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Here we go again

luwh033's picture

So sd10 finally went with her mom last week. It felt great, it was pretty relaxing and me and my boyfriend felt pretty connected again and things just felt really good between us. But she is back this week and she's been pretty chill there haven't been any problems we are both kind of just doing our own thing and not really interacting too much besides from me the regular check ins. Anyways my boyfriend has become a little distant. I think he is annoyed because he told me she wants to stay another week with us instead of going back to moms and I said no I'd like to stick to the schedule because he won't even be home he works during the week. So I'm the one who has to be home with her all day. I just want to be able to have time to myself. I am pregnant and sometimes it's stressful when she is here because the vibe changes my house feels different and awkward. Anyone ever experience their partner being upset because they don't want to take on their child full time or extra days or weeks?

Comments

tog redux's picture

Yes, this is common on here. There is no reason for her to be there if he isn't. If he can't put his pregnant GF's need for rest over his 10-year-old's request, then you two have a real problem. 

SteppingOut_2020's picture

God forbid daddy has to actually tell his child No!  I wouldnt do it either...if the BD is not around, the kids dont need to be either.  Your DH needs to grow a back bone and tell the kid that he wont be there during the week as he has to work and so they will be sticking to the schedule.   You arent a built in babysitter just to appease a 10 year old!

What benefit does anyone get out of her even being there if he isnt??  Other than just being afraid to tell her no!?!?

Iamwoman's picture

Common complaint on this site, but not ok at all.

This type of scenario (significant other gets upset when stepparent expresses desire to NOT be a free live-in nanny) is usually indicative of much bigger relationship problems.

It is entitled, presumptive, assumptive, and controlling for any parent to expect ANYONE regardless of stranger or spouse, to watch their children for free.
It's even worse for a parent to expect ANYONE to WANT to watch their child with no compensation.

Your BF is being ridiculous and selfish.

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

DH and I just had this conversation with DH last night. We had SS from mid March until the end of April. He's been back at his moms (who is the primary custodian and does receive child support) for a week now. I said he had to go back or to camp because it was becoming too stressful trying to teach him and deal with DD. I felt his mom wanted to be PC so bad because "she's what's best" for him so she can teach him (he's ADD) and have him there with her we won't be starting the summer schedule because I pay for everything SS related when he's here (my choice). I do t want the added responsibility right now so I won't assume it. I told DH he can come if he can find AND pay for a camp for him but I won't be doing any of the work. Just Standing my ground. If he wants him here fine but SS leaves with him if he does come 

Kaylen2308's picture

Sounds like we are in same boat ( pregnant and SD11 here)

I usually get the silent treatment for a couple of days lol. That used to bother me, now it's a blessing really. My pet peeve is when BF says " She's not any trouble to have here"   Well maybe not to YOU because you make sure to avoid being around as much as possible. It's a lose lose argument for me.  

missginger's picture

Same here!! He pouts for a bit but then gets over it. I used to care when he was acting moody. Now I just ignore it.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

In steplife, you have to stand up for your self and your own needs.

The child is there to spend time with his/her PARENT. So if your SO is at work, the skid should be with their other parent. Anything more you do is strictly voluntary.

Maganamitre04's picture

It seems that FATHERS, expect the GF/SM to just automatically take care of their children while they are away and or are working, like it's a requirement!  She is not your child and she is NOT your responsibility! Stand your ground and stay with it. If he's got a attitude or acts like a shitbag, let him know that he is the father, she comes to the house to see him and for him to parent her. It is not to it responsibility to "babysit" her while he's at work. 
 

I went through the same exact thing, yet I wasn't pregnant. My DH just "assumed" that I take on his son when he would leave for work and I can take him to school on my way to work and etc... JUST BECAUSE WE ARE "together". One day I told him "No", he looked shock as hell, as to why I said no to taking his child half way across the city (because they didn't think transferring him to a school near both of parents was important) he's not my child and it was completely out of my way to a job I needed to get to. He threw a huge fit, saying it would be out of his way cause his job is south and nowhere near his school and blah blah blah. After he bitched and complained my response was "What part of this is my problem, he's your son, you and his idiot mother chose for him to continue another year that's almost an hour away from where you both live, how is this my fucking problem because I refuse to take him and because he's your child?!?" 
Let's just say my husband learned the hard way not to assume that I have to do for him or his child unless he asked me ahead of time. Don't assume I have to do anything because I have my own daughter and never once have I ever inconvenienced him to take or or pick her up or assumed it was HIS requirement to do those things just because we were together. It's amazed me how some men can't seem to be full time parents.