So much for trying to stay positive
So my quest to be more positive was crushed last evening when GSD had one of her melt downs.
GSD has many issues but common everyday things like following directions and doing what she is told is a constant battle. She was outside and came in because she said she wanted a snack, she went to the snack cabinet and sulked because she didn’t see what ever it is she expected to see, then grabbed an almost empty box of Cheezits, I told her she couldn’t take it outside, as that was her plan, because she never brings the trash she creates back in to throw away and that she already had a lot of trash outside that she had to pick up, she then decided she would take the snack in a baggy outside, again I informed her that she wasn’t allowed to since again she would leave the baggy outside and the meltdown began.
She screamed, said I was mean, she hated me, she hated me from the first time she saw me and the topper that put me over the edge was that this was her’s, DW’s and GSS house not mine, the outsider again. She wanted to call who knows who to report us for being mean to her, she pushed me into a door, began hitting and calling more names and threats where I finally had to grab her and slap her mouth for the down right disrespect and ugliness that was spewing out of it. When she calmed down I went to speak with her about what had happened, she used the “I have had a tough childhood, not living with my mommy” and “ I just want to see my baby brother” to try and deflect and avoid, she is currently grounded for an unspecified period of time.
I went through this with her mother and aunt, I’m not sure if I can do this again, all the same things being said to me again, the tearful “ I’m Sorry” and promising to not do it again but she will, even DW said that she will. DW stepped it up and threatened to send GSD to foster care but she was only bluffing, at this point I’m not opposed to it. Perhaps if she spent some time away she would learn to appreciate us and respect us or she would see it as abandoning, not sure.
I plan on contacting her school today about having her see their counselor but have to be careful how I word things or DSS will swoop in and take both of the kids out.
I really was trying to change my outlook, I wanted to enjoy the holidays the best I could even though I have come to just hate x-mas and can’t wait for it to be over, I was trying up until last night now I don’t give a chit, not gonna put any effort at all towards this day of self entitlement for skids, it just makes me sick to see them get an get and get with out the slightest thought of giving or appreciation or basic human decency. I had wanted to decorate the house more, right now just a wreath on the door and the tree is put up, bought lights for the outside but I just don’t care enough anymore to put the work into it. I can’t see putting in effort for kids both grown and not that will not appreciate a bit of it.
SD26’s drug court was postponed due to bad weather so now that probably won’t happen till after the new year and that was one of my hoped for a better x-mas was that she would get locked up but now she will be around to make it a miserable day as she always does.
SD21 will come to get whatever free chit she can grab from us and her grandparents, lay around and not lend a hand with whatever needs done, they both sicken me.
So merry friggin x-mas, hope your’s sucks less than mine will.
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Comments
Major I'm sorry to read what
Major I'm sorry to read what happened with SGD. I know you are trying your best and sometimes it doesn't feel like it's enough but please try to remain positive even if just for yourself and be grateful that you are around to enjoy another day. Is it possible to make yourself scarce during Christmas? Go somewhere for a few hours and just detach for a bit? You need it and I'm sure your wife will understand. I admire how much you love and care for everyone but don't forget about taking care of you.
Maybe it's time for a solo
Maybe it's time for a solo vacation, someplace tropical away from all the dysfunction and to have some self reflection. Or even just staying in a hotel for a few nights and getting pampered a bit. Getting self care is seriously good for the mind, body and soul.
It sounds like you carry this heavy load and I wonder how much does your DW carry? She created most of this chaos and I'm curious what she do to help stop it?
The fact that this child has it in her mind to call people on you is scary in itself. Once Spawn started calling CPS on us that's when I disengaged and let my DH know he could ruin his career for his Spawn but I didn't have to. Maybe time to let DW know this.
Im sure it felt like getting the two SD's out of your house for good would solve all the problems, but sadly this family is growing on rotted roots and I think it's time to enlist some outside help to find those roots dig them out and start fresh.
Wow I always thought I had it
Wow I always thought I had it tough because my skids are passive aggressive and I never see any emotion out of them. At all. Always wished it was the other extreme but now I'm not so sure when you described that meltdown.
Be selfish this holiday. Screw them. If you want to decorate, then decorate, for you. Your mind is a very powerful thing. Easier said than done but try to erase them from your happy place. Even when they are right in front of you. Think of how miserable their lives are. It's obvious they have issues. When I think of how many issues my skids have, I almost, for one second, feel sorry for them.
I hope that no matter what happens you have a very Merry Christmas.
Aww Geezzz.... Major, I am
Aww Geezzz.... Major, I am sorry that SGD acted that way. You have always been there for them and it really sucks that she can't see that for whatever reason! One day she will see and understand (I pray). It is so hard to be able to focus on the positive things instead of all of the negitive when it is literally smacking you...
If I was you, I would make let DW handle Christmas from here on out. The only thing you are in charge of is the MIMOSA'S and keep them flowing- All day in fact! Who care's about santa, the presents, etc- How many flavors can you make yourself? That is what counts! ;)
Going away even for a few
Going away even for a few hours would not be understood and DW would not be supportive. She also is worn by all of this, she cries over the fact that we don't get to be "GrandParents" and have to be parents to these kids instead, we don't get to be the fun only people like most GPs, so she feels the same about the Gskids as I do except for the foster care part, she wouldn't and doesn't want them to go to foster care.
As for doing for myself, I just can't anymore, and it's not that I don't feel I deserve it, I just don't care. I will watch a movie or a TV show that only I like and that's giving to myself, anything above I just don't give a chit.
And I do feel sorry for the Gskids, just like the skids I wanted to make their lives better but when you are met with this type of behavior it just doesn't seem worth it in the end, and my compassion for their plight will run out as they will use it as a crutch to get what they want from others just like the skids just skids 2.0
Major I underrstand
Major I underrstand completely!!! You work your a$$ off for these kids! Then next thing you know they're literally using your name as an insult while you sit there resisting the urge to dump a whole bottle of cayenne pepper into their ungrateful mouths to teach them not to spew such crap... But you don't do it... Because you have to be the responsible adult even when they're spewing nonsense...
There are moments where it gets frustrating becuase in theory you should have gotten to be the "fun parent." But it didn't work out that way. And it's like bieng caught between a rock and a hard place. You want so bad to do everything for these kids that are behind because fo a sucky BM, but you also get EVERY single shortcoming pointed out to you. And frankly it's exhausting as he!!.
Hang in there major. I get where both you and your DW are coming from.
You do need to do something for yourself though. (thank you amazing people on here for helping me realize that too!) I know it's exhausting some days. But if you don't do little things you enjoy or get out for yourself ever, then it just builds up more and more. Could be the gym, fishing, hiking, running, (I enjoy the outdoors if you couldn't tell. LMAO) literally anything that gives you a chance to take a breather and come back in with a fresh mindset. I know your DW may be exhausted too, but here's the fun thing. That's why there's two of you, so when one of you feels like too much is bottled up, you can escape for a bit and calm down.
Hang in there Major. I understand completely. But just so you know, you're definitley kick a$$.
Thanks PA, if I thought that
Thanks PA, if I thought that DW would actually go and do something for herself I might be able to do the same but she has basically made it a mission to not do for herself except play games on her phone or facebook , that's a completely different ball of wax, she doesn't shop for herself, she doesn't go to the hair salon regularly, get her nails done, etc etc etc , all the girly stuff is gone, I think she thrives on being a martyr. At the same time however if I were to go and see a movie or go to a bar to see a band she would make some remark about it at some point, it's just not worth the fallout.
Definitely don't feel like I kick anything except myself right now.
Have you thought about
Have you thought about getting her a gift certificate to a nail salon or something for Christmas? might get her out of the house and away from the martyr train. Which ultimately will help you feel you can step away!
You're kicking a$$. You're dealing wiht a LOT right now!!! We just need to drag you out of your funk and get you out doing you stuff again!!!
Ok, so I am going to take
Ok, so I am going to take your advice and get her a Gift Card to Massage Envy for her Birthday which is next Tuesday.
I should clarify that DW has never been "Girly", she doesn't have nails to get done, she works manual labor and nails just get in the way, she wears no makeup on a regular basis and very little when she does, she's not into jewelry but i have bought her some that had meaning in the past. She used to care more for her appearance but age and life have gotten the better of her and now she doesn't seem to care that much at all and it's not like I'm a Greek God but ( and this is totally a male perspective ) I would like it if she at least tried , I think it would help her whole perspective and it would help me as well, it's not easy to get excited about frumpy clothes and an out of shape body. I know that's not popular to say on a female dominant site but it's the truth. She has other issues as well but no reason to keep bashing her appearance it doesn't solve anything, And it's not like it's going to change anytime soon.
Getting out of this funk will be a while, last night hit home for me ass something I hoped would never happen but I feared it would, that the Gskids will be no different than the skids, basically the rest of my life is shot to hell and gone.
Okay. So just put effort in.
Okay. So just put effort in. lol. I wear a lot of jeans and t-shirts. I try to look semi-nice but am definitley not a girly person either. So I understand that. Last time I got dressed up my DH kept looking at me suspiciously and asking what plans I had. LMAO
Also that's not something that anyone should bash. I mean you obviously love her, but sexual attraction is different, that's not really something you choose. So I get wanting at least some effort put in.
Honestly it would help her too. I know when I feel like I put some effort into myself, it's easier to keep my spirits higher and my self-esteem. I exercise and put effort in for myself. But I'm sure it's good for my DH as well.
Take a breather Major. Maybe a step back. Being hit with this isn't fun... You need a bit to process, I think now is the time for you to do something for youself. It'll help remind you who YOU are!!!
Let me know how that gift certificate goes. I'm hoping it'll help her remember who she is too.
Well, crudmuffins, Major. {{{
Well, crudmuffins, Major. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} and a 6-pack of brewskis
I'm so sorry this happened. You have gone above and beyond so often and for so long. I have a lot of admiration for you and what you've done. I cannot imagine being in your situation.
I'm wondering if the move somehow triggered something with GSD. Anyhoo, I definitely think GSD could benefit from talking to the counselor. Frankly, I think you and DW could, too. Especially you, my friend. You have been bearing the brunt of this situation. You have been the tree root holding everything aloft. But tree roots need stability and nourishment to stay strong and you're not getting that.
My dear Major, you MUST do something for yourself. Even if it's escape for a few hours. DW will just have to suck it up. If you don't take time for yourself, time to rejuvenate, time to BREATHE? Then you will break. BTDTWTB
Thanks Aniki, pretty sure I
Thanks Aniki, pretty sure I already broke or I wouldn't have come to this point, I'm just tired of trying and giving a damn at all. In the words of David Bowie, " I don't wann go out but I don't wanna stay in", I just don't have the strength to do anything about any of it.
And excuse my ignorance but what is BTDTWTB ?
We need to arrange a STalk
We need to arrange a STalk-napping of Major Blunder.
Been There Done That Wrote The Book
Ok, that makes sense, just
Ok, that makes sense, just couldn't figuire out the letters nothing was comming together.
Thanks all for the
Thanks all for the encouragement, advice and trying to lift my spirits. I know I only reach a few of you here and for each of you I am thankful. I'm sure this funk will pass as it always does with time and responsibility taking over.
I used to actually enjoy x-mas but the years of over indilgence that I watched my skids revel in worn me down and it became a time that I just can't wait to be over, I was hoping to change this feeling with the Gskids a fresh start but it looks like isn't going to happen. I don't expect to be happy all the time, that would be ridiculous, but I would like to feel happy more often, not the angry hopeless person I feel like alot of the time.
Again, thanks ladies I honestly do appreciate each and everyone of you.
Major, I used to love
Major, I used to love Christmas, too. I still do - just not the f*ckery involving the greedy skids.
It hasn't been that long since you moved. Hopefully, things will start looking up soon.
The settling in is still
The settling in is still taking alot of time, alot of things not moved in, somethings still need to be gotten rid of due to space constraints, and no time to really get it all done, the rainy weekends haven't helped either as that is the only time to really get anything accomplished.
Hopefully things will improve after the holidays.
You sound so defeated. I'm
You sound so defeated. I'm so sorry.
This would've been my first Xmas living with the BF and SKIDS but I've decided to go to my mom's and spend the night and come back in the morning after they did their Xmas.
a) I don't want to be sitting there on Xmas feeling like an outsider
b) I don't want to be there on Xmas watching them (really just her) opening presents she doesn't deserve
Maybe you should consider not being there. It sounds miserable for you. :(
The other night was very
The other night was very difficult with GSD she really hit some raw spots with her words, since then she has been kissing my butt, however I am holding back giving her the normal attention, letting her know that she hurt me, this has to sink in so she starts to understand that her actions and words have consequences.
If I weren't there on Xmas Morning it would devestate the Gskids and my DW, the skids could care less as long as they get stuff they don't care if I'm there, not there, dead, whatever.
Hopefully this could be the last xmas with skids for a while, I hope. With them out of the way we can do better with the Gskids ( GSD in particular) GSS is still only 2 and not really as much a problem as GSD at this point and time.