to Disneyworld with her family but wants my boyfriend to put money towards his son's plane ticket even though he is not required to.)

She neglected to tell him she hasn't been working since November of 08 and in the divorce decree it says he is only required to help her pay for child care IF she is WORKING, but since she wasn't honest and didn't tell him she was out of work child care money was still being garnished from my boyfriends wages. The minute we found out (we had to figure out on our own because she never told him and didn't plan to) my boyfriend took her to court. They will not give him the money back for all those weeks she took the child care money from him even though their son was NOT in daycare. Instead they lowered his child support by 18 dollars a week until she goes back to work and actually NEEDS child care again. So then for some reason while all of these court dates are pending over the fact that she does not have her son in daycare and is still taking money for it she goes and puts their son in a YMCA program that needs to be paid for. She then thinks she has a leg to stand on when she goes to court and says he IS in a daycare and she requested to the court that my boyfriend should still help pay for that, luckily the court said no because if she isn't working her son doesn't need to be in a daycare. (Her MOTHER is paying all her attorney fees and for this YMCA program because she has NO job!)
Now my boyfriend just asked her for her half of a copay for a doctors visit he needed while he was in my boyfriend's care and she says she doesn't have it because she isn't working!! She is in contempt of court because it is also written that each parent pay half of all doctor and pharmacy copays, but she knows my boyfriend has no lawyer and won't bother to take her to court over 15 dollars. But this is the kind of stuff we are dealing with. We live in RI. Does anyone out there have any suggestions for how to deal with this so my boyfriend stops getting screwed? Every time I offer a suggestion he shoots it down with, I don't know how bad the court system is to the fathers and how she can afford a lawyer and he can't. He also says I don't know how low his ex wife and ex mother in law will go because they've already filed a bogus restraining order on him and accused him of abuse and made him have supervised visitations at one point. Isn't there anything I can suggest that might help him and does not involve spending money we don't have on a lawyer?


msheretostay09's picture

Legal assistance might be the only way to go. I mean I'm not sure how the system is there but here, my bf HAD to get a lawyer because BM was trying to bury him with bogus charges and lies and what not. He got a lawyer and the tables turned on her. I contacted legal aid for him and they were able to refer us to a lawyer who was his counsel through divorce and still is. We did have to pay a retainer but he put him on a payment plan for repaying the balance. He was very helpful and in the end - - everything was fair and not one-sided. I'm sorry that you have to go through that and I totally feel your pain.

Good Luck!

"30 years old, mother of a 13 year old. I also have a lovely fiancee's who is 34 with two boys from previous marriage ages 12 and 6. I'm trying to figure out where I fit and if I can really deal with his dramatized EXWIFE!"

frustrated454's picture

All situations are different but do you have a domestic relations office in your county? My situation was different but when it came to increasing or lowering child support mine went through domestic relations.
we would meet with a mediator first and they would decide, i guess if one of us chose to fight it we could have got lawyers and seen a judge.
as for medical pay again this is only the way it was done with us
my son's med insurance is under us and i have to pay the first $250. and after that my ex was to pay 60% of the rest.
however I never went after him for that until my son needed braces and then I had to get reciepts and fillout a form send it to domestic relations and there was a hearing and they added it on to his child support until he was done paying his part.

I would see if there is a way to submit the info without a lawyer if not then legal assistance would probably way to go. good luck
sorry for your situation

stepmomma00's picture

try being with someone who's ex wife works at your local child support office thats a trip!!

ddakan's picture

Wow, and I thought my situation sucked!!! She's got the AG up her butt and on her side fo sho!

ddakan's picture

We have to BMs also. The second is a money grubbing whore. Since she is on marijuana most of the time, it leaves her unable to get the motivation to make our life more of a living hell, but she tries every once in awhile on facebook.

You have 14 years left on your court order. You have a choice how to spend them. Instead of stressing out about whether or not she is working or if you get the 7.50 for the copay, focus your thoughts on what you can do.

You can limit the amount of interaction you have with the woman. No fuel...the smaller the fire. Document the times that she doesn't pay you your copays, but keep a record of it.

You obviously aren't going to force her to work, so you are going to have to accept that she will be getting the free money to spend however she wants.

We pay 1200 a month for ss17 who smokes dope and recently dropped out of high school. The BM kicked him out to the street 3 times last year. The lawyer told us the easiest thing to do was wait it out. The money you waste on lawyer fees would obliterate anything you would save by just paying the child support. I know this answer is not what you want to hear. I inhereted the skids when they were 7,9, and 11. We fought BM to keep the child support as low as possible over the years. She has never followed the court order as it pertains to registering address, job, whatever...she fails to do it and gets away with it.

It's all about money and the lawyers are the ones who always win. A lot of couples spend a lot of time in court at first until the sting of the heat and unfairness of the situation lessens. Sometimes, we just have to "live" with it. Even if BM is a piece of crap and wastes your money. It's her right, because she is above the law because she had the ability to procreate. Wow, I REALLY HATE THIS FRIKIN CRAP! Hope this helps somewhat Smile