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A little advice please......

loulou87's picture

So Christmas was celebrated on Friday December 23rd so that we could open presents as a "family". That went well and was fun. This year SD14(now 15 as of 12/24) who we have not seen or communicated with since 11/29/11 was invited to join the celebration. Of course she did not respond to the invitation text that I sent her (SO thought it would be best if I sent the invite). It is 6pm in the evening and SO tells me that SD13 is going to dinner with SD14 to celebrate her birthday. Mind you they are with BM from 9pm on 12/24 until new years day and SD14's birthday is 12/24. I ask if he was invited to join. He says no and it is clear to me by the way he is acting that he is hurt. SD14 has done nothing but hurt her father since she got suspended for drugs back in September. We have seen her a total of 13 hours since 9/23/11. I am immediately pissed off. How dare this child take her sister away from our "christmas" to celebrate her birthday a day early? SO sends SD13 with a birthday card with money in it for SD14. I am angry that he did not have the nerve to go outside and speak to SD14 and that SD14 does not have the nerve to come in and speak to her father. SD14 shows up with her 17 year old BF and texts that she is there. I try to speak to SO about it but all he says is "I don't want to talk about it, it is none of your business what I do with my kids". Well sorry, but I can see that you are hurting and since I love you I am only trying to help you. I drop the subject. Well I happen to be outside on my way back from my SIL's house (she is across the street) when SD14 pulls up and I just say to her "you are such a chicken shit" and walk inside. SD14 immediately texts her Dad - remember no communication since 11/29/11 and says "thanks for the card, it really means allot to me. If "stepmonster" were not around things would be different". Basically things go downhill from there and the yelling begins.

I called his daughter a chicken shit - she is, she is afraid to fix her relationship with her dad. In "good" times I have had many talks with her about this. Also, let me tell you that SO had recently called my daughter (age 13) a Lazy C**T because she would not pick up a pile of dog poop that was in SD13's room. Apparently SD13 was too good to pick up dog poop from "our" dog - even though we take care of "his" dog on a daily basis.

I am told that I am 100% of the reason that SD14 (now 15) does not come over - based upon one text! He forgets all about the past 3 years and the PAS that he has tried to force on his children that I had to bring to his attention when we started dating, he forgot about the pee incident from last christmas (see original blog entry for that story). He forgets that she does not come over because when she got suspended from school for drugs we tried to follow the the punishment that the school suggested and SD14 stopped coming over because she did not want to accept responsibility for her actions.

So now I am being told that I must move out of my home (we have lived together in the house we bought 3 years ago) so that he can fix his relationship with SD14. Really, I have to give up my home and move my children because SD14 cannot deal with me EOW and on Wednesday evenings? SO and SD14, SD13 and EX are supposed to start court ordered family counseling in January and somehow this is all my fault?

Sorry for the rant. I am just heartbroken. My children want to get away from SO because there has been allot of tension in our relationship in the past year because SD14 has been going downhill and I tried to bring it to his attention but ended up disengaging. My girls will have to give up their home and friends and everything because of this selfish man and child. How can he give that much power to SD14? We had an appointment with a couples counselor booked for January 4th not sure if we will still go at this point.

Has anyone ever moved out and had the Skids return? He is trying to say that we can still "date" but we just can't live with each others kids? Has anyone ever done that? It all seems crazy to me. I truly love him and want this to get fixed. Am I crazy?

Comments

Willow2010's picture

WOW…You both need to stop calling each others kids, nasty names. Who does that? He told you to let him handle it and you didn’t. I see your fault in this, but his too. If he would have called my kid a lazy C***, I would have been out the door in 2 seconds. See your part in this and then own it and it will open your eyes a bit. (I AM MOT SAYING IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT) Your DH sounds like a turd.

Also, if you two bought a house, make him leave if he wants out. Why do you have to leave?

Auteur's picture

He sounds an awful lot like GG (biodad I live with)

This says it all:

""I don't want to talk about it, it is none of your business what I do with my kids"

Heard that one too; an old chestnut. Funny thing is that YOUR bios are HIS business, but HIS BIOS are OFF LIMITS to you. Same ol' same ol'.

And as usual, divorced dads end up loving those who hate them (skids) and hating those who love them (stepmom and her biokids)

GG often says stupid things like "I don't want to overstep my bounds BUT. . ." and then starts to look for miniscule things that can PROVE that my grown bios are POS. But if I even THOUGHT of breathing "I don't want to overstep my bounds but. . ." WWIII would start!!

All one sided. And one sided relationships never work.

RUN!!! It's soooo not worth it!!

loulou87's picture

Thanks to all for the advice. I don't know too many people in the step situation so that is why I come here to learn and ask for advice. I got some good ideas and some new perspectives. StepAside and Ripley you should both be counselors!

As for me staying in the house - simple - I can't afford the mortgage payment on my own. I am going to suggest tonight to SO that he get a small inexpensive apartment nearby and when his kids are around (approximately 8 days a month less if you count sleepovers at friends houses) that they gather there if they cannot stand to be around me and if my kids are bugging him he can simply leave and go to the apartment!

We did decide to keep our counseling appointment for January 4th and we both sat down and read a few articles about verbal abuse and name calling together.