You are here

Maybe someone will understand

loulou87's picture

My DH and I have been together 3.5 years. We have 4 girls. BD10, BD13, SD12, SD14. Most problems are with DH and his girls. The day after Christmas 2010 my SD14 and her two friends destroyed my bathrobe with red spray paint and peed on my toothbrush. I discovered the robe and she denied any involvement. I discovered my toothbrush had urine on it (after I had used it) and so did my bath towel. She still denied any involvement. We had to contact the police and the police officer finally got the story out of her. She was angry at me because 4 months prior I had removed my furniture from her bedroom. When we blended families and purchased a house I allowed her to use my old antique bedroom furniture. Only thing she had to do was take care of it. I spoke to both her and her father because she was destroying my furniture. I spoke to them 3 times and gave opportunities for her to take care of it or I said it would be removed. Finally, after she burned the furniture I removed it. You can't say they were not warned.

Things have continued to spiral downward. Just last night I put a lock on my closet door because she and her sister come into our bathroom and use my hair products, take my tampons, use our shower etc. They have been told to stay out of our room. They continue to ignore the rules and her father thinks that we just have to talk to them and they will finally come around. I call B/S on that because it does not work. I want him to punish them and make them show some respect for me.

For the first 2 years I did everything for these girls. They are competitive cheerleaders so I got up early made good breakfasts for them, did hair, made sure they were ready and attended their events to cheer them on. I have by no means been mean or cruel. I do everything but once they stopped showing respect and appreciation I talked to them and told them that I would no longer be helping them because they were rude and disrespectful to me.

I want to leave but my girls have switch schools and like it here. My DH owes me money and I don't want to leave without my cash. If I move before June of 2012 my BD10 will have to switch schools which will make it 3 schools in 3 years and I don't want to do that to her. I have read 5 books on step parenting have tried to "do it by the books" and I still get nowhere. My DH says "only 5 more years and then you won't have to deal with my girls". 5 years! I have reminded him that they will be around for life.

How can I get the man that I love and his girls to act like normal responsible people who respect others?

Comments

Sonomama30's picture

Wow, have you tried family couneling? it may sound stupid but maybe it might help,, you and the step girls,, how do your BD's feel about the way the SD's treat you? im surpried they havent beat the crap out of them yet....or have they? where is there BM?? let them stay with her if thats an option. GOod Luck!!

loulou87's picture

His daughters refuse to go to any type of family counseling. I made my SD tell my BD about the pee incident because they are in the same school building (and of course there was bragging about it on Facebook) and my BD13 would defend my SD14 if someone asked her about the pee incident and I did not want her in that position. Both of my girls were shocked. My BD10 said "why would you do that to my mom she is nice to you" my SD13 just shrugged her shoulders. Since the incident my girls no longer interact with his. It is sad, they had a close relationship. My dearest darling hubby only took her cell phone away for 9 days and she got it back because she told him that she thought it was long enough. He told her she needed to apologize to me first. She and woke me up at midnight and said "Dad says I need to apologize to get my phone back". I told her "if you are apologizing just to get your phone back then don't bother" She said "is that all" I said "hopefully someday you will realize what you have done and will sincerely apologize to me" As for the BM - she is the NFL's oldest cheerleader - need I say more? BM has encouraged the girls to try to break us up. BM has told them that if they like me they don't love her. BM has called and yelled at me because her kids wanted more time at our house (that was 2 years ago when I was doing everything for them and she was only working out and focused on herself so she could become a cheerleader). BM gave them tips on how to make us fight and SD14 received a new pair of UGG boots 4 days after the pee incident "for no reason Mom thought I would like another pair" - she had already received a pair for Christmas 6 days earlier.

bribaby1105's picture

My only suggestion would be to sit them down and throw everything at them. They are old enough to understand and discuss these things. Simply put, be brutally honest and ask them straight out, "whats the problem?" Also, I would ask them if they were you, what would they do? Sometimes just getting them to stop and truly think about their actions, they may realize they're wrong. If your husband won't step in, then I'm sorry. Good Luck!

Fuzzpuss's picture

Childish I know but you could always remind them that every gross, disgusting thing they are capable of doing to your personal belongings, you are also capable of doing to theirs.

As I tell my other half when he's really pushing my buttons "Just remember, I know where you sleep and you have to sleep sometime..."